When is enough enough?

I'm wondering why I seem to be putting myself through something. Something that I'd never wish upon myself in a million years, and yet I can't seem to stop. I suppose in a way it's like a drug. When there are moments so high, and then so low.

I'm in two minds whether to walk away or not. I don't want to at all, because that would mean I've given up, and that would mean I'd have to accept defeat. I don't want to accept defeat. But then, there is a part of me that says I've already been defeated, and that I'd given up before I begun anyway, so walk away.

Thinking about it, walking away is the easy option. Forgetting about a few bits sometimes seems like bliss. There are many times that I've sat and thought "I can't do this to myself anymore" but then the other part of me quickly chips in with "yes you can, it will be worth it in the long run".

But then, even if one chose to simply forget, at the point of making the effort to forget, then it would be just as difficult as continuing. I know, I've tried many times before. It hurts my head!!

I just want everything there to be hunky dory. That's it. But while it isn't I find myself agonising over it, and it's not really doing me any good. It's not doing me any harm either.

I'm momentarily stuck in a rut, and it's a pain in the.....butt!!