Yes yes yes, it's 29th February, and this can mean only one thing......It's a leap year
Ahem, thing with leap years is that the ladies for one day only get to do the asking of the man for a hand in holy matrimony as they call it, but I wonder what the repercussions of this really is.
Does the male's ego suffer in effect? Hardly manly is it to let the girlfriend get there first. But then there are some men who would probably never have the balls to ask in the first place, so the girlfriend has saved them the job.
How did this tradition come about that's what I want to know! Looks like I will have to read and find out.
See this link for a quick explanation
What I have just read is a very good question....How do you be romantic for a man? It's weird. Men don't appreciate the same things that women do, and they don't appreciate them in the same way. I know for example that I have a few times wanted to do something nice, and I hate to admit it, but romaticish (I can't bring myself to say it) for the amazingness, and I've had the best of intentions, I really have, but everythign I thought of seemed too...well...cheesy. But then looking at it that way, romance is cheesy isn't it. I can be a sap, and I can be sweet I know that, but romantic and spontaneous....that's another matter entirely.
One thing I did once have in mind was going to the forest, or around the foresty area, and sitting outside at night, rather late with a picnic or something, and looking at the stars and just relaxing and stuff. You know a cupla blankets and be all cuddly and snuggly when it gets cold. I had thought it would have been a rather nice evening, I just didn't set it up too well. That's where I tend to stumble and fall, but one day I will learn. I guess I didn't plan it right, because clearly we would have needed a couple of those flare things for a bit of light, and I don't have those.
NOTE TO SELF: Get some off ebay, so you have them next time you attempt to make this suggestion.
Anyway back to proposals, because it's highly likely that I wouldn't ever have the balls to do it. To be honest I don't think that marriage is going to be an option for me either. I just think as soon as I have found my feet i want to travel here there and everywhere, and never stay in the same place for too long. I have a feeling it would be hard(ish) although not impossible to find a man that wants to run around the world with me. So there goes that.
And again, to proposals. I do apologise for being a bit all over the place if I am being that way...it's not me!
Proposals. Now traditionally a lady wear an engagement ring. It's sort of a male thing, you know like dogs mark their territory, the male marks his by means of a ring. I am thinking, men don't generally wear an engagement ring, so what actually happens? Does the lady get down on one knee with a ring that she has bough for herself, and the man simply gets to put it on, or does she indeed have a box with a Hoola Hoop and and Ice gem which have been stuck together with some sort of adhesive, and offer him that. This is a bit I don't understand. And should a lady ask his parents, as apposed to him asking her parents if these things are to be done traditionally.
I'm not really one to go along the line of tradition, but I just don't get it. But I do say fair play to those ladies who do, and I think it's wonderful that you find yourself able to do it. It must be pretty scary. But it's only fear, and I suppose the action is never as bad as the thought of it. I hope that if any ladies did propose today their man said yes.
And men, I hope that if you did get asked you didn't say yes because you felt you should. And I hope that it didn't damage any egos.
Anyways, I would just be happy today having proposed a cuddle to a certain someone and having had a nice extended one together...
On te actual Marriage level though, I'd be quite happy with my mind bits that don;t usually get along to club together and get along great. That way I will understand so much more, and be so much more alive. That's what I want, that's my proposal. Oi mind, body and soul, do your thing, and do it together. I'll set a date for it all to start working....tomorrow.
I guess really at the end of the day, a lot of people need to give that sort of proposal. And many people who are in relationships of any sort occasionally need their heads banging together. There are people who just don't realise what it is that they've got. I'd hate for any of them to loose out on what they have. Trouble is that so many people don't notice. Yes, it's the way of life, but I'd like to say, just go with what's in your heart and you'll get good things...very good!!
29 February 2008
28 February 2008
When caring too much isn't
So I've thought about this a lot over the past couple of days, and it all started from what sadly became a bit of a heated discussion with the family on Tuesday night.
You see I am a egg donor, I'm doing it via NHS, where you get paid only £15 for the whole thing, which I do not mind one bit. But certain members of my family thank that it's absolute craziness, when there are people who do such things privately and would pay thousands. Now I don't know about you, but the eggs that I carry have cost me nothing to produce, and to put it quite bluntly find themselves going down the bog every month or so. They have no use to me whatsoever. Is it so silly of me to think that making money out of someone else's misfortune is wrong? There are a fair few couples out there who are desperate to have their own family, and without egg donations would not be able to produce. Going through IVF is expensive at the best of times, let alone also having to pay someone for their eggs, which are with them from a very very young age, and will be for a very long time. If I am able to produce children, and am not wanting them, and others want children and can't produce them is it really that wrong.
But the family don't want me to do it A) because it's not really the most pleasant of experiences, and B) because I could be making a fortune, and when you are a poor and penniless student it's all worth it.
No thank you. To me it would feel wrong. My answer is that's it's my body, and it's my right.
It has raised a question in my mind though about caring. I was told to stop caring about other people so much by my uncle. My aunt by the way has a personal experience of the procedure that I am about to go through (her children were produced this way, but with her own eggs and uncles own little beasties) and she also has a friend who was able to have children through an egg donor. She was very pleased and said to me quietly before they let to go back to America that she thought what I am doing is wonderful, and that she would tell her friend when she got back all about me, and I was rather flattered by that.
Anyway, where was I? Is it possible to care too much, but not really care enough. I do think that there are too many people in the world who do not care enough. I have issues on the level of caring as much as anyone else. I suppose that there are so many people, and they all care in such different ways that really it can be difficult to tell who cares and who, quite frankly, couldn't give a shit.
I care an awful lot about my family, and my friends (even the ones that only bother with me when they need someone to do something for them...shall we say drive?). There are people though that I simply cannot stand showing my caring side to. If we take my family for example. I am aware of the fact that the reason that my family is as distant as it is at the moment is partly my doing. We are all equally responsible, but I know what can be done to change things around. Just a little bit more caring and "spreading the love" is needed and it will make a huge difference to the family as a whole. It has to be said that we've been one hell of a lot closer since Lola came along, as we've had to work as a team to keep the little madam in check.
But where was I, I can't stand them knowing how I feel, or anything like that. Can't have them knowing that I really do have emotions....yuck. Even in mothers day or fathers day cards, it takes me hours to choose because I can't stand getting those awful "your the best mum/dad ever" and bla bla bla cards. This year though I plan to buy a horrible mushy one if it kills me...I don't think either of them have had one from me since I've chosen cards myself. I know this is not a major thing and the words on the cards will not be my own, but it's a start is it not?
Well I plan this year to be my year of charity and relationship rebuilding.
