It's been quite some time since I've watched television (other than Hollyoaks). It's even been a long time since I've listened to the radio, even though I work in radio. There is a reason for this, things get blown way out of proportion.
Take the recent mumbo jumbo with Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross. After a series of phone calls made to Andrew Sachs (think Faulty Towers' Manuel) mostly about his granddaughter, the county has been up in arms about it all.
In my opinion it has all been blown out of proportion. It was s couple of calls made to a man, that said some not particularly nice things about his granddaughter. However, his granddaughter is not exactly a little angel, and isn't a model citizen. In fact, her career has been highlighted in the whole episode, and is perhaps of greated embarrasment to the family than the calls were in the first place.
So all week all I've heard about is Brand and Ross. Apparently the show has 400,000 listeners, and at the end of yesterday there were 27,000 complaints. Little over an eighth of the normal listeners. I expect the majority of complaints have no come from the shows listeners, but from people who have read papers, such as The Sun and The Mail and all the rest. It's all done to provoke a reaction. And yes, I am falling into that trap, as here I am moaning about it all.
Really, it's a show with a certain callibre of listeners. If it's the type of show that you may be offended by, then you don't listen. Same as FNWJR, if you don't like it, you don't watch it, simple as. And you get on with your life.
In my opinion, there was no need for them to be suspended, and no need for Russell Brand to resign from his Radio 2 show. They both issued an apology, and Andrew Sachs was happy with this, and doesn't wish to pursue it any further. In fact, he's probably just wanting to get back to his normal quiet life. Instead both he and his granddaughter are subject to all this media attention....
What really angers me, is the fact that all this got mention in parliament. What it has to do with them I don't know. Is there nothing these days that politicians don't ruin? Can nothing be done without them being involved. Many people say the words "I don't do politics". However, if you are alive, you do politics. Because the whole thing is politics. Politicians should stick to doing what they do best, spending tax payers money on rescuing banks from bankruptcy (how ironic). Not commenting on television or radio programmes and people.
Something is always going to offend someone. Whatever is said, and however it is meant. If something offends you, don't listen/watch/read it. It's got nothing to do with today's youth, or today's oldies, or today's society. Because of politics, this land has been invanded by double standards. Everyone supposedly has the freedom of speech. And if that offends someone, so be it. But apparently this doesn't work if you are on TV or the Radio.
The worst part about the whole thing is all the time, effort and money spend on reporting what's been going on. Or the time and effort it has taken for people to write complaints......when we should be either sorting out what's happening on our own doorstep, or putting effort into making people aware of other more pressing issues going on in the world.
30 October 2008
14 September 2008
Veni, Vidi, Vici
In other words, I came, I saw, I conquered.
While I was reading a story about the Lost Dutchmans Mine, I read that some man who tried to find it was shot, and in his pocket was a note with those words. I do not know what they mean, if the man wrote it, or perhaps maybe someone else?! And was he refering to the mine, or perhaps something else?
They are all a mystery. But the thing is, those three words zapped me, made me feel slightly light headed for a moment or two, and then the episode was over. But as I recently re-discovered this outlet, I thought I was write something. Anything really. I saw the three words before, I believe that the amazingness introduced me to them, and that's possibally why I see a whole lot more in those three weird words than I should...........Generally if something came out of the amazingness, even if it's something I haven't understood, I remember it, and it hits me somewhere along the line. He's very special if I may say so myself.
It's funny isn't it, how a person or a persons words can get stuck in our heads, like nothing else mattered.
While I was reading a story about the Lost Dutchmans Mine, I read that some man who tried to find it was shot, and in his pocket was a note with those words. I do not know what they mean, if the man wrote it, or perhaps maybe someone else?! And was he refering to the mine, or perhaps something else?
They are all a mystery. But the thing is, those three words zapped me, made me feel slightly light headed for a moment or two, and then the episode was over. But as I recently re-discovered this outlet, I thought I was write something. Anything really. I saw the three words before, I believe that the amazingness introduced me to them, and that's possibally why I see a whole lot more in those three weird words than I should...........Generally if something came out of the amazingness, even if it's something I haven't understood, I remember it, and it hits me somewhere along the line. He's very special if I may say so myself.
It's funny isn't it, how a person or a persons words can get stuck in our heads, like nothing else mattered.
13 September 2008
Mini Poem Thing
I thought of this while I was driving home this evening......
Dreaming of you keeps me awake
Being awake is a nightmare state
At least when I sleep you're there by my side
But when I wake I leave you behind
Clearly I was thinking about a certain someone when I wrote it, but I thought it was quite nice.
Now here I am hoping that nobody has written it before and that it might an original Ash masterpiece.
Dreaming of you keeps me awake
Being awake is a nightmare state
At least when I sleep you're there by my side
But when I wake I leave you behind
Clearly I was thinking about a certain someone when I wrote it, but I thought it was quite nice.
Now here I am hoping that nobody has written it before and that it might an original Ash masterpiece.
10 September 2008
What is the world coming to...? Really
I'm getting the hang of this writing thing again after a rather long rest-ish period.
I need to vent something that is kinda a current annoyance. You see I was watching the news today. I don't do it often, but today was the day. That Large Hadron Collider was turned on....so far so good, but that wasn't what got my attention today.....
The thing that got my attention, and annoyed me A LOT, was the fact that in one area adults that are in parks are being stopped an questioned by rangers in the interest of the safety of children. Has the world gone mad? They are not stopping everyone though, OH NO, just people that "look suspicious". They stopped one lady who was dressed as a penguin handing out climate change information because she might "attract children".
I'm sorry, but children in parks are generally either supervised by an adult that is quite capable of looking after their children without help from anyone else, and any other children are old enough to look after themselves, and wont be alone, but with their friends. In a group they are pretty sensible. Due to fear mongering by that old media chestnut they are aware of the potential risks, and I'm quite sure that their parents have told them to say no to strangers.
BACK OFF FFS. Apparently not doing this sort of crazy thing would be neglecting the safety of children. Will not having a policeman on every street corner watching everyones every move at all times of day also be neglecting the safety of children.
Good heavens. Not every single person on this planet is a child molesterer, and there may even be some people who find watching children play in the park a joy to behold, without malicious intent. I certainly find watching the children of today playing somewhat calming and relaxing. Does this mean I am a paedophile? No it doesn't.
I'm quite sure that not being able to wonder through a park at my own leisure and take in the sights, including children playing is really a violation of my human rights. There doesn't seem to be such a thing as freedom anymore. Certainly not in my eyes. Perhaps if Children weren't wrapped up in cotton wall as it were they'd be more streetwise anyway, and wouldn't be at such a high risk from nasty people.
It actually makes my blood boil. If it's happened in this one area, then likelihood is it will happen in more areas, and then eventually there will be a policeman on a street corner every second of the day and night watching everyones every move. If that does happen I'm sure there is no way that everyone would be completely protected. Let people deal with the idiots around them by themselves. Let us have a bit of freedom. Stop smothering us with all this safety crap. We all have the ability to asses situations ourselves. We all have a little something called common sense. We will take our own risks, and face the consequences of our own risks.
Thank you very much
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I need to vent something that is kinda a current annoyance. You see I was watching the news today. I don't do it often, but today was the day. That Large Hadron Collider was turned on....so far so good, but that wasn't what got my attention today.....
The thing that got my attention, and annoyed me A LOT, was the fact that in one area adults that are in parks are being stopped an questioned by rangers in the interest of the safety of children. Has the world gone mad? They are not stopping everyone though, OH NO, just people that "look suspicious". They stopped one lady who was dressed as a penguin handing out climate change information because she might "attract children".
I'm sorry, but children in parks are generally either supervised by an adult that is quite capable of looking after their children without help from anyone else, and any other children are old enough to look after themselves, and wont be alone, but with their friends. In a group they are pretty sensible. Due to fear mongering by that old media chestnut they are aware of the potential risks, and I'm quite sure that their parents have told them to say no to strangers.
BACK OFF FFS. Apparently not doing this sort of crazy thing would be neglecting the safety of children. Will not having a policeman on every street corner watching everyones every move at all times of day also be neglecting the safety of children.
Good heavens. Not every single person on this planet is a child molesterer, and there may even be some people who find watching children play in the park a joy to behold, without malicious intent. I certainly find watching the children of today playing somewhat calming and relaxing. Does this mean I am a paedophile? No it doesn't.
I'm quite sure that not being able to wonder through a park at my own leisure and take in the sights, including children playing is really a violation of my human rights. There doesn't seem to be such a thing as freedom anymore. Certainly not in my eyes. Perhaps if Children weren't wrapped up in cotton wall as it were they'd be more streetwise anyway, and wouldn't be at such a high risk from nasty people.
It actually makes my blood boil. If it's happened in this one area, then likelihood is it will happen in more areas, and then eventually there will be a policeman on a street corner every second of the day and night watching everyones every move. If that does happen I'm sure there is no way that everyone would be completely protected. Let people deal with the idiots around them by themselves. Let us have a bit of freedom. Stop smothering us with all this safety crap. We all have the ability to asses situations ourselves. We all have a little something called common sense. We will take our own risks, and face the consequences of our own risks.
Thank you very much
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
8 September 2008
Solitary confinement - alone in a world you created on your own?
I wrote this on, I think, 28th August, around 3 o'clock ish. However I have since misplaced it, but will write it as if I was there.....
Here I am sat in a Leisure Centre, supervising 26 French kids. However I am not worried about these kids. They all get along great, and seem to be integrating with the English children who are also here rather well. My attention has turned to the little English boy.
