Uncomfortable in the skin that you’re in…

Peel it back
Take a look inside
Is it insane or mundane?
It doesn’t matter, you’re on the ride.



Life is a roller coaster; it’s true. While some people are happy, others are blue. Some are just uncomfortable, not ever knowing which way to feel at any time. It it’s this uncomfortableness that causes great frustration. What does it mean? Does life hold something more for you? Are you frustrated with what you have? Are you frustrated with what you don’t have? Do you know that there is something beyond all belief?

Life’s a ride, and as they say, it’s what you make it. If your resources are limited how can you make it more than it is already?

Is a performing donkey just another variation?


Ash, Ash, Ash, who are you? What do you want and what do you need? Completely different with every person you meet. You can make people laugh with your strange and bizarre antics. You can bore people with trivial things. You can entertain people for ages, and your aim is to please, and create smiles inside those who are feeling down. But not everyone it would seem. You’ve spent so much time building barriers, that nobody, family or friends, can cross. You have 1001 tried and tested defence mechanisms to keep yourself from being ridiculed which leads to it. Anyway, what makes you happy? Really happy? If it’s a certain person, why does time spent with that one frustrate you so much? Your barrier has been crossed, and now it’s real. Hurt IS an option, only if you can’t sort yourself out soon. Even now it may be too late. Why do you clam up? Why do you feel the need to hide? Why do you fear that you cannot compare to what’s in his life? Write a story, your own story, and make it the best one yet.



I do not know what to feel, or what I feel, or how to put it into words. Thoughts and dreams and plans with all the best of intentions often go wrong. I do not know why I fear you; I don’t know why I feel inferior. You have opened me up to a whole new world, one that I don’t understand. One which I get excited about when I feel that I do, but with things changing so rapidly, I find it difficult to keep up. I’d love to be able to do what you do, and read and read to my heats content. I could read millions of books in just one area, and still I would not understand. Maybe that’s me being defeatist and insecure, but how can I compete and compare to your world? Why would nice little Ashley be on your mind when there are so many other pulses floating around. I wish I knew what you know, and understood. I wish I could get it. I wish I could get what you’ve got. Your amazingness is matched only by your smile, your brilliance is matched only by your eyes. I have never met anyone like you, and I don’t believe that I ever will. To loose you would be like loosing everyone and everything I ever cared about all in one go. I don’t understand you, I wont say that I do, but I want to. I’ve never felt so close to someone, and yet so far from them too. I’m confused in my head on so many levels. I cannot help but wonder, if the whole world had not been built on a series of moments and well-constructed lies, would things be different. How does anyone know what is truth and what are lies? Everything is so closely monitored, so how do you have this fantastic capability to see though all the rubbish, where others would not.

How can I have been told so much and still carry along with the degeneration? How can you keep yourself away? You could know all there is to know, on your quest, but for now you are still you. In general I am an optimist. Work is something you CAN do to make living a little easier remember…

Why can’t I be me around you? Why am I so afraid? Why do I feel like I am nothing amongst the web of oddness you have?



Ash, stop forcing the answers to questions that exist only in your head, you already know the answers, you can already understand everything that can be understood. You have the desire of the knowledge, you just need to find your path of discovery. What you know, or don’t already is irrelevant. It’s what you learn from now that counts. About you, about life, about your past, it doesn’t matter, it’s all inside of you. You just need to relax and let the knowledge.com to you.



But I wonder what if I never make it, what if I never get past this deep routed fear that’s inside. Where does it come from, and will it ever go? Why when I try to do something nice for a certain person does it seem to go wrong? Never the way I imagined it would. Why am I currently this me, and not her me. Which one am I really? Why? What? Why?


Telephone your balloon in a typhoon. In other words Ash, the rubber barrier that has enclosed you is escapable. You are the helium that will find it’s way out eventually. While there will be times in life that you will be challenged and want to climb back into your bubble, you can make contact with the barrier, but you’ll never be able to get back over the other side. Immigration Control will stop you, and you wont even get the chance to seek asylum.

It’s going to be tough ash, but you really do have the power, and once you grasp that, nothing will stand in your way.


Promise?


YES!!!