I was talking to mum earlier today and was telling her a snippet of a dream I had sometime over the course of yesterday. I started explaining that it was at Campion Road house, as are a lot of my dreams. Funnily enough, a lot of mums dreams were at her St Martin's Way house. Now this is a trend. Both the houses are where me and mum respectively spend the majority of our childhood. And while we were having this conversation I remembered what the amazingness was saying about how we are all kids, and we get a small shock at a young age, and that is where we stay. Now you see, I was living in Campion Road at the time, and Mum was living in St Martins Way. Proof somewhat that the theory is indeed true. So here we both are, stuck back in the dark from years ago.
Anyway, we had a chat about her life, and how I am not like her or dad, and don't really want to be. I found out that Dad is only how he is with me because I'm lazy, and he thinks I should be standing on my own two feet by now. He was married already at my age, and divorced too I think. But Mum was married and had a child at my age...neither one of them had the most wonderful of childhoods, and I do feel for them both.
Last week I tried re-building a relationship with my dad a little. I decided to show an interest in his family, and told him that one day I'd like to meet all his family, because I don't really know anyone except Auntie Dot (I have another Aunt also who lives in this town, but I wouldn't know her if I walked into her on the street) Not only that but I don't think that anyone has ever been to his parents graves. I suggested that we go one time. Make a nice family trip to London. Perhaps nice is not the right word, but it's something we've never done before, I just think it would be nice to do.
My dream was basically me and dad sitting on the sofa in the living room, and he turned around and said to me "Ash, do you think we have a friends relationship, or a father daughter relationship?" I told him that it was a father daughter one, but it was not a bad thing. But we had a good old chat about things, and we both hoped that sometime soon we would be more on the friends level. I'd like that very much.
You see I am a egg donor, I'm doing it via NHS, where you get paid only £15 for the whole thing, which I do not mind one bit. But certain members of my family thank that it's absolute craziness, when there are people who do such things privately and would pay thousands. Now I don't know about you, but the eggs that I carry have cost me nothing to produce, and to put it quite bluntly find themselves going down the bog every month or so. They have no use to me whatsoever. Is it so silly of me to think that making money out of someone else's misfortune is wrong? There are a fair few couples out there who are desperate to have their own family, and without egg donations would not be able to produce. Going through IVF is expensive at the best of times, let alone also having to pay someone for their eggs, which are with them from a very very young age, and will be for a very long time. If I am able to produce children, and am not wanting them, and others want children and can't produce them is it really that wrong.
But the family don't want me to do it A) because it's not really the most pleasant of experiences, and B) because I could be making a fortune, and when you are a poor and penniless student it's all worth it.
No thank you. To me it would feel wrong. My answer is that's it's my body, and it's my right.
It has raised a question in my mind though about caring. I was told to stop caring about other people so much by my uncle. My aunt by the way has a personal experience of the procedure that I am about to go through (her children were produced this way, but with her own eggs and uncles own little beasties) and she also has a friend who was able to have children through an egg donor. She was very pleased and said to me quietly before they let to go back to America that she thought what I am doing is wonderful, and that she would tell her friend when she got back all about me, and I was rather flattered by that.
Anyway, where was I? Is it possible to care too much, but not really care enough. I do think that there are too many people in the world who do not care enough. I have issues on the level of caring as much as anyone else. I suppose that there are so many people, and they all care in such different ways that really it can be difficult to tell who cares and who, quite frankly, couldn't give a shit.
I care an awful lot about my family, and my friends (even the ones that only bother with me when they need someone to do something for them...shall we say drive?). There are people though that I simply cannot stand showing my caring side to. If we take my family for example. I am aware of the fact that the reason that my family is as distant as it is at the moment is partly my doing. We are all equally responsible, but I know what can be done to change things around. Just a little bit more caring and "spreading the love" is needed and it will make a huge difference to the family as a whole. It has to be said that we've been one hell of a lot closer since Lola came along, as we've had to work as a team to keep the little madam in check.
But where was I, I can't stand them knowing how I feel, or anything like that. Can't have them knowing that I really do have emotions....yuck. Even in mothers day or fathers day cards, it takes me hours to choose because I can't stand getting those awful "your the best mum/dad ever" and bla bla bla cards. This year though I plan to buy a horrible mushy one if it kills me...I don't think either of them have had one from me since I've chosen cards myself. I know this is not a major thing and the words on the cards will not be my own, but it's a start is it not?
Well I plan this year to be my year of charity and relationship rebuilding.
I was talking to mum earlier today and was telling her a snippet of a dream I had sometime over the course of yesterday. I started explaining that it was at Campion Road house, as are a lot of my dreams. Funnily enough, a lot of mums dreams were at her St Martin's Way house. Now this is a trend. Both the houses are where me and mum respectively spend the majority of our childhood. And while we were having this conversation I remembered what the amazingness was saying about how we are all kids, and we get a small shock at a young age, and that is where we stay. Now you see, I was living in Campion Road at the time, and Mum was living in St Martins Way. Proof somewhat that the theory is indeed true. So here we both are, stuck back in the dark from years ago.
Anyway, we had a chat about her life, and how I am not like her or dad, and don't really want to be. I found out that Dad is only how he is with me because I'm lazy, and he thinks I should be standing on my own two feet by now. He was married already at my age, and divorced too I think. But Mum was married and had a child at my age...neither one of them had the most wonderful of childhoods, and I do feel for them both.
Last week I tried re-building a relationship with my dad a little. I decided to show an interest in his family, and told him that one day I'd like to meet all his family, because I don't really know anyone except Auntie Dot (I have another Aunt also who lives in this town, but I wouldn't know her if I walked into her on the street) Not only that but I don't think that anyone has ever been to his parents graves. I suggested that we go one time. Make a nice family trip to London. Perhaps nice is not the right word, but it's something we've never done before, I just think it would be nice to do.
My dream was basically me and dad sitting on the sofa in the living room, and he turned around and said to me "Ash, do you think we have a friends relationship, or a father daughter relationship?" I told him that it was a father daughter one, but it was not a bad thing. But we had a good old chat about things, and we both hoped that sometime soon we would be more on the friends level. I'd like that very much.
24 February 2008
P.S.
I love you.....
Nope, that's just the name of a book I've seen a few times in shops, and have heard about a little. I don;t know who it is written by, or what it's about.....I'm guessing a letter perhaps?!
Anyways I mentioned in my last blog that I had written one of my first ever poems. Well I say one of my first ever, and by that I mean my second....kind of. I am also working on a masterpiece, I have realised that my vocabulary isn't that great and wide. I have a lot of things that I would like to express on a certain subject, and use the same words all the time, so I thought I'd try poetry instead, and be a little more creative, although very much more sappy about it.
