The great outdoors

I want to go camping. I've wanted to go camping for quite sometime. Something appeals about surviving a night or two in the great outdoors with nature at my side. I want to be in the middle of a field gazing up at the stars and marvelling in all their wonder.

Is it me or is there something truly amazing about the nights sky. And to think a few years ago I wouldn't have even cared, and now I'm waiting for the chance to see it in all it's glory, away from the bright street lights of the town. Just me, a blanket and the stars.

Show me the man who can do all this....

And I'll happily give him a chance....if not, they can all sod right off...expect one of them.....

How to Make a Woman Happy

It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynaecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22.... a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31.... creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping!
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50 . not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT: !

54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY

1. Show up naked
2. Bring beer

Honestly I don't expect that much to ever come from a man...or a woman for that matter, as humans, we just don't have the mental capacity to be able to do it. I'd be happy with a smile and a cuddle every now and then....just a shame it wont be happening any time soon....!!

Thank goodness we don't all speak one language

Because I swear, if we did I'd end up punching a lot of people right in the nose, or giving them a poke in the eye or a flick on the ear. People don't half talk some nonsense crap, and to be quite honest, I get really annoyed when I walk past people and they are talking about who did what with who and where.

"like...omg...did you hear what she did?!"
"yeah...I know...crazy innit"
"fuck yes...she's well cool"

That kind of nonsense I think is awful. Really, who cares. And why do people insist on talking so loud, like their conversation takes prescience over everyone else's conversation.

It was bliss walking around with a group of 30 French-speaking people. Not understanding a word of what they said. And I remember being quite happy in South Africa listening to people waffling gobbledygook....that's the way the turkey talks after all....I think that Turkey and I will get along just great :) ..... x

What do you really achieve?!

Okay....I'm a student, occasionally I go to university, always I wonder the same thing as I walk in.

What is it with people - girls - that thing going into a lesson is like going into a bloody nightclub. Why do they feel the need to get their best dress and heels on for a lesson?! Is everything now really about pulling....of course that's all that's on the mind of the young at university...pulling and ultimately sex.

I stopped wearing make-up almost 7 weeks ago now, and have sworn only to wear it on the odd night out. I realised that this make-up and dressing up business was always done to impress other people, to make me look more attractive to them, but do you know what I realised. I realised that I hate men...I've always hated men since they became an aspect of my life. They don't have a brain, they are selfish and care about nothing but themselves...and do you know what I put that down to....I put that down to the fact that in whatever capacity, there is always a woman running around for them somewhere.....or a feminine man if they just so happen to be gay!!

So yes, I stopped wearing make-up, I don't have to look good for myself, if my hair looks nice, no matter what my face looks like I feel good. And if I put make-up on when going out I feel like a million dollars!!

I'm not about sex...I don't give one iota, and putting a foot outside the door to me is not a pulling opportunity....I mean really, if you spend hours each morning making yourself feel lovely, then it must take three times that long on a night out for anyone to notice the difference.

I guess it covers up insecurities....afterall, we are told we must look perfect all the time, and I suppose if we don't have hair like Jennifer Ansiton and a body like Beyonce we are not perfect....so technically the planet are full of the most insecure of people, and that's why we cover out bodies with make-up fake tan, and blind me, even bloody clothes. It's tragic....and this is what they call civilization.

I'm not a big fan of civilization!

Making a stew

friend: good luck with your pie
me: it's not a pie it's a stew
friend: stew pie same thing

What does that say to me?? Stewipie...I do miss him muchly.....in fact today I've hd to train myself to write stew and not Stew.....how sad is that!! I want my friend back

Wondering why

i put on my dancing shoes tonight, in fact all day, and danced from the moment I was awake....even in the shower, where I couldn't even hear the music....I do like a dance, and theres nothing like a good dance to bring a bit of life into one's soul....

I went to the local club....ICE....there is only one in this town, it's small, but can be good for a laugh and catching up with people you've not seen for a while....

Funny thing is, this one town where people always know your business, and this is of course spurred on by the likes of Facebook....why I still use this is unbeknown to me, I hate it and everything it stands for!! Anyway, I was highly ungrateful of a reminder of a certain person....I just wanted to dance and be happy for a change, not hear all about someone, how good or not they were in bed, and that someone else still has a thing for them....good for you. Why do people always feel the need to pry into your sex life....am I the only person that believes that there is no discussion on this matter....that it's something thats between two people, and that's how it should stay?!

So I was really proud of myself all day for not contacting them when I had the chance....I'm desperately trying to let recent events blow over, so that there is a chance to rebuild our friendship....so I'm biding my time and waiting....in the mean time I could really do without constant reminders of what I never really had, but always hoped and dreamed for, and want oh so much!!

Are you going to appear in every dream, is something you said going to appear in front of me every single day?!

READ THIS

All I can say, is after what I said previously....

WOW

Chaos, Collapse and Syncronicity

Is it me, or is there some sort of link right there?!

This cosmos thing wont let me forget.....

Or perhaps it's just me....holding on to a memory holding on to that sense of belonging that maybe I never actually felt...

Funny...today I woke up, I read my horoscope, as I do most mornings....it said something about wanting to know where I was from and exploring the culture I am surrounded by....then I read the news....interest rate was dropped, money coming from nowhere to boost the economy....then I check all my feeds to see if anything exciting has appeared....to my surprise, after almost a year the amazingness himself has posted something. In it he talks about the culture of today, and about the economy....

Now while it may seem that they are all rather random, they are linked....because I still notice coincidences/syncronicities/cosmic giggles, and whenever there is one, I smile to myself, I acknowledge it, and I think of the amazingness....