He was happily attempting to play tennis with some of the other English boys. He's clearly one of those children that just can't get to grips with sports. Much like I was, although I never made the effort, wheras he is making th effort. Anyway, these other English kids were making snide comments about the boys ability, and when other came over to play they tossed him aside like a piece of rubbish. He went to play table tennis with some of the French girls, but again was not all that good. It appeard from where I was sat that they were very encouraging, but being on your own with some French ladies, well it can't be an easy task. He continues to flit between groups, but doesn't appear to fit in anywhere. It's very sad indeed.
There is always one. There is always somebody that doesn't quite fit in. That is alienated form the group. In this case the only thing the boy has done "wrong" is by not playing sports quite as well as some of the others. He hasn't been rude or obnoxious. He has made efforts.
It makes me wonder. We are all alone. We are all living proof of that, but I often wonder whether at some stage we were not all alone. If at some stage we were actually far more alike and were far more able to relate and empathise with oneanother. It's clear in this boys case that somewhere there is a sense of belonging, the want to relate to and converse with others. To share experiences. Did suddenly while the human race was developing the wrong word get put in somewhere, meaning that kabow. Somebody suddenly has this whole new perspective on things that they could not control or understand. Did this esculate and is the reason that we are all now alone because over years we have been pushed aside for the better deal. The kid who can play sport?
As the brain and mind has developed over time then are we constantly fighting the hurt whilst at the same time loging to belong, leaving us in no real state of security, without us even knowing.
Anyway, it upsets me to see the boy wondering around on his own, desperately trying to fit in somewhere. In fact I want to cry. I'm emotional these days and feel myself about to well up at any given opportunity, so is that part of my conditioning? Is that part of me wanting to belong, and yet fighting it every step of the way.
Poor kid. I'm not so sure that we create our worlds on our own. I wonder how much this experience will affect this kid. Whether he will end up a recluse, or a complete extrovert to cover up the damage. Will he even realise where the damage comes from? Will anyone?!
Here I am sat in a Leisure Centre, supervising 26 French kids. However I am not worried about these kids. They all get along great, and seem to be integrating with the English children who are also here rather well. My attention has turned to the little English boy.
He was happily attempting to play tennis with some of the other English boys. He's clearly one of those children that just can't get to grips with sports. Much like I was, although I never made the effort, wheras he is making th effort. Anyway, these other English kids were making snide comments about the boys ability, and when other came over to play they tossed him aside like a piece of rubbish. He went to play table tennis with some of the French girls, but again was not all that good. It appeard from where I was sat that they were very encouraging, but being on your own with some French ladies, well it can't be an easy task. He continues to flit between groups, but doesn't appear to fit in anywhere. It's very sad indeed.
There is always one. There is always somebody that doesn't quite fit in. That is alienated form the group. In this case the only thing the boy has done "wrong" is by not playing sports quite as well as some of the others. He hasn't been rude or obnoxious. He has made efforts.
It makes me wonder. We are all alone. We are all living proof of that, but I often wonder whether at some stage we were not all alone. If at some stage we were actually far more alike and were far more able to relate and empathise with oneanother. It's clear in this boys case that somewhere there is a sense of belonging, the want to relate to and converse with others. To share experiences. Did suddenly while the human race was developing the wrong word get put in somewhere, meaning that kabow. Somebody suddenly has this whole new perspective on things that they could not control or understand. Did this esculate and is the reason that we are all now alone because over years we have been pushed aside for the better deal. The kid who can play sport?
As the brain and mind has developed over time then are we constantly fighting the hurt whilst at the same time loging to belong, leaving us in no real state of security, without us even knowing.
Anyway, it upsets me to see the boy wondering around on his own, desperately trying to fit in somewhere. In fact I want to cry. I'm emotional these days and feel myself about to well up at any given opportunity, so is that part of my conditioning? Is that part of me wanting to belong, and yet fighting it every step of the way.
Poor kid. I'm not so sure that we create our worlds on our own. I wonder how much this experience will affect this kid. Whether he will end up a recluse, or a complete extrovert to cover up the damage. Will he even realise where the damage comes from? Will anyone?!
7 September 2008
All the 2's and 3's
The title doesn't actually represent anything that I am about to type, for I don't actually know what mindless dribble is going to come out today. I have of late kept myself to myself. I stopped writing and doing things that gave me a means of escape from the world because I found an even greater means of escape. Yes, work, that old chestnut.
While one preoccupies them self with work, and little play time, life, while rather dull, never seems to seem to bad. Mainly because if ones mind is preoccupied they don't have to deal with minor...or even major issues surrounding them. I've never been sure if this sort of thing is good or bad. Either way, ones mind becomes frustrated. When it comes to work work work the mind doesn't have time to relax, to think. To bring up the issues that lay dormant in ones mind for a time. The body doesn't get a chance to recuperate fully, and after a short spell of working continually you feel lifeless, lack motivation, and in some cases go dolally. When it comes to no work at all, this leaves a great deal of thinking time, and one can be overloaded with a vast array of thoughts and emotions; swamped, trapped, eventually void, numb, lifeless, lacking in motivation, and of course, in some cases, doolally.
So what is this balance thing all about? Is it actually possible ot have abalance between work and rest that is entirely suitable? I don't believe that there is. Firstly work, as we know it, is repetative, full of scheduale and routine, and I don'r believe that the mind was made to deal with routine. Nature is random on the most part, yet mathematically sound. By being mathematically sound it has structure, but by being random it is balanced. You see too much structure and routine turns everything dumfound. I don't know how, or if I am right, I'm just writing my usual nonsense dribble.
I dare you to spend a day or two living solely off the earth. No house, a tent if you must, but building a shelter out of ingredients lying around you is even better. Eating berries off trees and bla bla. It's difficult because you have become acustomed to the life you lead. The one where everybody tells you what to do and how to live your life. Even if you think they don't, in subtle ways they do. But live in the randomness of the natural world and a whole host of possibilities are layed out before you.
Really if I am honest I am tired, rambling and don't know how to convey my thougths to anyone outside of my head. I'm giving it a go though, but it's no strongpoint of mine. Tata for now x
While one preoccupies them self with work, and little play time, life, while rather dull, never seems to seem to bad. Mainly because if ones mind is preoccupied they don't have to deal with minor...or even major issues surrounding them. I've never been sure if this sort of thing is good or bad. Either way, ones mind becomes frustrated. When it comes to work work work the mind doesn't have time to relax, to think. To bring up the issues that lay dormant in ones mind for a time. The body doesn't get a chance to recuperate fully, and after a short spell of working continually you feel lifeless, lack motivation, and in some cases go dolally. When it comes to no work at all, this leaves a great deal of thinking time, and one can be overloaded with a vast array of thoughts and emotions; swamped, trapped, eventually void, numb, lifeless, lacking in motivation, and of course, in some cases, doolally.
So what is this balance thing all about? Is it actually possible ot have abalance between work and rest that is entirely suitable? I don't believe that there is. Firstly work, as we know it, is repetative, full of scheduale and routine, and I don'r believe that the mind was made to deal with routine. Nature is random on the most part, yet mathematically sound. By being mathematically sound it has structure, but by being random it is balanced. You see too much structure and routine turns everything dumfound. I don't know how, or if I am right, I'm just writing my usual nonsense dribble.
I dare you to spend a day or two living solely off the earth. No house, a tent if you must, but building a shelter out of ingredients lying around you is even better. Eating berries off trees and bla bla. It's difficult because you have become acustomed to the life you lead. The one where everybody tells you what to do and how to live your life. Even if you think they don't, in subtle ways they do. But live in the randomness of the natural world and a whole host of possibilities are layed out before you.
Really if I am honest I am tired, rambling and don't know how to convey my thougths to anyone outside of my head. I'm giving it a go though, but it's no strongpoint of mine. Tata for now x
28 July 2008
Smile at your weaknesses,
and laugh at your fears.
That's it. In the age of life where we are surrounded by badness, where we have fear drummed into us from every single angle, it's about time that we stopped and thought for a moment about what we are doing to ourselves.
So often people miss out on things because for whatever reason they are scared of something. We are scared because someone else was scared, or we were told it was scary. We were told we wouldn't be able to do it, we were told that we would be scared. And damn right we will be scared. But it's only when we let go of our fears and inhibitions that we really can start to live properly, and live the life that we want.
Take the plunge every once in a while. Do something crazy. Give up your job? Move abroad? Even something silly like going away for a weekend on a whim when you will be going alone and with no money. And when you feel the fear start creeping up on you, and the doubt starts pouring in just laugh.
I don't know much about the crazy world I live in, but what I do know is that nothing is good for anyone and everything is good every one. So start living life in the fast lane.
As for a weakness, when you are confronted with a mere weakness all you need to do is smile. Smiling funnily enough lifts your mood as much as laughing....do both, why not.
Don't be afraid, for all the trials and tribulations of life are just life. No more and no less.
That's it. In the age of life where we are surrounded by badness, where we have fear drummed into us from every single angle, it's about time that we stopped and thought for a moment about what we are doing to ourselves.
So often people miss out on things because for whatever reason they are scared of something. We are scared because someone else was scared, or we were told it was scary. We were told we wouldn't be able to do it, we were told that we would be scared. And damn right we will be scared. But it's only when we let go of our fears and inhibitions that we really can start to live properly, and live the life that we want.
Take the plunge every once in a while. Do something crazy. Give up your job? Move abroad? Even something silly like going away for a weekend on a whim when you will be going alone and with no money. And when you feel the fear start creeping up on you, and the doubt starts pouring in just laugh.
I don't know much about the crazy world I live in, but what I do know is that nothing is good for anyone and everything is good every one. So start living life in the fast lane.
As for a weakness, when you are confronted with a mere weakness all you need to do is smile. Smiling funnily enough lifts your mood as much as laughing....do both, why not.
Don't be afraid, for all the trials and tribulations of life are just life. No more and no less.
5 July 2008
Thanks for the comment....
"As I got to their house all of the lights turned out, and I walked past."
Haha thats a definate no then isnt it! lol.
"It's amazing when one person you really want in your life so much seems to have deserted you,"
Again.. LOL; theres a lot of that going around... not good to have it shoved in your face tho is it?
"Why can't everyone get what they deserve.....and that's to be happy.....real happy."
This is rel life thats why.. dont questoin it just get on wit it. Thinking is time wasting, doing is its own reward.
D'ya think that asking why about everything ... especially questions with no solid answers gives you an entitlement to be happy? Dont... your misry stems from you wantin to be happy, perpare for dissapointment and you will be suprised. Stop chansing after your ex boyfreind like a psycho and move on and move up.
Also enjoy the rain!
Well thank you very much. I think it's fair to say that whoever you are you seem to have got your back up about my last post. I didn't ask for you to read it.... what's all that about people being deserted and having it shoved in their face? I'm sorry to say that I never shoved anything in anybody's face. Nor did I mean to offend anyone in any way. I was merely having a moan....it's my blog and I can moan if I like.
I know what real life is. I also know that there are some people who are really unlucky, really really unlucky, and they deserve so much better. What's wrong with asking questions with no answers? I know I should be looking at why I am asking these questions....I know why I am asking them. I am asking them because I am looking for some good in this world, when mostly all there seems to be is doom and gloom. Thinking is not time wasting. Thinking broadens your horizons and mind....being closed minded and not open to idea however bizarre or however far from your own view of life is wasting time. And I am doing too....I'm doing an awful lot, too much maybe, but I rest soundly knowing that ina years time I will be exactly where I want to be. One day I will be happy, and I will get there on my own...with my thoughts, through my tests. There's no harm in wanting something, there's no harm in getting something. The only thing there is harm in is hurting people unnecessarily en-route.
Oh, and he's not my ex-boyfriend. Just a good friend (I still believe him to be) who has withstood his test of time and hopefully is now doing very well for himself. I care about him a lot. I made a promise to him that I intend to keep, and I think he knows that. A psycho I most certainly am not. I don't need to move on, or move up, because I no longer wish to rely on anyone, or anything except my own mind!! While I may seem bitter, twisted and weird, I am not.....just slightly frustrated that my efforts and hard work as the moment seem to be getting me nowhere fast!!
GOOD NIGHT!!
4 July 2008
The Law of Sods
I've spent many days wondering what to say. I didn't want to go down the usual track of moaning about life's inconsistencies, but the more I think, the more they seem to appear to me as if by magic. It's as if I attract them. By means of the law of attraction perhaps I think too negatively of these inconstancies, and therefore they keep coming at me.
I'd like to point out right about now that I know I am not the only one suffering from life's inconsistencies, and I don't even think there is an answer for them. If there were a real answer, with all the mathematical equations and physics and geometry and cosmology thing to be solves, just like the guys who try to find infinity, the person setting themselves the challenge to work out what exactly goes on, with a view to getting it pin-point, would go insane.
My pet hate is the fact that what good people do is rarely recognised as such. And it seems that nobody ever gets what they deserve. Bad things happen to good people...it's written into Sod's Law. Good things happen to bad people. Again that's written into Sod's Law. And Sod's law is sent here to try us. To baffle us, to make us wonder. Why is it exactly that people don't notice what good people do, and yet as soon as someone does something bad suddenly people start to take notice. I know I live in a doom world. SOmething bad happens and hit hits the news like a tonne of bricks. But how often do you hear the good things that people do? Next to never.
Even Nelson Mandela, who I think is an amazing guy, well he went to prison for his efforts....crazy!! See what I mean?
Anyway, it is the law of the sod that rules me, and I will now waffle on about my last few months, weeks and days in an attempt to show this. If you think I have made a valid point and don't wish to hear my moans, then feel free to stop reading around about now.
I should feel amazing. I should. I deserve to feel amazing, but not to the law of the Sod.
Last month I gave up my time, and in a sense my lively hood for a few weeks to enable someone else to produce life. I gave away something that was mine, something that some do not have, and it's possibly one of the greatest gifts I think I could ever possibly give. You'd think that I'd have hd a slight reward for doing so? But no, in the weeks afterwards I felt more miserable than I'd ever felt. I did what only I know how to do best, and that was to throw myself back into work. The times I spend at work mean I don;t have to spend them alone, and bizarely I am happier when I am working, though I always long for a day off.
And you know what, it seems that the moment I brighten up a little bit, I am hit by some reality check. The idea of working 7 days a week is an idea that means that I would have some spare cash to myself to spend. I've not really been clothes shopping for a good two years, I actually have no shoes as they have been destroyed to myself, and I would love to be able to go out and buy a whole new wardrobe. Hence working so much, for the spending money. Oh but wait. I drive along one day and my tyre bursts....and so I have the palava of fixing that, and then a week or so later I take my car to the garage to get a new clutch. Mine had been going for quite some time, and I need a car when I start working properly. SO I took it in, gets it fixed, and how much was is.... £300 + a bit more. And then, two days later, there I am, happily driving along, with someone in the car behind me flashing me and pointing down....deep joy, what's wrong now? It's only my bloody exhaust all nice and wobbily....guess what I've got to fix that now too.
There was one really incredibly fab day at work. And when I say really i mean REALLY REALLY. It was possibally one of the best shifts I'd ever done, and I wanted nothing more than to share it with none other than the amazingness. It's been a while since we had two-way communication, but I really wanted to tell the amazingness all about my day. I could think of no-one better to tell than them. So I decided about half way home from work that I would go and see them. Afterall, I had conquered a huge fear that morning, and figured I could do another one. So I think YES, yes Ash. By time I got there I was a wreck. Every part of my body had turned to Jelly. I was sweating buckets, I was hot, I was cold, I was breathless. I was past butterflies and into nausea, but I still drove up to the house. There were no cars there, so I drove past and went home. It's not the first time I've gone that way, and felt like that. I tried a week or so earlier, while I was walking through the estate we live on, I decided I could stop by and say hello. I was particularly down, and just needed someone to chat to...well, a shoulder to cry on more like. As I got to their house all of the lights turned out, and I walked past. It's amazing when one person you really want in your life so much seems to have deserted you, and yet you feel that even if they hurt you so so much, you still want them there. I know I do, but that's a story for a rainy day.
Sunday will be my first proper day off for a while, and although I am going to do what I would have been doing if I was working, the weather is going to be miserable. Well that's just great. All I wanted was a nice picnic, some live local talent and some time to chill....I'm not letting the weather stop me though....I shall be unbeated by the law of the sod here.
Finally, supposedly you get what you give. And perhaps karma will get all those nasty people back in the end. Perhaps in their afterlife...but is it so much to ask for a chance to be happy? I look at people that seem happy enough, and wonder why with everything I;ve done for others I'm not that happy.....I know why. It's because all my grand plans in the making are ruined by the law of the sod. The cosmos doesn't seem to recognise my good deeds, and I take it to heart.
Why is that? Why can't everyone get what they deserve.....and that's to be happy.....real happy. If only I understood it with pin point precision.....
I'd like to point out right about now that I know I am not the only one suffering from life's inconsistencies, and I don't even think there is an answer for them. If there were a real answer, with all the mathematical equations and physics and geometry and cosmology thing to be solves, just like the guys who try to find infinity, the person setting themselves the challenge to work out what exactly goes on, with a view to getting it pin-point, would go insane.
My pet hate is the fact that what good people do is rarely recognised as such. And it seems that nobody ever gets what they deserve. Bad things happen to good people...it's written into Sod's Law. Good things happen to bad people. Again that's written into Sod's Law. And Sod's law is sent here to try us. To baffle us, to make us wonder. Why is it exactly that people don't notice what good people do, and yet as soon as someone does something bad suddenly people start to take notice. I know I live in a doom world. SOmething bad happens and hit hits the news like a tonne of bricks. But how often do you hear the good things that people do? Next to never.
Even Nelson Mandela, who I think is an amazing guy, well he went to prison for his efforts....crazy!! See what I mean?
Anyway, it is the law of the sod that rules me, and I will now waffle on about my last few months, weeks and days in an attempt to show this. If you think I have made a valid point and don't wish to hear my moans, then feel free to stop reading around about now.
I should feel amazing. I should. I deserve to feel amazing, but not to the law of the Sod.
Last month I gave up my time, and in a sense my lively hood for a few weeks to enable someone else to produce life. I gave away something that was mine, something that some do not have, and it's possibly one of the greatest gifts I think I could ever possibly give. You'd think that I'd have hd a slight reward for doing so? But no, in the weeks afterwards I felt more miserable than I'd ever felt. I did what only I know how to do best, and that was to throw myself back into work. The times I spend at work mean I don;t have to spend them alone, and bizarely I am happier when I am working, though I always long for a day off.