It's made about 43 lines so far, but it's not complete. For this one I want to be perfect. I'll give you the first four lines that I have already, they just randomly popped into my head in the shower....
And you can take all the drugs
'Till you're blue in the face
And they'll open your mind
And you'll feel no disgrace
Of course, I don't know if that's the actual real beginning. But it kinda started when I thought the three lines that I wrote yesterday sounded quite alright, and that I was going to make something more out of it. So I half know what I think I thought, and I don't know if I agree with it, but I feel what I feel, and I do what I do, and who really knows if that's right or wrong, or good or bad, or both or neither.
Why do we do the things that we do...?
Nope, that's just the name of a book I've seen a few times in shops, and have heard about a little. I don;t know who it is written by, or what it's about.....I'm guessing a letter perhaps?!
Anyways I mentioned in my last blog that I had written one of my first ever poems. Well I say one of my first ever, and by that I mean my second....kind of. I am also working on a masterpiece, I have realised that my vocabulary isn't that great and wide. I have a lot of things that I would like to express on a certain subject, and use the same words all the time, so I thought I'd try poetry instead, and be a little more creative, although very much more sappy about it.
It's made about 43 lines so far, but it's not complete. For this one I want to be perfect. I'll give you the first four lines that I have already, they just randomly popped into my head in the shower....
And you can take all the drugs
'Till you're blue in the face
And they'll open your mind
And you'll feel no disgrace
Of course, I don't know if that's the actual real beginning. But it kinda started when I thought the three lines that I wrote yesterday sounded quite alright, and that I was going to make something more out of it. So I half know what I think I thought, and I don't know if I agree with it, but I feel what I feel, and I do what I do, and who really knows if that's right or wrong, or good or bad, or both or neither.
Why do we do the things that we do...?
Carling Cup
I watch this today, at home with my Uncle, a Spurs fan...my dad meanwhile a Chelsea fan like myself went to Wembley to witness all the action. But the whole way through Dad and my uncle were texting each other, you know all that banter to wind the other one up....so I wrote one of my first ever poems, inspired by this crazyness.
Untitled
Paying money to be at the final
Might as well be at the pub.
A bit of fan banter,
Concentrating on text.
The in-laws on atmosphere,
What will be next?
Testing out the telly,
Is it better in HD?
The crowd are better looking,
Spot the members of the family.
Watching shirts and shorts
For hidden signals of rivalry.
Shouting advice to those on the pitch,
It's not as though they don't know,
Is it third time lucky?
One goal and one text
The in-laws on atmosphere,
What will be next?
Disagreeing with the ref,
but didn't even see.
Two minutes left to equalize
And bring it back before half time.
Then the whistle blows.
Deserving or not, chances benign.
Half time comes with all the ads
Get up for a burger
And a trip to the loo,
Still continuting to text.
The in-laws on atmosphere
What will be next?
Then a typical fan
On the loosing side,
'Cause it's not a "major cup".
Wont be gutted if no win.
No more magic touch,
Optimism thrown in the bin.
He's back down on the floor again,
Guess that's no suprise,
Subs on to bring more hope.
What happened to the text?
The in-laws on atmosphere
What will be next?
And so there's a penalty
Score! 20 minutes left.
Everything now to play for,
atmosphere turned around.
Free-kicks and shots at goal
But no breakthrough. Extra time bound.
Extra-time starts off real lucky,
A comeback from behind
Defend for more attack.
Bring on the text
The in-laws on atmosphere
What will be next?
A mad dash panic,
Fighting till the end.
The holders have lost their grip
On the nonsense two-cents cup.
Why always wait until
Game's almost over to pick pace up?
And so the winners get their prize.
Now it's worth every last thing,
And it's all fun and games
Ceasing the text
The in-laws on atmosphere
The journey home is next.
by Ashley Byford (aka ME)
Of course I am disappointed in my team, but it has to be said that spurs were very deserving. Chelsea are just lacking something these days...a bit of a spark about them. And I've noticed many times that they never seem to do a whole lot anymore, just score a goal on the odd occasion...but then that is the point of football.
Anyway...enough of that. I find it incredibly amusing that fans on the loosing side say things like it's just a little cup, nothing major. And as soon as they are on the winning side it's everything. This was the case with my uncle, and through the text, this was the same with my dad too...
People are astounding...they really are!!
Untitled
Paying money to be at the final
Might as well be at the pub.
A bit of fan banter,
Concentrating on text.
The in-laws on atmosphere,
What will be next?
Testing out the telly,
Is it better in HD?
The crowd are better looking,
Spot the members of the family.
Watching shirts and shorts
For hidden signals of rivalry.
Shouting advice to those on the pitch,
It's not as though they don't know,
Is it third time lucky?
One goal and one text
The in-laws on atmosphere,
What will be next?
Disagreeing with the ref,
but didn't even see.
Two minutes left to equalize
And bring it back before half time.
Then the whistle blows.
Deserving or not, chances benign.
Half time comes with all the ads
Get up for a burger
And a trip to the loo,
Still continuting to text.
The in-laws on atmosphere
What will be next?
Then a typical fan
On the loosing side,
'Cause it's not a "major cup".
Wont be gutted if no win.
No more magic touch,
Optimism thrown in the bin.
He's back down on the floor again,
Guess that's no suprise,
Subs on to bring more hope.
What happened to the text?
The in-laws on atmosphere
What will be next?
And so there's a penalty
Score! 20 minutes left.
Everything now to play for,
atmosphere turned around.
Free-kicks and shots at goal
But no breakthrough. Extra time bound.
Extra-time starts off real lucky,
A comeback from behind
Defend for more attack.
Bring on the text
The in-laws on atmosphere
What will be next?
A mad dash panic,
Fighting till the end.
The holders have lost their grip
On the nonsense two-cents cup.
Why always wait until
Game's almost over to pick pace up?
And so the winners get their prize.
Now it's worth every last thing,
And it's all fun and games
Ceasing the text
The in-laws on atmosphere
The journey home is next.
by Ashley Byford (aka ME)
Of course I am disappointed in my team, but it has to be said that spurs were very deserving. Chelsea are just lacking something these days...a bit of a spark about them. And I've noticed many times that they never seem to do a whole lot anymore, just score a goal on the odd occasion...but then that is the point of football.
Anyway...enough of that. I find it incredibly amusing that fans on the loosing side say things like it's just a little cup, nothing major. And as soon as they are on the winning side it's everything. This was the case with my uncle, and through the text, this was the same with my dad too...
People are astounding...they really are!!
23 February 2008
Intuition breakthrough?
You are the first on my list,
And there is only mist
When there is no you.
kay, so these seemingly random three lines that popped into my head while I was thinking about things and stuff....These words could actually be quite significant in my development as a person...or spiritual development. Development of the mind, the body the soul, whatever it means to you. But my own personal development of some description.
