The Law of Sods

I've spent many days wondering what to say. I didn't want to go down the usual track of moaning about life's inconsistencies, but the more I think, the more they seem to appear to me as if by magic. It's as if I attract them. By means of the law of attraction perhaps I think too negatively of these inconstancies, and therefore they keep coming at me.

I'd like to point out right about now that I know I am not the only one suffering from life's inconsistencies, and I don't even think there is an answer for them. If there were a real answer, with all the mathematical equations and physics and geometry and cosmology thing to be solves, just like the guys who try to find infinity, the person setting themselves the challenge to work out what exactly goes on, with a view to getting it pin-point, would go insane.

My pet hate is the fact that what good people do is rarely recognised as such. And it seems that nobody ever gets what they deserve. Bad things happen to good people...it's written into Sod's Law. Good things happen to bad people. Again that's written into Sod's Law. And Sod's law is sent here to try us. To baffle us, to make us wonder. Why is it exactly that people don't notice what good people do, and yet as soon as someone does something bad suddenly people start to take notice. I know I live in a doom world. SOmething bad happens and hit hits the news like a tonne of bricks. But how often do you hear the good things that people do? Next to never.

Even Nelson Mandela, who I think is an amazing guy, well he went to prison for his efforts....crazy!! See what I mean?

Anyway, it is the law of the sod that rules me, and I will now waffle on about my last few months, weeks and days in an attempt to show this. If you think I have made a valid point and don't wish to hear my moans, then feel free to stop reading around about now.


I should feel amazing. I should. I deserve to feel amazing, but not to the law of the Sod.

Last month I gave up my time, and in a sense my lively hood for a few weeks to enable someone else to produce life. I gave away something that was mine, something that some do not have, and it's possibly one of the greatest gifts I think I could ever possibly give. You'd think that I'd have hd a slight reward for doing so? But no, in the weeks afterwards I felt more miserable than I'd ever felt. I did what only I know how to do best, and that was to throw myself back into work. The times I spend at work mean I don;t have to spend them alone, and bizarely I am happier when I am working, though I always long for a day off.

And you know what, it seems that the moment I brighten up a little bit, I am hit by some reality check. The idea of working 7 days a week is an idea that means that I would have some spare cash to myself to spend. I've not really been clothes shopping for a good two years, I actually have no shoes as they have been destroyed to myself, and I would love to be able to go out and buy a whole new wardrobe. Hence working so much, for the spending money. Oh but wait. I drive along one day and my tyre bursts....and so I have the palava of fixing that, and then a week or so later I take my car to the garage to get a new clutch. Mine had been going for quite some time, and I need a car when I start working properly. SO I took it in, gets it fixed, and how much was is.... £300 + a bit more. And then, two days later, there I am, happily driving along, with someone in the car behind me flashing me and pointing down....deep joy, what's wrong now? It's only my bloody exhaust all nice and wobbily....guess what I've got to fix that now too.

There was one really incredibly fab day at work. And when I say really i mean REALLY REALLY. It was possibally one of the best shifts I'd ever done, and I wanted nothing more than to share it with none other than the amazingness. It's been a while since we had two-way communication, but I really wanted to tell the amazingness all about my day. I could think of no-one better to tell than them. So I decided about half way home from work that I would go and see them. Afterall, I had conquered a huge fear that morning, and figured I could do another one. So I think YES, yes Ash. By time I got there I was a wreck. Every part of my body had turned to Jelly. I was sweating buckets, I was hot, I was cold, I was breathless. I was past butterflies and into nausea, but I still drove up to the house. There were no cars there, so I drove past and went home. It's not the first time I've gone that way, and felt like that. I tried a week or so earlier, while I was walking through the estate we live on, I decided I could stop by and say hello. I was particularly down, and just needed someone to chat to...well, a shoulder to cry on more like. As I got to their house all of the lights turned out, and I walked past. It's amazing when one person you really want in your life so much seems to have deserted you, and yet you feel that even if they hurt you so so much, you still want them there. I know I do, but that's a story for a rainy day.

Sunday will be my first proper day off for a while, and although I am going to do what I would have been doing if I was working, the weather is going to be miserable. Well that's just great. All I wanted was a nice picnic, some live local talent and some time to chill....I'm not letting the weather stop me though....I shall be unbeated by the law of the sod here.

Finally, supposedly you get what you give. And perhaps karma will get all those nasty people back in the end. Perhaps in their afterlife...but is it so much to ask for a chance to be happy? I look at people that seem happy enough, and wonder why with everything I;ve done for others I'm not that happy.....I know why. It's because all my grand plans in the making are ruined by the law of the sod. The cosmos doesn't seem to recognise my good deeds, and I take it to heart.

Why is that? Why can't everyone get what they deserve.....and that's to be happy.....real happy. If only I understood it with pin point precision.....