And you know what, it seems that the moment I brighten up a little bit, I am hit by some reality check. The idea of working 7 days a week is an idea that means that I would have some spare cash to myself to spend. I've not really been clothes shopping for a good two years, I actually have no shoes as they have been destroyed to myself, and I would love to be able to go out and buy a whole new wardrobe. Hence working so much, for the spending money. Oh but wait. I drive along one day and my tyre bursts....and so I have the palava of fixing that, and then a week or so later I take my car to the garage to get a new clutch. Mine had been going for quite some time, and I need a car when I start working properly. SO I took it in, gets it fixed, and how much was is.... £300 + a bit more. And then, two days later, there I am, happily driving along, with someone in the car behind me flashing me and pointing down....deep joy, what's wrong now? It's only my bloody exhaust all nice and wobbily....guess what I've got to fix that now too.
There was one really incredibly fab day at work. And when I say really i mean REALLY REALLY. It was possibally one of the best shifts I'd ever done, and I wanted nothing more than to share it with none other than the amazingness. It's been a while since we had two-way communication, but I really wanted to tell the amazingness all about my day. I could think of no-one better to tell than them. So I decided about half way home from work that I would go and see them. Afterall, I had conquered a huge fear that morning, and figured I could do another one. So I think YES, yes Ash. By time I got there I was a wreck. Every part of my body had turned to Jelly. I was sweating buckets, I was hot, I was cold, I was breathless. I was past butterflies and into nausea, but I still drove up to the house. There were no cars there, so I drove past and went home. It's not the first time I've gone that way, and felt like that. I tried a week or so earlier, while I was walking through the estate we live on, I decided I could stop by and say hello. I was particularly down, and just needed someone to chat to...well, a shoulder to cry on more like. As I got to their house all of the lights turned out, and I walked past. It's amazing when one person you really want in your life so much seems to have deserted you, and yet you feel that even if they hurt you so so much, you still want them there. I know I do, but that's a story for a rainy day.
Sunday will be my first proper day off for a while, and although I am going to do what I would have been doing if I was working, the weather is going to be miserable. Well that's just great. All I wanted was a nice picnic, some live local talent and some time to chill....I'm not letting the weather stop me though....I shall be unbeated by the law of the sod here.
Finally, supposedly you get what you give. And perhaps karma will get all those nasty people back in the end. Perhaps in their afterlife...but is it so much to ask for a chance to be happy? I look at people that seem happy enough, and wonder why with everything I;ve done for others I'm not that happy.....I know why. It's because all my grand plans in the making are ruined by the law of the sod. The cosmos doesn't seem to recognise my good deeds, and I take it to heart.
Why is that? Why can't everyone get what they deserve.....and that's to be happy.....real happy. If only I understood it with pin point precision.....
12 June 2008
Philosophical survey
Do humans carry souls?
I do believe that they do. The soul is the gateway to life.
What about animals?
They are alive are they not. They also have a soul. Every living thing has a soul.
Was September 11th a government conspiracy?
Well......I think there is a lot more to it than meets the eye. There does seem to be something rather fishy about it. And I wouldn't put it past them.
Do you believe a plane actually hit the pentagon?
NO, I've seen the hole, not big enough. Too many different eye witness stories and cover ups for a definite answer though.
Are the methods the U.S. is using to handle illegal immigration satisfactory?
I don't know enough about the the US immigration system to make a comment......but I have a feeling that they are probably not.
Do you think that John F. Kennedy's assassination was a government conspiracy?
God, yes. He was a good guy, it was the day when history stopped, and opened up the world of media coverage for a start. But that's not why it was done. He was not one of them, he was a doo gooder, and in the interests of the US this was not what was wanted......
Do you believe that the moon landing in 1969 actually happened?
I don't think it did. I've seen that programme, I saw it ages ago, it said we'd have to wait 10 years to find out the actual answer....I expect most people have forgotten, but it must be nearing 10 years by now.
Do you believe in ghosts?
Yes, I do. Well, spirits and things. There are a lot of unexplained phenomena of the mind body and soul, so it's something that certainly can't be ruled out!
Can subjection to violence in media lead to violence in the real world?
I think violence is something that an individual has control over.... just because the see someone else doing it doesn't mean they are going to use it. I think there are a lot of repressed people in the world, and it's unfortunate that for some this is the only only means they think they have to express themselves.
Did O.J. Simpson murder his wife?
Maybe, maybe not. I don't know the full story, who does?!
Do you believe going to war in Iraq was the right thing to do?
No way. It's an illegitimate, injust war in my opinion, and should never have begun. Why people can't sit and talk rationally to come to solutions on such matters I don't know.
Can we as people ever co-exist with each other peacefully?
We could, one day. I think it will happen eventually, but with so much inequality it's a long way off. I wait for the day when money is not an object, and people aren't out for personal gain. I guess it's up to each individual to realise that we are all one.
Do you believe the course of our lives are pre-determined by unseen/unknown forces?
I believe that there is something beyond our comprehension. I have no idea what it is or it it influences our lives. We choose options, but I don't know what course of events leads up to these options. I think we all have a start point and an end point, but how we get to these points, well everything happens for a reason in my books....so that something must have some influence.
Has democracy made the world a better place?
Nope. It serves the masses, and only the masses. It doesn't suit everyone, and I think it's sad that some of the worlds most beautiful have to miss out on things because of democracy.
Was the governments reaction to Hurricane Katrina acceptable?
It was far too slow, and not enough was done to help, but then that perhaps has something to do with the fact that they were part of a disposable population of people.
Are celebrities punished justly for crimes they commit?
No way. Not only do they get off lightly, they get media attention, which makes it worse. Those people in the public eye should be punished for what they have done in line with what ordinary people get. No more, no less. They are not special, they are just people.
Can we ever win the war on terror?
It's terrorism that was created by the invasion of people privacy, and until certain countries stop believe that they are better than everyone else, and know better, it will never stop. In fact I don't believe that there is a real war on terror....it's just fear mongering, and made up to justify doing something very wrong.
Are professional athletes over-compensated for their abilities?
While I am sure they train very hard to keep there bodies in peak physical condition, they are not special. They are just people that represent their country in a certain way. There are many people that have done good in the world, given up their own lives to save others, but we don't hear anything about them, do we?
Did the fabled people of Atlantis ever exist?
I do think there is some truth in the Atlantis story. But if it's a metaphorical place or a physically real place I don't know. Maybe it's a place that everyone has certain access to. I've never been there or seen it, so I'm not in a position to comment. However I would like to think that if it's not been around before, it's where we are headed.
Are there other intelligent beings in the universe?
It's very nieve to think that with the universe being as huge as it is that we are the only intelligent beings. There has to be something else out there somewhere. But they may be too far away for us to ever find out. Perhaps there is someone millions of light years away doing exactly the same as I or you are right now.
Should the 1st Amendment protect all forms of expression, including those that may be offensive or harmful to others?
Yes, everyone should have the right to freedom of expression. It's inevitable that somebody will always be offended by something, it's up to the person on the receiving thing how they want to perceive what has been said, and their reactions are their own. Think, feel and say what you want.
Is it better for one innocent man to be sent to death or 5 murderers to be pardoned?
I don't believe that any innocent person should be sent to their death. It's a very difficult question to answer though. But both happen way too often. Evidence can be manipulated to frame people, and in some ways I think the system used to identify those innocent and those guilty are wrong. But who's to say I am right. But I stick with the idea that no innocent man should loose their life, for any reason.
In the case of homosexuality, do you believe it's sin?
It's only a sin in the mind of the beholder. I personally can't see anything wrong with it. Surely a world filled with love and homosexuality is better than a world filled with hatred and heterosexuality. It's up to the individuals involved at the end of the day. People should be prejudiced against for what they do. You don't have a go at someone because they love art, and you love sport. So why have a go if they like people of the same sex when you like people of the opposite sex? The only sin here is trying to repress people in the name of religion.
Can the human race ever help the planet Earth to recover from the ecological damage it has suffered?
The human race don't need to help planet Earth. The only reason they would need to help planet Earth is to save their own skins. Nature is very clever, and works in weird and wonderful ways.....watch this space. You'll see.
Will race/ethnicity always be an issue amongst differing peoples?
It will for a while. Because of media you see. Media fuels hatred into people. Until people stop reading and listening to complete nonsense and start making their own minds up about people, whatever their race or ethnicity it will be an issue. This is mostly down to double standards in all walks of life.
Are you for or against abortion?
Personally, except for exceptional circumstances, I am against it. Too many people see it as a method of contraception these days, and it's unjust. If someone has been raped or abused and become pregnant as a result then I don't have a problem with it. However, if someone has got drunk, had sex on a whim and ended up pregnant, then they should deal with the consequences. If you are "grown-up" enough to have sex, then you are grown-up enough to raise your child.
Are you for or against capital punishment (i.ethe death penalty)?
It's a very difficult thing to make an opinion about, and my mind about such things changes all the time. Many innocent people have been trialed and sent to death due to a lack of, or manipulation of evidence. And as getting the correct person can never really be guaranteed, even with today's tools, and tests, I don't think it's right. If someone really has done something terrible, I have no problem with sending them into prison to remain until they breathe their last breath. Even putting them in solitary confinement.....but the death penalty I think is a bit extreme.
Do you practice any form of religion? Why?
No. I follow my own mind. I do not need a book based on thousand year old practices to tell me what I can and can't do in my life. While I am interested in the inner workings of religions and respect that people find comfort in such things, I don't think it's really for me.
Do you believe that the writings in the bible can still apply to today's world?