I know that the first line is from a song, I was listening to it only yesterday, but it got stuck in my head, but the next part I made up, and quite liked it. I did however like it so much that I doubted my ability, and thought that there was no possible way that it could have come from lilly moi. So I typed it into google and did a search on it to see if anything came up. Nothing came up, hoorah it's all mine.
What I did find though amazed me no end. I came across a blog called "mists of the soul". What I read was remarkable, but then I wonder if I am telling myself something. Am I telling myself that being away from what I don't want to be away from is what I have to do to learn things?!
Sometimes I think these things are the hardest. When there are things that need to be done but you can't bare to do them. It hurts your head and your heart to do them, even if they are right. But these things are sent to try us, and it doesn't mean that what you don't want will be forever. Maybe it's needed for things to progress.
I give you a couple of quotes from this blog that I have been reading...
"Mist crowds my minds, driving away thoughts...mists are a place to rest[...] In the mist thoughts can drift and turn and combine and that is a place of creativity [...] In the mist the turmoil of emotions calm again, giving peace for a time. [...]Mist is a refuge from the outward world. You can practice your spirituality, pray for all your blessings, and soothe your grief."
"Souls, working the path of spirituality, waver and leave the path. This is a know fact. Some leave it for decades, some forever, some for just a small break. Finding your was back to the Soul's pathway, is easy really. Just look for the clues. Yep, CLUES. You and/or the One have left them laying all over the place for you. Maybe a sacred rock in a drawer, A line from a book, a affirmation, a sunny day, or starlight night. They are as varied as there are stars."
"That person helped make you who and what your are today. The closer and more time you spent with them makes them a big part of you learning on the soul pathway. Never ignore that, or close the door on that learning, even if it is tinged in pain of grief. For with the learning came love and that is light energy, given and taken and that is "real". Swim in that love, emerge yourself in it and be whole for whatever time you have with someone, and with yourself."
Okay, so that last one makes me wonder. What is it to be whole? I want to swim in that love. I feel for no one what I feel for the amazingness. Someone who has taught me so much, and I go on and on about him, and how great he is, and bla bla bla. I know what love I feel, and I understand that it's not real love like what love should really be. It's not, real love is something that very few people will feel...I know this, but it's a tad difficult to explain. And don't let what I say question how you feel in your heart. Love is a very difficult something to have and feel, and you can search for it all your life, but may not experience it, because to experience it, you have to find it within yourself.>
And now I am lost, I know not what to think. Not what to think of it and him and anything and everything. What does it tell me? What do my dreams tell me? They have been vivid of late, and I've found them so packed full of emotion. I've pondered on some for years, and haven't give a second thought to others. I don't remember them in the traditional sense, when I wake up, I see something during the day that triggers the memory.
Indeed often I feel with regards to everything that I am banging my head against a brick wall. But I keep getting chances...is this going to happen until I get it right? Until we get it right? What is getting it right? Shy or not?
And there is only mist
When there is no you.
kay, so these seemingly random three lines that popped into my head while I was thinking about things and stuff....These words could actually be quite significant in my development as a person...or spiritual development. Development of the mind, the body the soul, whatever it means to you. But my own personal development of some description.
I know that the first line is from a song, I was listening to it only yesterday, but it got stuck in my head, but the next part I made up, and quite liked it. I did however like it so much that I doubted my ability, and thought that there was no possible way that it could have come from lilly moi. So I typed it into google and did a search on it to see if anything came up. Nothing came up, hoorah it's all mine.
What I did find though amazed me no end. I came across a blog called "mists of the soul". What I read was remarkable, but then I wonder if I am telling myself something. Am I telling myself that being away from what I don't want to be away from is what I have to do to learn things?!
Sometimes I think these things are the hardest. When there are things that need to be done but you can't bare to do them. It hurts your head and your heart to do them, even if they are right. But these things are sent to try us, and it doesn't mean that what you don't want will be forever. Maybe it's needed for things to progress.
I give you a couple of quotes from this blog that I have been reading...
"Mist crowds my minds, driving away thoughts...mists are a place to rest[...] In the mist thoughts can drift and turn and combine and that is a place of creativity [...] In the mist the turmoil of emotions calm again, giving peace for a time. [...]Mist is a refuge from the outward world. You can practice your spirituality, pray for all your blessings, and soothe your grief."
"Souls, working the path of spirituality, waver and leave the path. This is a know fact. Some leave it for decades, some forever, some for just a small break. Finding your was back to the Soul's pathway, is easy really. Just look for the clues. Yep, CLUES. You and/or the One have left them laying all over the place for you. Maybe a sacred rock in a drawer, A line from a book, a affirmation, a sunny day, or starlight night. They are as varied as there are stars."
"That person helped make you who and what your are today. The closer and more time you spent with them makes them a big part of you learning on the soul pathway. Never ignore that, or close the door on that learning, even if it is tinged in pain of grief. For with the learning came love and that is light energy, given and taken and that is "real". Swim in that love, emerge yourself in it and be whole for whatever time you have with someone, and with yourself."
Okay, so that last one makes me wonder. What is it to be whole? I want to swim in that love. I feel for no one what I feel for the amazingness. Someone who has taught me so much, and I go on and on about him, and how great he is, and bla bla bla. I know what love I feel, and I understand that it's not real love like what love should really be. It's not, real love is something that very few people will feel...I know this, but it's a tad difficult to explain. And don't let what I say question how you feel in your heart. Love is a very difficult something to have and feel, and you can search for it all your life, but may not experience it, because to experience it, you have to find it within yourself.>
And now I am lost, I know not what to think. Not what to think of it and him and anything and everything. What does it tell me? What do my dreams tell me? They have been vivid of late, and I've found them so packed full of emotion. I've pondered on some for years, and haven't give a second thought to others. I don't remember them in the traditional sense, when I wake up, I see something during the day that triggers the memory.
Indeed often I feel with regards to everything that I am banging my head against a brick wall. But I keep getting chances...is this going to happen until I get it right? Until we get it right? What is getting it right? Shy or not?
17 February 2008
There's no need to worry anymore
This is a quick note for those of you who have been reading this over the past few weeks, and have become slightly concerned for my welfare. There is no need to worry about me. I do not live in a fairytale land, or even think that I do...I will not let pain and hurt get the better of me, and I will not suffer at all. Some people are vastly concerned because of how "in to" the amazingness I am, while we have our ups and downs, I can assure you that whatever the outcome be at any time, I will be okay, and things will go well.
Things can only get better afterall...they only get worse if you believe that they can, and out of anything that goes wrong, something good will soon follow. So believe me when I say that I am okay.
