A series of quick & noisy odd farts

What on earth can this be about? While I am sat here waiting for my brother to sort himself out so I can go along the joyous A11 a little way to Elveden, I'm listening out to everything that's going on down stairs. In an odd way, it's cheering me up, even though I've spent the last 24 hours in a null place in my head.

I've thought for a moment, nobody ever stops.

There is a series of odd-sounding farts coming from downstairs. Not real farts, nope, just my dad doing some drilling while putting the skirting board back together. Mum is running around after Lola, and my brother is now shouting at me to get moving...

19:06 A trip out and a kebab later

What was I thinking. Oh yes, I was going to go onto the family unit. The family unit well it's not really a family unit at all. Well not in my house it isn't.

You get families who are really close and communicate with each other, families that don't ever really communicate with each other at all, and families who do nothing but drive each other nuts. I think mine is the one that don't communicate with each other. I'm not all that close to any of them, only my brother. With me & Ell it's always been us against the parents. While I am slowly building a relationship with the two oldies, their personalities are not personalities of people I'd choose to be friends with at any point.

I have a worry wart for a mother, and she does worry a lot. I'm sure that in her head she's about 80, the kind that's seen everything that can go wrong and believed it will again. She does nothing but worry worry worry. She nags a lot too, nag nag nag. I don't mind, I tolerate it, because I love her.

And my dad, well he can be a miserable sod at times, but then who can really blame him. Everything is down to him at the end of the day. Dad's are generally quite rubbish, and I was told this a while ago, and find myself reflecting on this quite a lot at the moment. I do feel for dads though. You see, many of the worlds dads are the provider for the family. With that comes high pressure jobs and this that and the other. I've come to the conclusion that my poor dad never really had much of a life. I mean he lost both his parents at a young age, got married and divorced, then got married to Mum, who worries and nags and because of this he's currently working from about 8 am to about 5 pm, and commuting to London every day of the week. he's up and out the house well before 6 in the morning, and gets home around 7ish in the evening, and is generally in bed about 10. Time spent at home is more often than not time spent doing decorating of some sort, and sleeping. It's hardly much fun, so I can't really blame him for being miserable.

And then we come onto my brother. He's now 15 and unfortunately when I realised on his birthday just how old he is, it came as a bit of a shock to me. Frankly to me he's still my little baby brother. But we used to get along great. Now I think he just sees me as a back-up taxi service when Mum and Dad fail to provide one. But he's a teenager. Of all the members of the family that I am eager to build a relationship with most he's definitely without a doubt top of my list. But in this day and age, to save his embarrassment I've taken to communicating with him in cyber land.

He's had his heart torn a little recently by a girl of all things, this saddens me somewhat. I don't think my parents even noticed that something had happened. So I said I'd like to be there for him, and if ever there was anything he needed he could turn to me. While he's a 15-year-old boy, and the last person he wants to speak to about girls is his sister, well I had to let him know that there was someone around that cared.

I think the next couple of years in Ells life are going to be pretty darn massive. He's got his GCSE's to do, then decide what to do after, all the while he's trying to make my parents proud, and that's a lot for one person to take on. But I've been there. I've been at school where he is now, with this awful pressure from the family to "just do your best" I've been kicked in the teeth by members of the opposite sex, stabbed in the back by "friends" and very alone.

I don't think that anyone deserves to be alone. Nobody. No matter what they have done. I expect some will disagree with me, there are some very nasty people on the planet, and they have done some very nasty things... but really they are crying out for someone.

Everybody wants something more than they have. And by that I don't mean the latest i-pod or a nice new cinema room. Or maybe I do. While someone has the latest gadget before their friends they suddenly get all this attention. The novelty eventually wears off, or their friends loose interest. But it's all for attention.

Everybody just wants a little love. Whichever type of love this may be. I think love has about 3 different levels. There's the love you have for a good friend, then there is the love you have for a lover, and then there is the love that's the unconditional kind which you half get from your parents.

I say you half get from your parents because at a certain age, usually about 8 or 9 when you start to develop your own mind and stuff they sort of loose interest in a way. This I think is because while they have control over you, you are exactly who they want you to be, and when you are not, you become a hindrance.

Trouble is that by time you can develop your own self, they have got under your skin enough to make you or break you. The only time you are a blank piece of paper is when you are still in your mothers womb. As soon as you pop out you are subjected to all sorts of things. jabs and injections, being pulled about and prodded. Granted you get cleaned and entertained, but entertained in a weird way. your parents choose your toys. If they don't like the idea of a certain type of toy then you wont play with it. You will play with it how you are taught. And a child starts off it's life by mimicking everything that it's parents do, or that it sees on the TV. And when you are a child you don't see TV the same way as your parents do, but you do remember it. After all, most people know of that classic episode of rainbow about playing with twangers and sharing balls. For anyone that doesn't here it is...


You see, you can never develop your own mind, and think the way you want to think because from day dot you are influenced by all the people around you.

Is it unprofessional to walk through down drinking cup of tea. A cup of tea from an actual cup. I myself think it's no different that walking around town with a take-away cuppa from a take-away cuppa shop, but this once almost lost me a job. I'd just made the damn thing and was told to go to the bank. I wanted to drink my tea, so did both lots in one go. Simple. It's only unprofessional because it's a little out of the ordinary.

Back when I was a quirky character I did things that nobody else would dare. I'd dance stupidly in the shops, and I'd shout and be loud and noisy and embarrass the brains out of my friends, and I didn't care, in fact, I had fun going against the grain.

I've not done it for a while. In fact I think next time I'm out and about I may well give it a try and see what happens...

Watch this space .......................