Yes and no. They are based on thousand year old practices and really need to adjust to the times. Society and people have changed. It should be up to the person to interpret the instructions and do such things though....there are parts of these books that should be rewritten, and someone also needs to tell those religious people that the contents should be read metaphorically, and not to take everything they read so literally!
Has religion made the world a better or worse place?
Neither. I don't think religion can be blamed for what's going on in the world. So we are told all these wars are done in the name of religion, but what religion teaches people to hate others so much? They don't teach people to do bad. And people need to be taught to respect other people's beliefs.
I do believe that they do. The soul is the gateway to life.
What about animals?
They are alive are they not. They also have a soul. Every living thing has a soul.
Was September 11th a government conspiracy?
Well......I think there is a lot more to it than meets the eye. There does seem to be something rather fishy about it. And I wouldn't put it past them.
Do you believe a plane actually hit the pentagon?
NO, I've seen the hole, not big enough. Too many different eye witness stories and cover ups for a definite answer though.
Are the methods the U.S. is using to handle illegal immigration satisfactory?
I don't know enough about the the US immigration system to make a comment......but I have a feeling that they are probably not.
Do you think that John F. Kennedy's assassination was a government conspiracy?
God, yes. He was a good guy, it was the day when history stopped, and opened up the world of media coverage for a start. But that's not why it was done. He was not one of them, he was a doo gooder, and in the interests of the US this was not what was wanted......
Do you believe that the moon landing in 1969 actually happened?
I don't think it did. I've seen that programme, I saw it ages ago, it said we'd have to wait 10 years to find out the actual answer....I expect most people have forgotten, but it must be nearing 10 years by now.
Do you believe in ghosts?
Yes, I do. Well, spirits and things. There are a lot of unexplained phenomena of the mind body and soul, so it's something that certainly can't be ruled out!
Can subjection to violence in media lead to violence in the real world?
I think violence is something that an individual has control over.... just because the see someone else doing it doesn't mean they are going to use it. I think there are a lot of repressed people in the world, and it's unfortunate that for some this is the only only means they think they have to express themselves.
Did O.J. Simpson murder his wife?
Maybe, maybe not. I don't know the full story, who does?!
Do you believe going to war in Iraq was the right thing to do?
No way. It's an illegitimate, injust war in my opinion, and should never have begun. Why people can't sit and talk rationally to come to solutions on such matters I don't know.
Can we as people ever co-exist with each other peacefully?
We could, one day. I think it will happen eventually, but with so much inequality it's a long way off. I wait for the day when money is not an object, and people aren't out for personal gain. I guess it's up to each individual to realise that we are all one.
Do you believe the course of our lives are pre-determined by unseen/unknown forces?
I believe that there is something beyond our comprehension. I have no idea what it is or it it influences our lives. We choose options, but I don't know what course of events leads up to these options. I think we all have a start point and an end point, but how we get to these points, well everything happens for a reason in my books....so that something must have some influence.
Has democracy made the world a better place?
Nope. It serves the masses, and only the masses. It doesn't suit everyone, and I think it's sad that some of the worlds most beautiful have to miss out on things because of democracy.
Was the governments reaction to Hurricane Katrina acceptable?
It was far too slow, and not enough was done to help, but then that perhaps has something to do with the fact that they were part of a disposable population of people.
Are celebrities punished justly for crimes they commit?
No way. Not only do they get off lightly, they get media attention, which makes it worse. Those people in the public eye should be punished for what they have done in line with what ordinary people get. No more, no less. They are not special, they are just people.
Can we ever win the war on terror?
It's terrorism that was created by the invasion of people privacy, and until certain countries stop believe that they are better than everyone else, and know better, it will never stop. In fact I don't believe that there is a real war on terror....it's just fear mongering, and made up to justify doing something very wrong.
Are professional athletes over-compensated for their abilities?
While I am sure they train very hard to keep there bodies in peak physical condition, they are not special. They are just people that represent their country in a certain way. There are many people that have done good in the world, given up their own lives to save others, but we don't hear anything about them, do we?
Did the fabled people of Atlantis ever exist?
I do think there is some truth in the Atlantis story. But if it's a metaphorical place or a physically real place I don't know. Maybe it's a place that everyone has certain access to. I've never been there or seen it, so I'm not in a position to comment. However I would like to think that if it's not been around before, it's where we are headed.
Are there other intelligent beings in the universe?
It's very nieve to think that with the universe being as huge as it is that we are the only intelligent beings. There has to be something else out there somewhere. But they may be too far away for us to ever find out. Perhaps there is someone millions of light years away doing exactly the same as I or you are right now.
Should the 1st Amendment protect all forms of expression, including those that may be offensive or harmful to others?
Yes, everyone should have the right to freedom of expression. It's inevitable that somebody will always be offended by something, it's up to the person on the receiving thing how they want to perceive what has been said, and their reactions are their own. Think, feel and say what you want.
Is it better for one innocent man to be sent to death or 5 murderers to be pardoned?
I don't believe that any innocent person should be sent to their death. It's a very difficult question to answer though. But both happen way too often. Evidence can be manipulated to frame people, and in some ways I think the system used to identify those innocent and those guilty are wrong. But who's to say I am right. But I stick with the idea that no innocent man should loose their life, for any reason.
In the case of homosexuality, do you believe it's sin?
It's only a sin in the mind of the beholder. I personally can't see anything wrong with it. Surely a world filled with love and homosexuality is better than a world filled with hatred and heterosexuality. It's up to the individuals involved at the end of the day. People should be prejudiced against for what they do. You don't have a go at someone because they love art, and you love sport. So why have a go if they like people of the same sex when you like people of the opposite sex? The only sin here is trying to repress people in the name of religion.
Can the human race ever help the planet Earth to recover from the ecological damage it has suffered?
The human race don't need to help planet Earth. The only reason they would need to help planet Earth is to save their own skins. Nature is very clever, and works in weird and wonderful ways.....watch this space. You'll see.
Will race/ethnicity always be an issue amongst differing peoples?
It will for a while. Because of media you see. Media fuels hatred into people. Until people stop reading and listening to complete nonsense and start making their own minds up about people, whatever their race or ethnicity it will be an issue. This is mostly down to double standards in all walks of life.
Are you for or against abortion?
Personally, except for exceptional circumstances, I am against it. Too many people see it as a method of contraception these days, and it's unjust. If someone has been raped or abused and become pregnant as a result then I don't have a problem with it. However, if someone has got drunk, had sex on a whim and ended up pregnant, then they should deal with the consequences. If you are "grown-up" enough to have sex, then you are grown-up enough to raise your child.
Are you for or against capital punishment (i.ethe death penalty)?
It's a very difficult thing to make an opinion about, and my mind about such things changes all the time. Many innocent people have been trialed and sent to death due to a lack of, or manipulation of evidence. And as getting the correct person can never really be guaranteed, even with today's tools, and tests, I don't think it's right. If someone really has done something terrible, I have no problem with sending them into prison to remain until they breathe their last breath. Even putting them in solitary confinement.....but the death penalty I think is a bit extreme.
Do you practice any form of religion? Why?
No. I follow my own mind. I do not need a book based on thousand year old practices to tell me what I can and can't do in my life. While I am interested in the inner workings of religions and respect that people find comfort in such things, I don't think it's really for me.
Do you believe that the writings in the bible can still apply to today's world?
Yes and no. They are based on thousand year old practices and really need to adjust to the times. Society and people have changed. It should be up to the person to interpret the instructions and do such things though....there are parts of these books that should be rewritten, and someone also needs to tell those religious people that the contents should be read metaphorically, and not to take everything they read so literally!
Has religion made the world a better or worse place?
Neither. I don't think religion can be blamed for what's going on in the world. So we are told all these wars are done in the name of religion, but what religion teaches people to hate others so much? They don't teach people to do bad. And people need to be taught to respect other people's beliefs.
11 June 2008
It's about time...
We all sat down and took a good look at ourselves.
What I mean by this is, nobody really knows what they are really interested in. If they do really know what they are interested in, do they know why they are interested in it? I put it to you that if you think you are interested but have no answer to the question why, then you are actually not that interested. Does that sound a bit odd? It's just my opinion, but I hope you can see my point.
The point is, that nobody knows anything about anyone anymore....nobody shows an interest as the amazingness told me. Even if someone does show and interest, they might not actually be interested at all. No-one can know anything about anyone, because the vast majority of people don't know anything about themselves. If you know nothing about yourself then how can you share yourself with someone?
When people are lost they tend to suddenly delve straight into their "interest" as a form of escape, and can get so entangled in their interest that nothing else matters. A piece of information, a hobby, a person...anything. We all get lost from time to time and while we are concentrating on something other than becoming found, we think we are found. The reality comes about when eventually the question why pops up. The question why that doesn't have an answer. It cannot be "just because". We can do anything and everything "just because", but "just because" is so weak it's uncanny. Have you ever thought what it is about your interest that has made you interested in it. Why it has such a strong hold of you? Why you can think of nothing else but that interest. Why you can happily obsess over that interest for hours?
I don't think I have a real interest. There are things that every so often burn a flame inside me, and let me shine my ever fade light once again. In fact those things there I obsess over...even if they are bad for me....
I've actually now lost track of what I was going to say, so I'll give up for now....I'm easing myself into this blogging lark. Today I suddenly picked up the will to type....
What I mean by this is, nobody really knows what they are really interested in. If they do really know what they are interested in, do they know why they are interested in it? I put it to you that if you think you are interested but have no answer to the question why, then you are actually not that interested. Does that sound a bit odd? It's just my opinion, but I hope you can see my point.