I don't need you to worry about be. Know that worrying is as much use as a bouncy ball in deep water. It doesn't solve anything, and it doesn't help, and while it's comforting in a weird way to know that one or two of you are thinking of me, I am sure you've got other things that need your attention...and one of them isn't moi.
If this sounds a bit harsh, I don't intend it to be, it's not supposed to sound that way, and I don't have the hump.
Things can only get better afterall...they only get worse if you believe that they can, and out of anything that goes wrong, something good will soon follow. So believe me when I say that I am okay.
I don't need you to worry about be. Know that worrying is as much use as a bouncy ball in deep water. It doesn't solve anything, and it doesn't help, and while it's comforting in a weird way to know that one or two of you are thinking of me, I am sure you've got other things that need your attention...and one of them isn't moi.
If this sounds a bit harsh, I don't intend it to be, it's not supposed to sound that way, and I don't have the hump.
14 February 2008
A Valentines Poem...
This was sent to me in an email today, and although I'm not up on the whole valentines things, I thought I'd share it, because it's rather touching.
The Risk of Love
There is a risk involved in everything
Every time you share a smile
Every time you shed a tear
You are opening yourself up to hurt.
Some people tread slowly through life,
Avoiding the closeness risk brings,
Side-stepping the things they can't understand
Turning away from those who care too much,
Those who care stay too long,
Those who hold too tightly.
There is never an easy way to love
You can not approach it cautiously
It will not wait for you to arm yourself.
It does not care if you turn away
It is everywhere, it is everything.
Love is the greatest of all risks.
It is not reliable, it is not cautious,
It is not sympathetic
It is unprejudiced and unmerciliess.
It strikes the strongest of mind,
And brings them to their knees in one blow.
Even in the best of times, love hurts.
It hurts to need, it hurts to belong,
It hurts to be the other part of someone else,
Without either of your consent.
But, from the moment it overtakes you,
It hurts worse to be all alone.
The risk of love never depletes;
It grows stronger and more dangerous with time.
But, it's in the total surrender of all defense,
That we, no matter weak or strong,
No matter willing or captive,
No matter what, we truly experience love.
Despite the many things love is not,
Outweighing it all are the things that love is.
Love is surrender without a loss.
It is a gift without the cost.
It consumes your every thought & desire,
Every breath you take.
It is the fire that fuels you
To do more than pass through life;
It urges you, instead, to live.
No matter the outcome, having felt love,
You will never be the same.
It may scar your heart & soul
And Leave you only memories of forever.
Or, it may cause every day of your life
To feel like there is no need for tomorrow.
But, love is worth it. It is worth the risk...
For in all of life,
Love is truly the only risk worth taking.
I wish I had written it myself, but alas it was written by Kris Hydmore. Make of it what you will, but please take risks, and make sure you them give those risks a good chance before thinking that by taking the risk you made a wrong decision. Not everything happens overnight. Especially in the case of love.
It's easy to be with someone, but please remember that when you are that they need to know that you want to be with them, for just being together is not always enough.
And if someone truly touches your heart, let them know at every chance you get.
8 February 2008
It catches everyone
It is 6 months today until I am 23...
TIME
We are all getting older so they say. Every second that goes by, is a second closer to death. Haha, bit of a morbid start, but it's true...isn't it? We are dead already are we not? Or we are at least not real anyway, so we are in fact not alive, and not dead. Can we be both? Can we be neither? Is there really such a thing as time anyway, and does it actually exist?
Please, somebody give me a decent definition of time. How did "time" come about? Who decided that that it takes a day to rotate around the sun. Who decided that there were going to be hours? And who decided that there are 24 of them? Who came up with the idea of weeks, and said we'd have 52 in a year, and then what is a year, and a decade and so on and so forth. My last question (for this little list) is time really what we think it is?
everything we do is timed. Every time we talk about something we talk about it with reference to time. I went swimming last week, I'm going to walk the dog later, my 10-year-plan. So you see, time is a construct of everything, everyday.
The only think that makes a day a day, and a night a night is the fact that it's light or dark. Now if it's a cloudy dull day, and it's not very light, then does time run the same way as it always does? Do we operate on different frequencies? Do we always operate on different frequencies? How about sometimes? Maybe never? Who really knows?
The thing that really gets me with time, is the fact that you have days where it seems to go fast, and days where it seems to go ultra slow. And the reason I ask about the different frequencies is because when you are asleep you can have a dream that lasts for seemingly many days, and yet when you wake up it's been a matter of hours.
Do we all experience this given time in the same way? And can time be manipulated? I put it to you that it can. Ponder on it a couple of days while I think up and argument for it.
TIME
We are all getting older so they say. Every second that goes by, is a second closer to death. Haha, bit of a morbid start, but it's true...isn't it? We are dead already are we not? Or we are at least not real anyway, so we are in fact not alive, and not dead. Can we be both? Can we be neither? Is there really such a thing as time anyway, and does it actually exist?
Please, somebody give me a decent definition of time. How did "time" come about? Who decided that that it takes a day to rotate around the sun. Who decided that there were going to be hours? And who decided that there are 24 of them? Who came up with the idea of weeks, and said we'd have 52 in a year, and then what is a year, and a decade and so on and so forth. My last question (for this little list) is time really what we think it is?
everything we do is timed. Every time we talk about something we talk about it with reference to time. I went swimming last week, I'm going to walk the dog later, my 10-year-plan. So you see, time is a construct of everything, everyday.
The only think that makes a day a day, and a night a night is the fact that it's light or dark. Now if it's a cloudy dull day, and it's not very light, then does time run the same way as it always does? Do we operate on different frequencies? Do we always operate on different frequencies? How about sometimes? Maybe never? Who really knows?
The thing that really gets me with time, is the fact that you have days where it seems to go fast, and days where it seems to go ultra slow. And the reason I ask about the different frequencies is because when you are asleep you can have a dream that lasts for seemingly many days, and yet when you wake up it's been a matter of hours.
Do we all experience this given time in the same way? And can time be manipulated? I put it to you that it can. Ponder on it a couple of days while I think up and argument for it.
7 February 2008
And so....
...to bed.
Okay, I'm not going straight to sleep, I need to go over a few details of the past few days, just so we all know where I am at.
Lets go to bright and early on Monday morning, so still a little disgruntled i get up, and jump in the car, and from then, that moment when I pressed the magic play button on my MP3 player, I knew it was going to be a beautiful week.
The first song that came on, I decided at that very moment is the song I want played at my funeral. Admittedly it's slightly worrying that at the beginning of a brilliant week such as this one of the first things I really thought about was my funeral....but hey, why not. the song by the way is Love Generation by Bob Sinclair. I think it's perfect. It's bright and lively and happy, and always makes me think back to my first real adventure in South Africa. And because it makes me feel amazing as soon as I hear it, I'm hoping it will up the mood at my funeral. And I'd like everyone to attend in green, yellow, blue, pink, red, orange, purple...anything other than black really.
So I goes to uni, am slightly late for a lecture, due to being too lazy to get up at 5am on the dot, and so not leaving until 6.30, but not to worry, I got in and the topic of the lecture was democracy... which I do believe the amazingness mentioned in his blog that I read only a couple of days before.... here it is.
So we go on about having a rational choice democracy, where basically the majority win, and the minority will get together and say "Oi" but possibly not really get anywhere. should Will provide us with mini-milks at 9am on Monday's as an incentive to go to Philosophy. Majority will say "yes please" but the unhappy minority will say no because they don't like them, or are lactose intolerant I do believe was the example Will used. And then we talked about the other sort of democracy, that we don't really have, where people put aside their selfish interests, and think about what's best for society.
So after that I go to the machine desperado for some chocolate (my addiction to which is growing rather rapidly) and get myself a free packet of quavers in the process. Bargain!!
And later that day I give a homeless looking man a pound because he asked ever so nicely for 50p for some food, and so I gave him a pound. Thats my good deed.
Then it was after uni, and I went to Yazmin's and stayed the night at hers. Was knackerood, but who really minds.
Tuesday I went to uni, went to the library, was stopped in my tracks by a piece of paper folded in half, but the words "Ancient Knowledge" jumped out at me, and just next to this was information about the Bridport Prize. Me being me thinks that there is a reason that I was stopped by something that never would have sopped me if it wasn't for the amazingness, and saw something about short-story and poetry writing. The amazingness by the way, if I haven't said before, writes some very amazing poems. Unlike a lot of poets, like erm... well many poets, that spend ages deciding what word would go there, and what imagery fits in where and this, that and the other, the amazingness doesn't. These poems, which are fantastic on the most part just seem to flow from him. I've sat and sen him write a few in one go, and it's a spectacular sight to behold. But I keep telling him he should try to get them published, and then this opportunity was there, and so i piked up the leaflet and took it to him on Tuesday evening. I hope he does something with those poems, or they'd be wasted. I'd say he'll get something out of it, 1st prize I say. PLEASE, that way he can fun his travels, and go on his own journey, and with any luck, find a little something of what he is looking for. Oh I do hope so.
Why are his poems so good? because I worship the ground he walks on remember. But it's not just that. I am no expert on poetry, but I know that if you have a poem that somebody can relate to you are on to a winner. With the amazingness' poems, well you read them over and over again, and in general what ever is happening, those poems will fit. They seem to be very apt to change around them. They develop in your mind as your mind develops so to speak. I know what I mean even if nobody else does. So amazingness... please enter (I'll even pay your entry fee if needs be).
Now then, that was Tuesday already, I went to see the amazingness, and actually had a lovely evening, and I wasn't my usual silly me. I mean I rambled complete nonsense, but it wasn't so bad. And then after a while I had a giggle and a laugh, and it was nice, and I mean really nice. And then it was sleepy time, so I went to sleep. My Wednesday alarm started going off at someincredibly silly time of day, but I couldn't work out where my phone was, and it didn't seem to wake up the amazingness, so I waited for it to finish going off all it's 10 times, and hoorah, back to sleep I went.
Got up a little later, went home, walked the dog, ate chocolate with a freind who has recently split with her man. We all know that chocolate makes everything better... Later I went back around to see the amazingness, and again had a very lovely evening... and that's the way it should be. I left with a smile on my face twice, and I have learned a lot over the last few days. I tell ya, when we get along, things are so much more mind-blowing. And I think, I do not know this, but I think, if I am a bit more happy and lively, so is he, and that, to me, is something very special indeed. It builds and it grows in us both.
I do often wonder if this is really me talking. It doesn't seem like it much, and I can't believe that I say these things, but it appears that I do.
Today, well today I spent at work, and have been chilling all evening, watching nothing in particular, and surfing the net, looking at completely nothing at all.
That's all for now folks.
Okay, I'm not going straight to sleep, I need to go over a few details of the past few days, just so we all know where I am at.
Lets go to bright and early on Monday morning, so still a little disgruntled i get up, and jump in the car, and from then, that moment when I pressed the magic play button on my MP3 player, I knew it was going to be a beautiful week.
The first song that came on, I decided at that very moment is the song I want played at my funeral. Admittedly it's slightly worrying that at the beginning of a brilliant week such as this one of the first things I really thought about was my funeral....but hey, why not. the song by the way is Love Generation by Bob Sinclair. I think it's perfect. It's bright and lively and happy, and always makes me think back to my first real adventure in South Africa. And because it makes me feel amazing as soon as I hear it, I'm hoping it will up the mood at my funeral. And I'd like everyone to attend in green, yellow, blue, pink, red, orange, purple...anything other than black really.
So I goes to uni, am slightly late for a lecture, due to being too lazy to get up at 5am on the dot, and so not leaving until 6.30, but not to worry, I got in and the topic of the lecture was democracy... which I do believe the amazingness mentioned in his blog that I read only a couple of days before.... here it is.
So we go on about having a rational choice democracy, where basically the majority win, and the minority will get together and say "Oi" but possibly not really get anywhere. should Will provide us with mini-milks at 9am on Monday's as an incentive to go to Philosophy. Majority will say "yes please" but the unhappy minority will say no because they don't like them, or are lactose intolerant I do believe was the example Will used. And then we talked about the other sort of democracy, that we don't really have, where people put aside their selfish interests, and think about what's best for society.
So after that I go to the machine desperado for some chocolate (my addiction to which is growing rather rapidly) and get myself a free packet of quavers in the process. Bargain!!
And later that day I give a homeless looking man a pound because he asked ever so nicely for 50p for some food, and so I gave him a pound. Thats my good deed.
Then it was after uni, and I went to Yazmin's and stayed the night at hers. Was knackerood, but who really minds.
Tuesday I went to uni, went to the library, was stopped in my tracks by a piece of paper folded in half, but the words "Ancient Knowledge" jumped out at me, and just next to this was information about the Bridport Prize. Me being me thinks that there is a reason that I was stopped by something that never would have sopped me if it wasn't for the amazingness, and saw something about short-story and poetry writing. The amazingness by the way, if I haven't said before, writes some very amazing poems. Unlike a lot of poets, like erm... well many poets, that spend ages deciding what word would go there, and what imagery fits in where and this, that and the other, the amazingness doesn't. These poems, which are fantastic on the most part just seem to flow from him. I've sat and sen him write a few in one go, and it's a spectacular sight to behold. But I keep telling him he should try to get them published, and then this opportunity was there, and so i piked up the leaflet and took it to him on Tuesday evening. I hope he does something with those poems, or they'd be wasted. I'd say he'll get something out of it, 1st prize I say. PLEASE, that way he can fun his travels, and go on his own journey, and with any luck, find a little something of what he is looking for. Oh I do hope so.
