Stop leaving

It's safe to say that history repeats. I don't need to evidence that. It's always around, always about, always blatantly obvious. Some people don't notice it, but some do.

I do notice a few things. This means me being wrapped up in my head for a little while, but people keep leaving.

Ive had a string of good friends. In fact in terms of being homeward bound, it's only the people that have left that ever were good friends, barr the odd one or two. Being homeward bound makes me happy. I like being in Thetford. I like being at home. I don't understand why. I don't exactly get along that well with my parents, though I love them I suppose. In fact sometimes I'm not sure that I do. But shhhhhh. I much prefer my little brother and my nan if I am honest.

Anyway, I do feel like I am being left behind. Except one or two....no, really just one, everyone else has left. My best friend from school got married and left the country. My adopted big brothers, who for a while I spent every spare momemnt I had with, well all three of them left....not in one go.....but none of them are close by. There was a guy who fled the country. There was a boyfriend who simply dissapeared, supposedly out of the country, but a few months after they supposedly left the country they actually did, and then I found out. And then there was the greatest person I've ever known....and guess what, they fled the town and moved far away.

Okay, so thats where I wallow in it. I often wonder if perhaps there is something that wrong with me that people need to go so far away to get away from me. I know that's a bit extreme, but it has crossed my mind before. I also know that thinking that way is wrong. The time for pastures new comes up in everyones life, and undoubtedly for some, moving away and making a fresh start somewhere is what happens. And while I am genuinely happy for all those friends that have come and gone, and who I've seen change an come along in leaps and bounds, I can't help but feel that I am going to get left behind.

This is slightly hypocritical though. I for one have no intention of being here, or even in this country in two years time. With all my hopes and dreams of which really is only to travel, I don't suppose when the time comes it will matter. It wont matter who has come and gone all tht will matter is that I am off. Living my own dream.

I often find myself thinking about the friends that have walked away. I sometimes winder what they are doing, and of course, as is only natural, what would be happening if they were still here now. It takes a while, but you do eventually realise that your only one true friend is your own mind. Lets hope that doesn't decide to take of sometime soon too - haha

The Lighting of a Candle

I was in London yesterday, and had a peek inside St Mary's Church. It's a pretty little church next to Westminster Abbey, and both my nan and myself lit a candle each.

I lit mine in the hope that it would bring light into a certain persons life after what seems like a long string of bad times. May that little light burn inside them, and fill them with good times, happiness, joy, laughter, and the nice and good things that this small world has to offer at present.

I suppose it's the thought that counts.

Nostradamus videos

Sorry, unlike the last few there isn't a video for the whole thing, so I have posted in parts....in the right order too












Part 8 is missing because I can't find it. I think that's the part where they start looking towards the end of the world, but you wont miss out on too much by not seeing it just keep looking out for it on The Histiry Channel because I am sure it will be on again.

The Lost Book Of Nostradamus

You know how every now and then you watch a documentary and sort of wish you hadn't. Well I recorded The Lost Book Of Nostradamus quite some time ago, and had a spare hour & half today, so thought I'd watch it.

I found it absolutely fascinating, but at the same time it sent shivers down my spine. As I watched the video I felt like it was talking to me, and like I was being watching. Every unexpected sound in the house made me jump, but I was compelled to continue watching.

I was thinking as I watched this about the Law of Attraction. So generally they say that you can attract anything to you, if you ask for it, and believe that you have it already. If this is the case then it will come. Generally it only seems to have an effect on the person, or on another person if it results in a positive happening for the person asking. Negative thought though is much more powerful than the positive. Negative things keep coming, until a person can change themselves to bring on power within for the better.

This lost book of Nostradamus contained images. These made me think about those sigils things that the Grant Morrison guy mentioned in the video I watch with the amazingness some time ago. Magik things. Not watched it since I watched it with the amazingness, but it suddenly popped to mind while watching the documentary.

Well here's the video for that if anyone is interested....