Funny....I was reading a random link the other day, and there was a blogger repeating what the amazingness said a long while ago...about music and how next to nothing comes from the heart in music any more, how it's all about money making. And a few days before that I had a survey pop up on my facebook from MTV of all places, asking what I was interested in, or what I wanted more of or something. That's actually from a recent conversation of ours....I never filled it in...I don't want to be a "mook".

It's inevitable that nothing will let me forget something that I'd quite like to forget....I know that for whatever reason I have learned things over the past two years that I cannot ignore, of course everything goes back to someone, but to me it's all come from one person....

So I promise that I'll never forget, and I'll be vigilant of things that might just come around!!

Paper makes money

That's it, you can make money with a bit of paper...albeit a bit of official looking government type paper.

Interest rates got dropped again today....lowest for about a million years or so...not only that, the BoE are pumping 75billion squiddies and a whole lot more into the economy, thinking it'll give it a bit of a boost...

I read on the BBC News website this morning

Quantitative easing is the process of increasing the amount of money in circulation in an attempt to revive the economy.

While the Bank will initially add £75bn, Chancellor Alistair Darling has given it permission to extend this to up to £150bn.

The idea is that if the amount of money in the system is boosted, commercial banks will find it easier to lend.

Quantitative easing is sometimes incorrectly referred to as printing money, but the Bank will not expand the supply of money by making new banknotes.

Instead, it will buy assets - such as government securities (gilts) and corporate bonds.

So it will just be printing money then....hoorah, glad we have got to the bottom of what bonds are....bits of paper....for the printing on of many more bits of paper. Wow, and like the BoE can just say, "here, have 75 billion".....they can, but it's worth nothing now....I think the amazingness was right...maybe this hyperinflation thing will come about, and perhaps we will be rioting over a loaf of bread....but then they can get rid of the paupers, it'll become a time of survival of the fittest, and that could see the end of you or I....but fear not....it'll only hurt for a little while....besides, you'd be damn lucky to escape from this evil corrupt world....

However, until that day comes, enjoy what small things you have, for it's life's small things that will give you the greatest comfort in the dark times...even if it's just a nice warm cosy duvet :)

Going to going to get happy!!

I am making a massive huge effort to improve myself....

I've been so miserable of late, and to be quite honest it's driving me insane. I don't want to be sad any more. I want my life back. I want any ounce of anything I used to have back....but at the same time I want to keep what I have and be a completely new version of the old me....I want my lust for life back....I had it once, so why not again? And while I have no confidence now, I hope it comes back, and I hope I do get somewhere in life...I hope I do move out before long, get my own place and live life the way I want to live it....most importantly I want to be my own person...I don't want to be used by anyone, or feel like I've been used by anyone ever again....I want to be Ashley of the Byford vairiety....

Of course there will be set backs on the way, but I must make the effort not to slip back into my old ways, the miserable crying one. I've only cried a couple of times in the last almost 6 weeks, and that's because I lost Father....I think I'm doing really bloody well :)

I can miss and I can wish, and I can continue to beat myself up about everything that's gone wrong, and the two special people I've lost recently, but I can also be very grateful that I got to spend time with them both at some point in my life, and while I'll never stop loving either of them....I will be thankful, and our paths may or may not cross again, either in this life or the next, but I am thankful for everything that has happened!!

I'm going back to Leicester this week, and to be honest I wasn't looking forward to it, but now I am...because what reason have I got to stick around here any more?! There was a long time that I have resented Leicester...because I had a friend here, a friend who needed me, and there was a massive obstacle in the way...this distance...but they are ok now, and I don't really see them any more, and while with all the want in the world I'd like nothing more, I cannot keep kidding myself that something might happen....because it wont!! I'm angry with them, I'm very angry with them, but then that's a small part of love, and the rest is so much more!!

Back to the point...I find it very difficult not to get side tracked when I think of a certain someone, but hey-ho...I'm stronger than that, and eventually the longing, the pining and waiting will go away....maybe....

No more hurt and no more upset....because together they make Ashley a very awful selfish, self-centered horrible person, which she is not, and never really has been, or should have been. I will no longer be an alien to myself, and I shall simply be....well, me x

Not what I had planned...but

it was on the cards to write, and the title is apt to my writing, because....

for the past almost 4 years I had a goal. A goal to teach and to travel and I've worked towards that, even though it's been mega difficult....I've still kept going, I still am going because I've got a point to prove, and that's that I'm not entirely useless, lazy or stupid. Ok, I'm quite a lot of those things, but not completely. I do have some drive in me, although minimal!!

I no longer want to teach....if I were to teach I'd become a dictator, I'd restrict the freedom of thought/action of many individuals....I'd even expect them to act, think and talk in a language that isn't their own...how wrong is that?!

I wait for the day that all children are taught is how to read, write and do basic maths. There is a whole world on the internet and it's possible to learn anything....I'd happily be just a facilitator to those people, just give them a nudge of encouragement every now and then, or explain the odd word or two, but I don't want to dictate.....

As many people like to point out to me, teaching is a job that will always be there, which is true when you come to think of how many jobs are disappearing....but I don't want to do it...I will find a job doing something else....I no longer care if I'm pushing paper....all I want is to be out of the house for a few hours each day...giving something back to my parents....and saving up to do a postgraduate course in a years time at my current university....I'm going into cultural events management....and that is what I will do :)

When times stops

I'm no poet, but feel slightly poetic and had a little inspiration since my watch stopped...this will be a work in progress, and I want it to be quite good, so keep following and maybe one day I'll have a masterpiece :)


If it's always five to nine,
Am I late or forever on time?
Do I sleep or wake in these dreams of mine,
Or is every moment I live a false crime?

If I think of you every moment
Is it forever or just an instant?
Do you sleep or wake in those dreams of yours,
Or do you wonder throughout open doors?



More to follow sometime soon :) x