Why are his poems so good? because I worship the ground he walks on remember. But it's not just that. I am no expert on poetry, but I know that if you have a poem that somebody can relate to you are on to a winner. With the amazingness' poems, well you read them over and over again, and in general what ever is happening, those poems will fit. They seem to be very apt to change around them. They develop in your mind as your mind develops so to speak. I know what I mean even if nobody else does. So amazingness... please enter (I'll even pay your entry fee if needs be).
Now then, that was Tuesday already, I went to see the amazingness, and actually had a lovely evening, and I wasn't my usual silly me. I mean I rambled complete nonsense, but it wasn't so bad. And then after a while I had a giggle and a laugh, and it was nice, and I mean really nice. And then it was sleepy time, so I went to sleep. My Wednesday alarm started going off at someincredibly silly time of day, but I couldn't work out where my phone was, and it didn't seem to wake up the amazingness, so I waited for it to finish going off all it's 10 times, and hoorah, back to sleep I went.
Got up a little later, went home, walked the dog, ate chocolate with a freind who has recently split with her man. We all know that chocolate makes everything better... Later I went back around to see the amazingness, and again had a very lovely evening... and that's the way it should be. I left with a smile on my face twice, and I have learned a lot over the last few days. I tell ya, when we get along, things are so much more mind-blowing. And I think, I do not know this, but I think, if I am a bit more happy and lively, so is he, and that, to me, is something very special indeed. It builds and it grows in us both.
I do often wonder if this is really me talking. It doesn't seem like it much, and I can't believe that I say these things, but it appears that I do.
Today, well today I spent at work, and have been chilling all evening, watching nothing in particular, and surfing the net, looking at completely nothing at all.
That's all for now folks.
3 February 2008
Functional...
In every dysfunctional sense of the word.
Okay, so I'm thinking I have a brain, and it works, it really bloody works. Even if sometimes I don't believe it myself. The problem with thinking through your brain, as I tend to do, means it doesn't work when you want it to, and when you'd rather it didn't work it seems to go in overdrive mode.
I saw a uni friend on Sunday that I've not really seen since I left halls early last year. I asked if she wanted any food coz I was about to leave Leicester, and had loads of the stuff that I didn't want to throw in the bin, thinking mostly of all the people who do not have any food. It seemed really unfair to throw out lots of good food. She came over, and I found that where once I probably could have talked to her for hours, I had nothing to say.
I went back to work this week, somewhere that I have been back to before, last time was last Easter. Last easter I was chatting all day every day to everyone, this time, I've avoided speaking to people at the best of times. I just don't have anything to say really.
My friend from afar has been close by this week, and I've seen her all of once, and while I was looking forward to seeing her, suddenly, when I was in her presence I had nothing whatsoever to say.
That's threewo examples of where the mind stops. And I looked forward so much to seeing the amazingness this weekend. I had missed him so much over the past week, and again, nothing. This keeps happening time and time and time and time and time and time and time and time and time and time again.
I don't understand. But then I wonder is there really anything to understand? Anything to grasp at all? I know it's all a figment of my imagination, and so technically it doesn't matter. But it matters to me. It matters to me because he matters to me. More than anything, and for some bizarre reason things seems to be tits up and backwards when it comes to him. I want it to be hunky dory, I've asked for that so much, and I believe that it can, and that it will be... I'm not expecting miracles, I don't believe it's going to be an overnight jobby, and I know I am going to have to work at it, really hard. And as many times as I've thought myself and moaned about the amazingness to myself, I know it's all down to me at the end of the day. I know it, so the trick I suppose is believing it :) woohar
So here's what I am going to do. I am rather publicly going to coach myself through each and every dilemma that gets in my way. Everything. from the small little things, to the really big things. It's my life, it's my world, it's the little thing that I do that can make a big big difference, to me and everybody around me.
Really, truly, I know it's not that hard. The thought of doing something is always worse than it is. I've just read a paragraph of some e-book that I found for free, just the first paragraph, and just from that I got a slight buzz, hopefully, by time I've read the lot I'll be onto a winner. I say I found, I just happened to open some other link, and there was a link to it on the page. Then on that page there was a link to an NLP seminar, which I enrolled for and passed onto the amazingness.
So here goes, putting forth my desires into reality. My first:- this week is going to be a whirlwind and a massive learning experience. I will learn things I never knew existed in my heart, and I will start taking the necessary steps to sorting myself out.
Top of my slightly long-term list though, is to understand and grasp things that I haven't grasped before. Everything, from the sublime to the ridiculous. What I plan to do is to stop reacting, and rather than reacting, doing. Oh yes, I am going to be good at making decisions too.
As I have just seen this advert on another page, about something completely different, i am going to make myself amazing.
So, from now on, no more misgogness please Ashley.
I'll be good I promise, lets gets cracking with the good (and nice) stuff.
Okay, so I'm thinking I have a brain, and it works, it really bloody works. Even if sometimes I don't believe it myself. The problem with thinking through your brain, as I tend to do, means it doesn't work when you want it to, and when you'd rather it didn't work it seems to go in overdrive mode.
I saw a uni friend on Sunday that I've not really seen since I left halls early last year. I asked if she wanted any food coz I was about to leave Leicester, and had loads of the stuff that I didn't want to throw in the bin, thinking mostly of all the people who do not have any food. It seemed really unfair to throw out lots of good food. She came over, and I found that where once I probably could have talked to her for hours, I had nothing to say.
I went back to work this week, somewhere that I have been back to before, last time was last Easter. Last easter I was chatting all day every day to everyone, this time, I've avoided speaking to people at the best of times. I just don't have anything to say really.
My friend from afar has been close by this week, and I've seen her all of once, and while I was looking forward to seeing her, suddenly, when I was in her presence I had nothing whatsoever to say.
That's threewo examples of where the mind stops. And I looked forward so much to seeing the amazingness this weekend. I had missed him so much over the past week, and again, nothing. This keeps happening time and time and time and time and time and time and time and time and time and time again.
I don't understand. But then I wonder is there really anything to understand? Anything to grasp at all? I know it's all a figment of my imagination, and so technically it doesn't matter. But it matters to me. It matters to me because he matters to me. More than anything, and for some bizarre reason things seems to be tits up and backwards when it comes to him. I want it to be hunky dory, I've asked for that so much, and I believe that it can, and that it will be... I'm not expecting miracles, I don't believe it's going to be an overnight jobby, and I know I am going to have to work at it, really hard. And as many times as I've thought myself and moaned about the amazingness to myself, I know it's all down to me at the end of the day. I know it, so the trick I suppose is believing it :) woohar
So here's what I am going to do. I am rather publicly going to coach myself through each and every dilemma that gets in my way. Everything. from the small little things, to the really big things. It's my life, it's my world, it's the little thing that I do that can make a big big difference, to me and everybody around me.
Really, truly, I know it's not that hard. The thought of doing something is always worse than it is. I've just read a paragraph of some e-book that I found for free, just the first paragraph, and just from that I got a slight buzz, hopefully, by time I've read the lot I'll be onto a winner. I say I found, I just happened to open some other link, and there was a link to it on the page. Then on that page there was a link to an NLP seminar, which I enrolled for and passed onto the amazingness.
So here goes, putting forth my desires into reality. My first:- this week is going to be a whirlwind and a massive learning experience. I will learn things I never knew existed in my heart, and I will start taking the necessary steps to sorting myself out.
Top of my slightly long-term list though, is to understand and grasp things that I haven't grasped before. Everything, from the sublime to the ridiculous. What I plan to do is to stop reacting, and rather than reacting, doing. Oh yes, I am going to be good at making decisions too.
As I have just seen this advert on another page, about something completely different, i am going to make myself amazing.
So, from now on, no more misgogness please Ashley.
I'll be good I promise, lets gets cracking with the good (and nice) stuff.
1 February 2008
The Amazingness
Just to clear a couple of things up, in case you are not the amazingness, and have stumbled upon this by chance and are wondering who this amazingness person is.
It's not like he's God, and I don't worship him in a godly type way. I guess I do worship him in a sense though. (And although this makes me sound like a Muppet, to me, in my world, he may as well be God)
It has to be said that he's one of the most influential people I've ever met...ever. He has taught me a lot, and has opened my mind to new possibilities, of which they are endless. He has taught me a lot about a lot of things.
He's the only person I know that has true passion for something, and it's a beautiful thing to witness. Seeing this in someone makes me smile inside and out. It's so refreshing to find someone who's not afraid to follow their heart and speak their mind.
We have our days when we don't get along at all, and we do have our ups and downs. It's funny, when we are having an "up" and getting along, I just want to grin all the time, it just feels awesome.
Basically, time spent with him is never time wasted. Time goes far too fast when I am around him. More often than not I have to force myself to leave his presence, because time that has been created is the limitation.
Pardon me for being so sappy here, but if you knew him how I do, well just maybe you would understand.
*blush*
It's not like he's God, and I don't worship him in a godly type way. I guess I do worship him in a sense though. (And although this makes me sound like a Muppet, to me, in my world, he may as well be God)
It has to be said that he's one of the most influential people I've ever met...ever. He has taught me a lot, and has opened my mind to new possibilities, of which they are endless. He has taught me a lot about a lot of things.
He's the only person I know that has true passion for something, and it's a beautiful thing to witness. Seeing this in someone makes me smile inside and out. It's so refreshing to find someone who's not afraid to follow their heart and speak their mind.
We have our days when we don't get along at all, and we do have our ups and downs. It's funny, when we are having an "up" and getting along, I just want to grin all the time, it just feels awesome.
Basically, time spent with him is never time wasted. Time goes far too fast when I am around him. More often than not I have to force myself to leave his presence, because time that has been created is the limitation.
Pardon me for being so sappy here, but if you knew him how I do, well just maybe you would understand.
*blush*
Joy, love and nasty nice things
So yesterday lunchtime I was wondering through Newmarket, on a hunt for a card and a present for a first birthday. And when venturing into every shop I had this huge red & pink reminder of the fact that the most God-awful day of the year is fast approaching.
VALENTINES DAY
It's not a day that I've ever really enjoyed. In fact, I've never taken part... well only in the sense that I've sat in my room watching many films that have no love story in them (yes they do exist) with a tub of ice cream, or chocolate, or really anything nice that isn't pink or red. Trouble is at the forefront of my mind has always been friends that are spending time with a partner and doing whatever it is that couples do on valentines day. It's made me miserable for years.
While I think that it's lovely that there is a special day for which people get to show how much they care, like everything, it's all so commercial. Walking around and constantly seeing hearts and flowers all over the place and "leave a valentines message here" in shop windows.
DO you need to buy masses of presents to show someone how much you really care? And does everyone need to do it on the same day? Isn't that what anniversaries are for? And I don't just mean those stupid one week, two week, three week ones, I mean the proper ones, those yearly ones.
What I think I am trying to say is that shops are exploiting "love" for money. If you care about someone, do nice things spontaneously, you don't need a day that was invented to do it. Saying that, I suppose you do. I guess that if someone received a seemingly random something from a partner, they would presume that someone has a guilty conscience.
Just please do not think that you have to buy a partner something for valentines day, and don't let the world make you feel guilty for not doing so. Do it on a day that the mood takes you, without any silly "the perfect gift for valentines day" weblinks. Do it when you want to, when you want to show you care. The more I think about valentines day, the less meaning it has. It never really had a meaning in the first place did it.
VALENTINES DAY
It's not a day that I've ever really enjoyed. In fact, I've never taken part... well only in the sense that I've sat in my room watching many films that have no love story in them (yes they do exist) with a tub of ice cream, or chocolate, or really anything nice that isn't pink or red. Trouble is at the forefront of my mind has always been friends that are spending time with a partner and doing whatever it is that couples do on valentines day. It's made me miserable for years.
While I think that it's lovely that there is a special day for which people get to show how much they care, like everything, it's all so commercial. Walking around and constantly seeing hearts and flowers all over the place and "leave a valentines message here" in shop windows.
DO you need to buy masses of presents to show someone how much you really care? And does everyone need to do it on the same day? Isn't that what anniversaries are for? And I don't just mean those stupid one week, two week, three week ones, I mean the proper ones, those yearly ones.
What I think I am trying to say is that shops are exploiting "love" for money. If you care about someone, do nice things spontaneously, you don't need a day that was invented to do it. Saying that, I suppose you do. I guess that if someone received a seemingly random something from a partner, they would presume that someone has a guilty conscience.
Just please do not think that you have to buy a partner something for valentines day, and don't let the world make you feel guilty for not doing so. Do it on a day that the mood takes you, without any silly "the perfect gift for valentines day" weblinks. Do it when you want to, when you want to show you care. The more I think about valentines day, the less meaning it has. It never really had a meaning in the first place did it.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