Anyway, I was thinking about such things. And they both sort of do the same thing, so can they work together simultaneously? The lost book is full of pictures and paintings that prophecies the future. Although nobody actually knows who the illustrator is, and that it actually is to do with Nostradamus himself, his name is mentioned in the book, and these paintings seem to relate to the manuscript Les Propheties.

Of course, with the popularity of the Law of Attraction, and magik as it is today it gets you thinking. If a person has written to prophecise the end of the world, and drawn pictures to show that the end of the world is going to happen, then could the power contained within those pictures, writings and the individual be enough for it to come true?

Apparently after the 9/11 attack the most popular search term on the web was Nostradamus. The symbolism attached to the drawing in the lost book, like many things before and since, point to 2012 to be the year of the apocalypse. And as more people become interested in the events that are leading up to 2012, and the awareness of 2012 picks up, could this mean that people are actually attracting it.

Could people be the ones that are bringing the apocalypse for having believed in the apocalypse.

I'll post the Lost Book of Nostradamus videos in a separate blog post. but if you listen to it, it does bring out a somewhat convincing argument of the 2012 apocalyptic end...or indeed beginning. But then, have they come about 2012 as the date because so many people before hand have, particularly the Mayans. 2012 has been thrown about for an age now. Most people are aware of it. The Mayan calendar ends here, but is it possible that it could start going backwards with a whole new world of enlightened beings. The apocalypse doesn't necessarily mean that suddenly we are all going to drop off the planet. It could be the beginning of some very exciting times ahead. Just maybe.

I think I am getting away from the point of my post. But could Nostradamus have used his words, and these paintings that came from his words to create these things......rather than them just happening.

According to Nostradamus the world will end in 3797, hence why 2012 could be a leap forward in the development of humankind, as apposed to death and destruction. Perhaps the speed at which climatic events, natural disasters and war are spreading at the moment....well could be a big wake up call, but not in the typical sense. Perhaps it serves not as a warning, but as an awakening. And yes, they might be the same thing near enough, but they do have key differences. A warning is just that. A warning. You don;t have to take notice, though you probably should. An awakening, wakes you up to what is going on.

It's a little like tat thing that the amazingness used to tell me, and that's that you have to suffer to find who you are. Not his exact words, I might add, but that was the general gist of it. So perhaps all this is happening to lead up to 2012 to awaken all of us. Whether this will be a good or a bad thing I don't know.......

Anyway, that was my though, If enough people believe that they are going to die in some big catastrophic event, then they will.......

Humm....I wonder......

I was walking the dogs with my nan today. We were chatting about various bits and things and rubbish, and then suddenly, from out of nowhere she asked me this question:

Ashley, are you lonely?

She's always asking me odd questions. I put it down to me not being your typical 22 year old. I don't go out. I don't really speak to anyone that much. I dote on one person that I don't really even have contact with anymore. I guess it isn't normal is it?!

AM I lonely? Well I replied, I am to the extent that I don't really have any friends nearby, but I am alright on my own. But I do wonder if I do. I was just watching a programme. In this programme someone said somethign about changing dramatically when you have lots someone to ease this loss. I've not really lost anyone. I lost my gt nan, and I miss her terribly, but this can't have changed me as a person. And then I was thinking....do you have to loose someone on a physical level (i.e. they die) for this to happen. Have the events of the last year or so had more of an effect on me than I think. Right from the first time I had thought I lost that special person. Over and over I felt that they were gone. Gone for good. It was the easiest thing to think. I used to laugh it off, and say to people that everything would be okay in a few days. I'm not sure that I ever believed it. And then there is now. And I sit in my room munching on chocolate because I am a typical girl. Something goes wrong and we eat chocolate to compensate. It works.....well until the bar is finished with.

I'd never needed anyone before. Unlike the majority, I never had a need to belong somewhere. I hadn't ever felt what it was like to feel that I really truly belonged. And then suddenly I did. I did. I felt that I belonged almost instantly. And then I knew what it was like. And while I still believe that I am okay, and will cope just fine and dandy on my own...I want that back. I want to belong to them again. So very very much.