The point is, that nobody knows anything about anyone anymore....nobody shows an interest as the amazingness told me. Even if someone does show and interest, they might not actually be interested at all. No-one can know anything about anyone, because the vast majority of people don't know anything about themselves. If you know nothing about yourself then how can you share yourself with someone?
When people are lost they tend to suddenly delve straight into their "interest" as a form of escape, and can get so entangled in their interest that nothing else matters. A piece of information, a hobby, a person...anything. We all get lost from time to time and while we are concentrating on something other than becoming found, we think we are found. The reality comes about when eventually the question why pops up. The question why that doesn't have an answer. It cannot be "just because". We can do anything and everything "just because", but "just because" is so weak it's uncanny. Have you ever thought what it is about your interest that has made you interested in it. Why it has such a strong hold of you? Why you can think of nothing else but that interest. Why you can happily obsess over that interest for hours?
I don't think I have a real interest. There are things that every so often burn a flame inside me, and let me shine my ever fade light once again. In fact those things there I obsess over...even if they are bad for me....
I've actually now lost track of what I was going to say, so I'll give up for now....I'm easing myself into this blogging lark. Today I suddenly picked up the will to type....
7 June 2008
6 months down
Ever get that feeling that six months of the year have passed and you've done nothing with them. 6 whole months and nothing, so by the end of the year the chances are nothing will have happened, and that's another year of your life wasted...so why bother in the first place? Why not just curl and die, not something you do every day is it.....well technically it is.
25 May 2008
Stop leaving
It's safe to say that history repeats. I don't need to evidence that. It's always around, always about, always blatantly obvious. Some people don't notice it, but some do.
I do notice a few things. This means me being wrapped up in my head for a little while, but people keep leaving.
Ive had a string of good friends. In fact in terms of being homeward bound, it's only the people that have left that ever were good friends, barr the odd one or two. Being homeward bound makes me happy. I like being in Thetford. I like being at home. I don't understand why. I don't exactly get along that well with my parents, though I love them I suppose. In fact sometimes I'm not sure that I do. But shhhhhh. I much prefer my little brother and my nan if I am honest.
Anyway, I do feel like I am being left behind. Except one or two....no, really just one, everyone else has left. My best friend from school got married and left the country. My adopted big brothers, who for a while I spent every spare momemnt I had with, well all three of them left....not in one go.....but none of them are close by. There was a guy who fled the country. There was a boyfriend who simply dissapeared, supposedly out of the country, but a few months after they supposedly left the country they actually did, and then I found out. And then there was the greatest person I've ever known....and guess what, they fled the town and moved far away.
Okay, so thats where I wallow in it. I often wonder if perhaps there is something that wrong with me that people need to go so far away to get away from me. I know that's a bit extreme, but it has crossed my mind before. I also know that thinking that way is wrong. The time for pastures new comes up in everyones life, and undoubtedly for some, moving away and making a fresh start somewhere is what happens. And while I am genuinely happy for all those friends that have come and gone, and who I've seen change an come along in leaps and bounds, I can't help but feel that I am going to get left behind.
This is slightly hypocritical though. I for one have no intention of being here, or even in this country in two years time. With all my hopes and dreams of which really is only to travel, I don't suppose when the time comes it will matter. It wont matter who has come and gone all tht will matter is that I am off. Living my own dream.
I often find myself thinking about the friends that have walked away. I sometimes winder what they are doing, and of course, as is only natural, what would be happening if they were still here now. It takes a while, but you do eventually realise that your only one true friend is your own mind. Lets hope that doesn't decide to take of sometime soon too - haha
I do notice a few things. This means me being wrapped up in my head for a little while, but people keep leaving.
Ive had a string of good friends. In fact in terms of being homeward bound, it's only the people that have left that ever were good friends, barr the odd one or two. Being homeward bound makes me happy. I like being in Thetford. I like being at home. I don't understand why. I don't exactly get along that well with my parents, though I love them I suppose. In fact sometimes I'm not sure that I do. But shhhhhh. I much prefer my little brother and my nan if I am honest.
Anyway, I do feel like I am being left behind. Except one or two....no, really just one, everyone else has left. My best friend from school got married and left the country. My adopted big brothers, who for a while I spent every spare momemnt I had with, well all three of them left....not in one go.....but none of them are close by. There was a guy who fled the country. There was a boyfriend who simply dissapeared, supposedly out of the country, but a few months after they supposedly left the country they actually did, and then I found out. And then there was the greatest person I've ever known....and guess what, they fled the town and moved far away.
Okay, so thats where I wallow in it. I often wonder if perhaps there is something that wrong with me that people need to go so far away to get away from me. I know that's a bit extreme, but it has crossed my mind before. I also know that thinking that way is wrong. The time for pastures new comes up in everyones life, and undoubtedly for some, moving away and making a fresh start somewhere is what happens. And while I am genuinely happy for all those friends that have come and gone, and who I've seen change an come along in leaps and bounds, I can't help but feel that I am going to get left behind.
This is slightly hypocritical though. I for one have no intention of being here, or even in this country in two years time. With all my hopes and dreams of which really is only to travel, I don't suppose when the time comes it will matter. It wont matter who has come and gone all tht will matter is that I am off. Living my own dream.
I often find myself thinking about the friends that have walked away. I sometimes winder what they are doing, and of course, as is only natural, what would be happening if they were still here now. It takes a while, but you do eventually realise that your only one true friend is your own mind. Lets hope that doesn't decide to take of sometime soon too - haha
13 May 2008
The Lighting of a Candle
I was in London yesterday, and had a peek inside St Mary's Church. It's a pretty little church next to Westminster Abbey, and both my nan and myself lit a candle each.
I lit mine in the hope that it would bring light into a certain persons life after what seems like a long string of bad times. May that little light burn inside them, and fill them with good times, happiness, joy, laughter, and the nice and good things that this small world has to offer at present.
I suppose it's the thought that counts.
I lit mine in the hope that it would bring light into a certain persons life after what seems like a long string of bad times. May that little light burn inside them, and fill them with good times, happiness, joy, laughter, and the nice and good things that this small world has to offer at present.
I suppose it's the thought that counts.
7 May 2008
Nostradamus videos
Sorry, unlike the last few there isn't a video for the whole thing, so I have posted in parts....in the right order too
Part 8 is missing because I can't find it. I think that's the part where they start looking towards the end of the world, but you wont miss out on too much by not seeing it just keep looking out for it on The Histiry Channel because I am sure it will be on again.
Part 8 is missing because I can't find it. I think that's the part where they start looking towards the end of the world, but you wont miss out on too much by not seeing it just keep looking out for it on The Histiry Channel because I am sure it will be on again.
The Lost Book Of Nostradamus
You know how every now and then you watch a documentary and sort of wish you hadn't. Well I recorded The Lost Book Of Nostradamus quite some time ago, and had a spare hour & half today, so thought I'd watch it.
I found it absolutely fascinating, but at the same time it sent shivers down my spine. As I watched the video I felt like it was talking to me, and like I was being watching. Every unexpected sound in the house made me jump, but I was compelled to continue watching.
I was thinking as I watched this about the Law of Attraction. So generally they say that you can attract anything to you, if you ask for it, and believe that you have it already. If this is the case then it will come. Generally it only seems to have an effect on the person, or on another person if it results in a positive happening for the person asking. Negative thought though is much more powerful than the positive. Negative things keep coming, until a person can change themselves to bring on power within for the better.
This lost book of Nostradamus contained images. These made me think about those sigils things that the Grant Morrison guy mentioned in the video I watch with the amazingness some time ago. Magik things. Not watched it since I watched it with the amazingness, but it suddenly popped to mind while watching the documentary.
Well here's the video for that if anyone is interested....
Anyway, I was thinking about such things. And they both sort of do the same thing, so can they work together simultaneously? The lost book is full of pictures and paintings that prophecies the future. Although nobody actually knows who the illustrator is, and that it actually is to do with Nostradamus himself, his name is mentioned in the book, and these paintings seem to relate to the manuscript Les Propheties.
Of course, with the popularity of the Law of Attraction, and magik as it is today it gets you thinking. If a person has written to prophecise the end of the world, and drawn pictures to show that the end of the world is going to happen, then could the power contained within those pictures, writings and the individual be enough for it to come true?
Apparently after the 9/11 attack the most popular search term on the web was Nostradamus. The symbolism attached to the drawing in the lost book, like many things before and since, point to 2012 to be the year of the apocalypse. And as more people become interested in the events that are leading up to 2012, and the awareness of 2012 picks up, could this mean that people are actually attracting it.
Could people be the ones that are bringing the apocalypse for having believed in the apocalypse.
I'll post the Lost Book of Nostradamus videos in a separate blog post. but if you listen to it, it does bring out a somewhat convincing argument of the 2012 apocalyptic end...or indeed beginning. But then, have they come about 2012 as the date because so many people before hand have, particularly the Mayans. 2012 has been thrown about for an age now. Most people are aware of it. The Mayan calendar ends here, but is it possible that it could start going backwards with a whole new world of enlightened beings. The apocalypse doesn't necessarily mean that suddenly we are all going to drop off the planet. It could be the beginning of some very exciting times ahead. Just maybe.
I think I am getting away from the point of my post. But could Nostradamus have used his words, and these paintings that came from his words to create these things......rather than them just happening.
