Smile at your weaknesses,

and laugh at your fears.

That's it. In the age of life where we are surrounded by badness, where we have fear drummed into us from every single angle, it's about time that we stopped and thought for a moment about what we are doing to ourselves.

So often people miss out on things because for whatever reason they are scared of something. We are scared because someone else was scared, or we were told it was scary. We were told we wouldn't be able to do it, we were told that we would be scared. And damn right we will be scared. But it's only when we let go of our fears and inhibitions that we really can start to live properly, and live the life that we want.

Take the plunge every once in a while. Do something crazy. Give up your job? Move abroad? Even something silly like going away for a weekend on a whim when you will be going alone and with no money. And when you feel the fear start creeping up on you, and the doubt starts pouring in just laugh.

I don't know much about the crazy world I live in, but what I do know is that nothing is good for anyone and everything is good every one. So start living life in the fast lane.

As for a weakness, when you are confronted with a mere weakness all you need to do is smile. Smiling funnily enough lifts your mood as much as laughing....do both, why not.

Don't be afraid, for all the trials and tribulations of life are just life. No more and no less.

Thanks for the comment....

"As I got to their house all of the lights turned out, and I walked past."

Haha thats a definate no then isnt it! lol.

"It's amazing when one person you really want in your life so much seems to have deserted you,"

Again.. LOL; theres a lot of that going around... not good to have it shoved in your face tho is it?

"Why can't everyone get what they deserve.....and that's to be happy.....real happy."

This is rel life thats why.. dont questoin it just get on wit it. Thinking is time wasting, doing is its own reward.

D'ya think that asking why about everything ... especially questions with no solid answers gives you an entitlement to be happy? Dont... your misry stems from you wantin to be happy, perpare for dissapointment and you will be suprised. Stop chansing after your ex boyfreind like a psycho and move on and move up.

Also enjoy the rain!

Well thank you very much. I think it's fair to say that whoever you are you seem to have got your back up about my last post. I didn't ask for you to read it.... what's all that about people being deserted and having it shoved in their face? I'm sorry to say that I never shoved anything in anybody's face. Nor did I mean to offend anyone in any way. I was merely having a moan....it's my blog and I can moan if I like.

I know what real life is. I also know that there are some people who are really unlucky, really really unlucky, and they deserve so much better. What's wrong with asking questions with no answers? I know I should be looking at why I am asking these questions....I know why I am asking them. I am asking them because I am looking for some good in this world, when mostly all there seems to be is doom and gloom. Thinking is not time wasting. Thinking broadens your horizons and mind....being closed minded and not open to idea however bizarre or however far from your own view of life is wasting time. And I am doing too....I'm doing an awful lot, too much maybe, but I rest soundly knowing that ina years time I will be exactly where I want to be. One day I will be happy, and I will get there on my own...with my thoughts, through my tests. There's no harm in wanting something, there's no harm in getting something. The only thing there is harm in is hurting people unnecessarily en-route.

Oh, and he's not my ex-boyfriend. Just a good friend (I still believe him to be) who has withstood his test of time and hopefully is now doing very well for himself. I care about him a lot. I made a promise to him that I intend to keep, and I think he knows that. A psycho I most certainly am not. I don't need to move on, or move up, because I no longer wish to rely on anyone, or anything except my own mind!! While I may seem bitter, twisted and weird, I am not.....just slightly frustrated that my efforts and hard work as the moment seem to be getting me nowhere fast!!

GOOD NIGHT!!

The Law of Sods

I've spent many days wondering what to say. I didn't want to go down the usual track of moaning about life's inconsistencies, but the more I think, the more they seem to appear to me as if by magic. It's as if I attract them. By means of the law of attraction perhaps I think too negatively of these inconstancies, and therefore they keep coming at me.

I'd like to point out right about now that I know I am not the only one suffering from life's inconsistencies, and I don't even think there is an answer for them. If there were a real answer, with all the mathematical equations and physics and geometry and cosmology thing to be solves, just like the guys who try to find infinity, the person setting themselves the challenge to work out what exactly goes on, with a view to getting it pin-point, would go insane.

My pet hate is the fact that what good people do is rarely recognised as such. And it seems that nobody ever gets what they deserve. Bad things happen to good people...it's written into Sod's Law. Good things happen to bad people. Again that's written into Sod's Law. And Sod's law is sent here to try us. To baffle us, to make us wonder. Why is it exactly that people don't notice what good people do, and yet as soon as someone does something bad suddenly people start to take notice. I know I live in a doom world. SOmething bad happens and hit hits the news like a tonne of bricks. But how often do you hear the good things that people do? Next to never.

Even Nelson Mandela, who I think is an amazing guy, well he went to prison for his efforts....crazy!! See what I mean?

Anyway, it is the law of the sod that rules me, and I will now waffle on about my last few months, weeks and days in an attempt to show this. If you think I have made a valid point and don't wish to hear my moans, then feel free to stop reading around about now.


I should feel amazing. I should. I deserve to feel amazing, but not to the law of the Sod.

Last month I gave up my time, and in a sense my lively hood for a few weeks to enable someone else to produce life. I gave away something that was mine, something that some do not have, and it's possibly one of the greatest gifts I think I could ever possibly give. You'd think that I'd have hd a slight reward for doing so? But no, in the weeks afterwards I felt more miserable than I'd ever felt. I did what only I know how to do best, and that was to throw myself back into work. The times I spend at work mean I don;t have to spend them alone, and bizarely I am happier when I am working, though I always long for a day off.

And you know what, it seems that the moment I brighten up a little bit, I am hit by some reality check. The idea of working 7 days a week is an idea that means that I would have some spare cash to myself to spend. I've not really been clothes shopping for a good two years, I actually have no shoes as they have been destroyed to myself, and I would love to be able to go out and buy a whole new wardrobe. Hence working so much, for the spending money. Oh but wait. I drive along one day and my tyre bursts....and so I have the palava of fixing that, and then a week or so later I take my car to the garage to get a new clutch. Mine had been going for quite some time, and I need a car when I start working properly. SO I took it in, gets it fixed, and how much was is.... £300 + a bit more. And then, two days later, there I am, happily driving along, with someone in the car behind me flashing me and pointing down....deep joy, what's wrong now? It's only my bloody exhaust all nice and wobbily....guess what I've got to fix that now too.

There was one really incredibly fab day at work. And when I say really i mean REALLY REALLY. It was possibally one of the best shifts I'd ever done, and I wanted nothing more than to share it with none other than the amazingness. It's been a while since we had two-way communication, but I really wanted to tell the amazingness all about my day. I could think of no-one better to tell than them. So I decided about half way home from work that I would go and see them. Afterall, I had conquered a huge fear that morning, and figured I could do another one. So I think YES, yes Ash. By time I got there I was a wreck. Every part of my body had turned to Jelly. I was sweating buckets, I was hot, I was cold, I was breathless. I was past butterflies and into nausea, but I still drove up to the house. There were no cars there, so I drove past and went home. It's not the first time I've gone that way, and felt like that. I tried a week or so earlier, while I was walking through the estate we live on, I decided I could stop by and say hello. I was particularly down, and just needed someone to chat to...well, a shoulder to cry on more like. As I got to their house all of the lights turned out, and I walked past. It's amazing when one person you really want in your life so much seems to have deserted you, and yet you feel that even if they hurt you so so much, you still want them there. I know I do, but that's a story for a rainy day.

Sunday will be my first proper day off for a while, and although I am going to do what I would have been doing if I was working, the weather is going to be miserable. Well that's just great. All I wanted was a nice picnic, some live local talent and some time to chill....I'm not letting the weather stop me though....I shall be unbeated by the law of the sod here.

Finally, supposedly you get what you give. And perhaps karma will get all those nasty people back in the end. Perhaps in their afterlife...but is it so much to ask for a chance to be happy? I look at people that seem happy enough, and wonder why with everything I;ve done for others I'm not that happy.....I know why. It's because all my grand plans in the making are ruined by the law of the sod. The cosmos doesn't seem to recognise my good deeds, and I take it to heart.

Why is that? Why can't everyone get what they deserve.....and that's to be happy.....real happy. If only I understood it with pin point precision.....