I am not usre whether or not I am loosing a grip on myself. I've wrote recently about my identity crisis. And I know that everyone has them from time to time. I know the chances are that with everything that's happened I am most likely to remember the bad bits, because they have greatest impact. Remembering the bad stuff it seems should make something easier to forget. To cover up. To replace with another experience. Why does our mind do that? Rather than working through things, it simply just replaces experiences. It never forgets them. And then when something similar comes along, it brings forth all of these things out of the filing cabinet. Why doesn't it forget. And why can ones head not be filled with nice stuff. If I really try hard I can remember everything nice that's ever happened....but it does take almighty effort. Anyway...the thing being is that the bad stuff that has happened over the last year or so is rather easy to forget. I put it down to the both of us not being in good places on the inside. With two people not feeling right, things don't work. I always had an excuse for the both of us when things didn't work. therefore I only remember the good part, the connections, the immense evenings, and the times when I walked away blissfully happy, like nothing I'd ever felt before.

And then it was gone. Removed from me. And it hurt, it really hurt. I still brush it off.

I tell you a secret. I've never belonged, because I've never opened up. I've never let my guard down. Even now, when you read and think you know how I am feeling, I am not telling the whole story. I never do. I know that people know me as Ashley, go get em'. I'm this lively, wacky lady that always smiles.

I don't know what I am getting at. I guess I am lonely at this very moment in time. Though not helping myself as I choose to sit alone. I choose to do everything alone. I even want to travel on my own. Live on my own etc etc. I am a lone ranger. I always have been. But never before have I had a real feeling that perhaps I am lonley. Perhaps after having belonged for so long....I want to continue belonging.

I know that given the chance...well I could have shown my good side. My lively side and my softy side. I was almost willing to let my guard down and tell things that I never told. And that now I never will.

I am lonely. I am always lonely. I am a lone ranger. I am in solitary confinement, alone in a world I created on my own. It's my world. It's my version of life. It's my mind and imagination that's putting it there. I made it all up. I've got to deal with the consequences. So if I am unhealthy let it be so...I can cope with it this way. I don't think I can cope with letting another in again...so I wont!

Ashley, the good, the bad, the lone ranger!

Norms and values = morality?

Just because something fits in with a cultures norms and values [think sociology] it doesn't make it moral [think philosophy].

I am going to use the old killing chestnut to demonstrate this. Is it okay to kill? Some people would say yes it is. Thinking of perhaps animals, murderers, euthanasia, war. Other people would say no. Thinking of innocent people, animals, murderers, euthanasia, war. It's generally innocent people that seem to be killed in an immoral way. Innocent people that have no need to be dead, because they've done nothing wrong.

In some places this is a common everyday occurance, and in those places perhaps it's not as much of a taboo subject as it is in our Western Culture. The Samurai for example used to take their own lives becuase they were ashamed of something they had done. And it was done rather regularly everywhere. I think they stabbed themselves while someone else chopped off their heads or something like that. Thus it was okay to kill.

Suicide rates are on the increase and that says something doesn't it. Perhaps more people are seeing things, and yet they know, or feel, that they have no control and have no other option. I think those who commit suicide are a little on the selfish side. I think they are only thinking of themselves. I don't feel that they think about the impact that it has on their friends and family. And it does. I feel sorry for them in the sense that thy felt they had no other choice.

War is one of those funny arguments, that wont ever really be solved. War is a beast. Those who fight in the war, do they deserve to be killed? To the enemy, they are the enemy, they are shooting at them, they will shoot back. If they get killed, then it' s not immoral. However those that are fighting have been told that they have to. Do they want to? Do they feel it's right? You could say that that is what they joined the forces for. Many join the forces because it's an easy route into some sort of career. It shows that you have many qualities, making a job as a civilian slightly easier to find. Innocent people get killed in wars too. It's not just those who fight is it. And what is the reason for fighting? What does it solve?

Murderes do it. