Saying goodbye - He's gone

Something that's been hanging over me for the last couple of weeks is my great grandad's funeral. I was rather emotional last weekend, and obviously such a great loss would bring a person to tears, and hurt in the most awful of ways.

I'd like to say that my Great Grandad "Father" was an amazing character. He was always so happy, full of life, and loved telling stories of years gone by. He spent some time in the army in World War two, and like any typical old man had many war stories to tell. He worked on the buses in London for many many years, and again, told many stories of all the people he saw and met and chatted to. He should have retired to Italy I'm sure of it. Always walking around doing his very best Itallian....he was the life and soul of any family party or get together, and today was no exception, everyone had so many memories to share....I only wish he was still here with us....I say that, but he lives one through us, and therefore he wont be forgotten...at least not for a while :)

The vicar at the ceremony read this poem, which spoke to me instantly, and while writing this I feel very tearful...I know I feel tearful for the right reasons....

HE'S GONE

You can shed tears that he is gone,
Or you can smile because he lived,

You can close your eyes and pray that he will come back,
Or you can open your eyes and see all that he has left.

Your heart can be empty because you can't see him,
Or you can be full of the love that you shared,

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember him and only that he is gone,
Or you can cherish his memory and let it live on,

You can cry and close your mind; be empty and turn your back,
Or you can do what he would want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

I think the poem is very apt. And I shall remember it forever. I'm not sure who wrote it, but it makes you realise that it's not the end.

There are things I wish he could have been around for. He was so proud of me for going to university, and he wanted nothing more than to see me graduate. So that I will, and it'll be thoughts of him that will keep me going. I also know that if Nanny Peg was still with us she'd be the same. They'd have loved to have seen me bring a child into the world too....I felt guilty for a while today because on reading the names of the close relatives the Vicar stopped at my brother...I felt in some way that the list should have continued along to "and great great grand-father to ...........". I've never felt guilty before for not wanting children, but thinking about it, my blood runs along to some child somewhere....or will do. I just don't want to be responsible for another person, particularly with my views of the world!!

Onwards and upwards I suppose. Lost, but not gone, and never forgotten. Always fondly remembered....and it's no longer about thinking of the things I didn't do and didn't know....it's about the things we did do and share and all the memories that are embedded deep within our hearts :) x