Stop leaving

It's safe to say that history repeats. I don't need to evidence that. It's always around, always about, always blatantly obvious. Some people don't notice it, but some do.

I do notice a few things. This means me being wrapped up in my head for a little while, but people keep leaving.

Ive had a string of good friends. In fact in terms of being homeward bound, it's only the people that have left that ever were good friends, barr the odd one or two. Being homeward bound makes me happy. I like being in Thetford. I like being at home. I don't understand why. I don't exactly get along that well with my parents, though I love them I suppose. In fact sometimes I'm not sure that I do. But shhhhhh. I much prefer my little brother and my nan if I am honest.

Anyway, I do feel like I am being left behind. Except one or two....no, really just one, everyone else has left. My best friend from school got married and left the country. My adopted big brothers, who for a while I spent every spare momemnt I had with, well all three of them left....not in one go.....but none of them are close by. There was a guy who fled the country. There was a boyfriend who simply dissapeared, supposedly out of the country, but a few months after they supposedly left the country they actually did, and then I found out. And then there was the greatest person I've ever known....and guess what, they fled the town and moved far away.

Okay, so thats where I wallow in it. I often wonder if perhaps there is something that wrong with me that people need to go so far away to get away from me. I know that's a bit extreme, but it has crossed my mind before. I also know that thinking that way is wrong. The time for pastures new comes up in everyones life, and undoubtedly for some, moving away and making a fresh start somewhere is what happens. And while I am genuinely happy for all those friends that have come and gone, and who I've seen change an come along in leaps and bounds, I can't help but feel that I am going to get left behind.

This is slightly hypocritical though. I for one have no intention of being here, or even in this country in two years time. With all my hopes and dreams of which really is only to travel, I don't suppose when the time comes it will matter. It wont matter who has come and gone all tht will matter is that I am off. Living my own dream.

I often find myself thinking about the friends that have walked away. I sometimes winder what they are doing, and of course, as is only natural, what would be happening if they were still here now. It takes a while, but you do eventually realise that your only one true friend is your own mind. Lets hope that doesn't decide to take of sometime soon too - haha