According to Nostradamus the world will end in 3797, hence why 2012 could be a leap forward in the development of humankind, as apposed to death and destruction. Perhaps the speed at which climatic events, natural disasters and war are spreading at the moment....well could be a big wake up call, but not in the typical sense. Perhaps it serves not as a warning, but as an awakening. And yes, they might be the same thing near enough, but they do have key differences. A warning is just that. A warning. You don;t have to take notice, though you probably should. An awakening, wakes you up to what is going on.
It's a little like tat thing that the amazingness used to tell me, and that's that you have to suffer to find who you are. Not his exact words, I might add, but that was the general gist of it. So perhaps all this is happening to lead up to 2012 to awaken all of us. Whether this will be a good or a bad thing I don't know.......
Anyway, that was my though, If enough people believe that they are going to die in some big catastrophic event, then they will.......
I found it absolutely fascinating, but at the same time it sent shivers down my spine. As I watched the video I felt like it was talking to me, and like I was being watching. Every unexpected sound in the house made me jump, but I was compelled to continue watching.
I was thinking as I watched this about the Law of Attraction. So generally they say that you can attract anything to you, if you ask for it, and believe that you have it already. If this is the case then it will come. Generally it only seems to have an effect on the person, or on another person if it results in a positive happening for the person asking. Negative thought though is much more powerful than the positive. Negative things keep coming, until a person can change themselves to bring on power within for the better.
This lost book of Nostradamus contained images. These made me think about those sigils things that the Grant Morrison guy mentioned in the video I watch with the amazingness some time ago. Magik things. Not watched it since I watched it with the amazingness, but it suddenly popped to mind while watching the documentary.
Well here's the video for that if anyone is interested....
Anyway, I was thinking about such things. And they both sort of do the same thing, so can they work together simultaneously? The lost book is full of pictures and paintings that prophecies the future. Although nobody actually knows who the illustrator is, and that it actually is to do with Nostradamus himself, his name is mentioned in the book, and these paintings seem to relate to the manuscript Les Propheties.
Of course, with the popularity of the Law of Attraction, and magik as it is today it gets you thinking. If a person has written to prophecise the end of the world, and drawn pictures to show that the end of the world is going to happen, then could the power contained within those pictures, writings and the individual be enough for it to come true?
Apparently after the 9/11 attack the most popular search term on the web was Nostradamus. The symbolism attached to the drawing in the lost book, like many things before and since, point to 2012 to be the year of the apocalypse. And as more people become interested in the events that are leading up to 2012, and the awareness of 2012 picks up, could this mean that people are actually attracting it.
Could people be the ones that are bringing the apocalypse for having believed in the apocalypse.
I'll post the Lost Book of Nostradamus videos in a separate blog post. but if you listen to it, it does bring out a somewhat convincing argument of the 2012 apocalyptic end...or indeed beginning. But then, have they come about 2012 as the date because so many people before hand have, particularly the Mayans. 2012 has been thrown about for an age now. Most people are aware of it. The Mayan calendar ends here, but is it possible that it could start going backwards with a whole new world of enlightened beings. The apocalypse doesn't necessarily mean that suddenly we are all going to drop off the planet. It could be the beginning of some very exciting times ahead. Just maybe.
I think I am getting away from the point of my post. But could Nostradamus have used his words, and these paintings that came from his words to create these things......rather than them just happening.
According to Nostradamus the world will end in 3797, hence why 2012 could be a leap forward in the development of humankind, as apposed to death and destruction. Perhaps the speed at which climatic events, natural disasters and war are spreading at the moment....well could be a big wake up call, but not in the typical sense. Perhaps it serves not as a warning, but as an awakening. And yes, they might be the same thing near enough, but they do have key differences. A warning is just that. A warning. You don;t have to take notice, though you probably should. An awakening, wakes you up to what is going on.
It's a little like tat thing that the amazingness used to tell me, and that's that you have to suffer to find who you are. Not his exact words, I might add, but that was the general gist of it. So perhaps all this is happening to lead up to 2012 to awaken all of us. Whether this will be a good or a bad thing I don't know.......
Anyway, that was my though, If enough people believe that they are going to die in some big catastrophic event, then they will.......
5 May 2008
Humm....I wonder......
I was walking the dogs with my nan today. We were chatting about various bits and things and rubbish, and then suddenly, from out of nowhere she asked me this question:
Ashley, are you lonely?
She's always asking me odd questions. I put it down to me not being your typical 22 year old. I don't go out. I don't really speak to anyone that much. I dote on one person that I don't really even have contact with anymore. I guess it isn't normal is it?!
AM I lonely? Well I replied, I am to the extent that I don't really have any friends nearby, but I am alright on my own. But I do wonder if I do. I was just watching a programme. In this programme someone said somethign about changing dramatically when you have lots someone to ease this loss. I've not really lost anyone. I lost my gt nan, and I miss her terribly, but this can't have changed me as a person. And then I was thinking....do you have to loose someone on a physical level (i.e. they die) for this to happen. Have the events of the last year or so had more of an effect on me than I think. Right from the first time I had thought I lost that special person. Over and over I felt that they were gone. Gone for good. It was the easiest thing to think. I used to laugh it off, and say to people that everything would be okay in a few days. I'm not sure that I ever believed it. And then there is now. And I sit in my room munching on chocolate because I am a typical girl. Something goes wrong and we eat chocolate to compensate. It works.....well until the bar is finished with.
I'd never needed anyone before. Unlike the majority, I never had a need to belong somewhere. I hadn't ever felt what it was like to feel that I really truly belonged. And then suddenly I did. I did. I felt that I belonged almost instantly. And then I knew what it was like. And while I still believe that I am okay, and will cope just fine and dandy on my own...I want that back. I want to belong to them again. So very very much.
I am not usre whether or not I am loosing a grip on myself. I've wrote recently about my identity crisis. And I know that everyone has them from time to time. I know the chances are that with everything that's happened I am most likely to remember the bad bits, because they have greatest impact. Remembering the bad stuff it seems should make something easier to forget. To cover up. To replace with another experience. Why does our mind do that? Rather than working through things, it simply just replaces experiences. It never forgets them. And then when something similar comes along, it brings forth all of these things out of the filing cabinet. Why doesn't it forget. And why can ones head not be filled with nice stuff. If I really try hard I can remember everything nice that's ever happened....but it does take almighty effort. Anyway...the thing being is that the bad stuff that has happened over the last year or so is rather easy to forget. I put it down to the both of us not being in good places on the inside. With two people not feeling right, things don't work. I always had an excuse for the both of us when things didn't work. therefore I only remember the good part, the connections, the immense evenings, and the times when I walked away blissfully happy, like nothing I'd ever felt before.
And then it was gone. Removed from me. And it hurt, it really hurt. I still brush it off.
I tell you a secret. I've never belonged, because I've never opened up. I've never let my guard down. Even now, when you read and think you know how I am feeling, I am not telling the whole story. I never do. I know that people know me as Ashley, go get em'. I'm this lively, wacky lady that always smiles.
I don't know what I am getting at. I guess I am lonely at this very moment in time. Though not helping myself as I choose to sit alone. I choose to do everything alone. I even want to travel on my own. Live on my own etc etc. I am a lone ranger. I always have been. But never before have I had a real feeling that perhaps I am lonley. Perhaps after having belonged for so long....I want to continue belonging.
I know that given the chance...well I could have shown my good side. My lively side and my softy side. I was almost willing to let my guard down and tell things that I never told. And that now I never will.
I am lonely. I am always lonely. I am a lone ranger. I am in solitary confinement, alone in a world I created on my own. It's my world. It's my version of life. It's my mind and imagination that's putting it there. I made it all up. I've got to deal with the consequences. So if I am unhealthy let it be so...I can cope with it this way. I don't think I can cope with letting another in again...so I wont!
Ashley, the good, the bad, the lone ranger!
Ashley, are you lonely?
She's always asking me odd questions. I put it down to me not being your typical 22 year old. I don't go out. I don't really speak to anyone that much. I dote on one person that I don't really even have contact with anymore. I guess it isn't normal is it?!
AM I lonely? Well I replied, I am to the extent that I don't really have any friends nearby, but I am alright on my own. But I do wonder if I do. I was just watching a programme. In this programme someone said somethign about changing dramatically when you have lots someone to ease this loss. I've not really lost anyone. I lost my gt nan, and I miss her terribly, but this can't have changed me as a person. And then I was thinking....do you have to loose someone on a physical level (i.e. they die) for this to happen. Have the events of the last year or so had more of an effect on me than I think. Right from the first time I had thought I lost that special person. Over and over I felt that they were gone. Gone for good. It was the easiest thing to think. I used to laugh it off, and say to people that everything would be okay in a few days. I'm not sure that I ever believed it. And then there is now. And I sit in my room munching on chocolate because I am a typical girl. Something goes wrong and we eat chocolate to compensate. It works.....well until the bar is finished with.
I'd never needed anyone before. Unlike the majority, I never had a need to belong somewhere. I hadn't ever felt what it was like to feel that I really truly belonged. And then suddenly I did. I did. I felt that I belonged almost instantly. And then I knew what it was like. And while I still believe that I am okay, and will cope just fine and dandy on my own...I want that back. I want to belong to them again. So very very much.
I am not usre whether or not I am loosing a grip on myself. I've wrote recently about my identity crisis. And I know that everyone has them from time to time. I know the chances are that with everything that's happened I am most likely to remember the bad bits, because they have greatest impact. Remembering the bad stuff it seems should make something easier to forget. To cover up. To replace with another experience. Why does our mind do that? Rather than working through things, it simply just replaces experiences. It never forgets them. And then when something similar comes along, it brings forth all of these things out of the filing cabinet. Why doesn't it forget. And why can ones head not be filled with nice stuff. If I really try hard I can remember everything nice that's ever happened....but it does take almighty effort. Anyway...the thing being is that the bad stuff that has happened over the last year or so is rather easy to forget. I put it down to the both of us not being in good places on the inside. With two people not feeling right, things don't work. I always had an excuse for the both of us when things didn't work. therefore I only remember the good part, the connections, the immense evenings, and the times when I walked away blissfully happy, like nothing I'd ever felt before.
And then it was gone. Removed from me. And it hurt, it really hurt. I still brush it off.
I tell you a secret. I've never belonged, because I've never opened up. I've never let my guard down. Even now, when you read and think you know how I am feeling, I am not telling the whole story. I never do. I know that people know me as Ashley, go get em'. I'm this lively, wacky lady that always smiles.
I don't know what I am getting at. I guess I am lonely at this very moment in time. Though not helping myself as I choose to sit alone. I choose to do everything alone. I even want to travel on my own. Live on my own etc etc. I am a lone ranger. I always have been. But never before have I had a real feeling that perhaps I am lonley. Perhaps after having belonged for so long....I want to continue belonging.
I know that given the chance...well I could have shown my good side. My lively side and my softy side. I was almost willing to let my guard down and tell things that I never told. And that now I never will.
I am lonely. I am always lonely. I am a lone ranger. I am in solitary confinement, alone in a world I created on my own. It's my world. It's my version of life. It's my mind and imagination that's putting it there. I made it all up. I've got to deal with the consequences. So if I am unhealthy let it be so...I can cope with it this way. I don't think I can cope with letting another in again...so I wont!
Ashley, the good, the bad, the lone ranger!
3 May 2008
Norms and values = morality?
Just because something fits in with a cultures norms and values [think sociology] it doesn't make it moral [think philosophy].
I am going to use the old killing chestnut to demonstrate this. Is it okay to kill? Some people would say yes it is. Thinking of perhaps animals, murderers, euthanasia, war. Other people would say no. Thinking of innocent people, animals, murderers, euthanasia, war. It's generally innocent people that seem to be killed in an immoral way. Innocent people that have no need to be dead, because they've done nothing wrong.
In some places this is a common everyday occurance, and in those places perhaps it's not as much of a taboo subject as it is in our Western Culture. The Samurai for example used to take their own lives becuase they were ashamed of something they had done. And it was done rather regularly everywhere. I think they stabbed themselves while someone else chopped off their heads or something like that. Thus it was okay to kill.
Suicide rates are on the increase and that says something doesn't it. Perhaps more people are seeing things, and yet they know, or feel, that they have no control and have no other option. I think those who commit suicide are a little on the selfish side. I think they are only thinking of themselves. I don't feel that they think about the impact that it has on their friends and family. And it does. I feel sorry for them in the sense that thy felt they had no other choice.
War is one of those funny arguments, that wont ever really be solved. War is a beast. Those who fight in the war, do they deserve to be killed? To the enemy, they are the enemy, they are shooting at them, they will shoot back. If they get killed, then it' s not immoral. However those that are fighting have been told that they have to. Do they want to? Do they feel it's right? You could say that that is what they joined the forces for. Many join the forces because it's an easy route into some sort of career. It shows that you have many qualities, making a job as a civilian slightly easier to find. Innocent people get killed in wars too. It's not just those who fight is it. And what is the reason for fighting? What does it solve?
Murderes do it. Murder I feel is immoral. but some murderers wont see it that way. Perhaps they believed something, and saw something that we don't. What gave them this idea to kill in the first place. Self-defense is okay I guess, but you'd have to have put a lot of force into your self defense to kill. Says you are capable of it.
There's euthanasia too. Is it moral or immoral to help someone end their life. If they are suffering from a terminal illness, is it so bad. There are places around the world you can't do it. Places that you can. It's a bit of a taboo. It seems that it's okay to put animals out of suffering but not humans....and why is that?
Anyway...there are all kinds of things that happen, that whether they are normal or not, or valued or not....well some are, and some are not moral.
What is moral to you?
I am going to use the old killing chestnut to demonstrate this. Is it okay to kill? Some people would say yes it is. Thinking of perhaps animals, murderers, euthanasia, war. Other people would say no. Thinking of innocent people, animals, murderers, euthanasia, war. It's generally innocent people that seem to be killed in an immoral way. Innocent people that have no need to be dead, because they've done nothing wrong.
In some places this is a common everyday occurance, and in those places perhaps it's not as much of a taboo subject as it is in our Western Culture. The Samurai for example used to take their own lives becuase they were ashamed of something they had done. And it was done rather regularly everywhere. I think they stabbed themselves while someone else chopped off their heads or something like that. Thus it was okay to kill.
Suicide rates are on the increase and that says something doesn't it. Perhaps more people are seeing things, and yet they know, or feel, that they have no control and have no other option. I think those who commit suicide are a little on the selfish side. I think they are only thinking of themselves. I don't feel that they think about the impact that it has on their friends and family. And it does. I feel sorry for them in the sense that thy felt they had no other choice.
War is one of those funny arguments, that wont ever really be solved. War is a beast. Those who fight in the war, do they deserve to be killed? To the enemy, they are the enemy, they are shooting at them, they will shoot back. If they get killed, then it' s not immoral. However those that are fighting have been told that they have to. Do they want to? Do they feel it's right? You could say that that is what they joined the forces for. Many join the forces because it's an easy route into some sort of career. It shows that you have many qualities, making a job as a civilian slightly easier to find. Innocent people get killed in wars too. It's not just those who fight is it. And what is the reason for fighting? What does it solve?
Murderes do it. Murder I feel is immoral. but some murderers wont see it that way. Perhaps they believed something, and saw something that we don't. What gave them this idea to kill in the first place. Self-defense is okay I guess, but you'd have to have put a lot of force into your self defense to kill. Says you are capable of it.
There's euthanasia too. Is it moral or immoral to help someone end their life. If they are suffering from a terminal illness, is it so bad. There are places around the world you can't do it. Places that you can. It's a bit of a taboo. It seems that it's okay to put animals out of suffering but not humans....and why is that?
Anyway...there are all kinds of things that happen, that whether they are normal or not, or valued or not....well some are, and some are not moral.
What is moral to you?
30 April 2008
From Pomoworld: Let it crumble
Everything is approaching its' pinnacle. These elections will be the biggest joke in history, we know that. These wars will accelerate and kill more, we know that. Our economy will collapse, we know that. Our whole solar system is rapidly changing, we know that. Our entire system of how we "live" here on our Mother Earth is crumbling, so let it crumble. Real change cannot come about if any part of the old system is left intact. So, let it crumble. Do not use your energy to focus on all the negativity and how fucked up it all is, rather see this as the necessary first step towards our new paradigm. It is through the upcoming chaos that a new time will arise. It may seem scary and hectic at points, but we know that we have the power of creation on our side. We are going with the flow of the cosmos, whereas "they" are going against it; we are clearly on the "winning side".
I personally know I am here to raise the human consciousness as much as possible before the shift, and that is what I'm trying to do. So as we move our focus away from the "victim" state and raise our vibrational rate by realizing that we have all the power within us to change whatever we like, the new paradigm will come into clearer view. I am not suggesting, however, that we just sit and meditate on happiness while people are outside screaming. Everyone of us who is aware of this process has the personal responsibility to "free" as many minds as possible. Not by force, of course, but by Love. Lead by example, as they say. Show them that we indeed have the power within us and that Love is the only Truth. The simple transition from "victim to victor" will do the trick. People need to know that they should not and need not rely on anyone else, for anything. Yes, some people seem "hopeless", but don't stress, it is not the quantity of consciousness, rather the quality. And the Law of Allowance comes into play here. Everyone has free will, so let them do as they want. You are simply a tool for them, and if they discard you now, then maybe the next time around they'll listen to some other form of you.
This is all covered in the book, "Handbook for the New Paradigm" which you can have sent to you for free at No More Hoax's.com
It's worth a look, and very well may change your life.
We are all points of awareness in the human consciousness, so lettuce try to encourage as many other points to become aware as possible, and that shall be our mission.
We ARE God, We ARE Creation, We ARE Love... so let's start acting like it.
The question following from this:
Do you or have you experienced this process to be hard on your mind as you let go of old ideas? I am learning new things and in the process am having alot of emotional fucked up ness.. excuse the word.. but if you read my blog .. the fuck its.. this is where I'm at.. What is wrong with me?!!!!!!
And then the response:
Absolutely. My mind is and has gone through so much this past year and it's really hard to keep things straight; mostly because a spiral isn't straight. As for you, there is nothing wrong. Our minds have been conditioned for centuries to think one way, and we are now, very quickly, unlearning all that ish and remembering all the good stuff. It's a process, and one that you can trust. Things are so confusing these days and there is so much information floating around, it's hard to know if you're going crazy or or the world is. But the thing is, crazy doesn't exist. And more importantly, wrong doesn't exist. The real question is, "what's right with you?", and the answer is everything. You are evolving minute by minute and you won't be able to see the reason for all these changes until it has come to fruition. Things may seem very bad at one moment, but in the next it all makes sense. This time of chaos is just one moment, one age, and the next will bring understanding. Until then, go with the flow. Creation is on your side
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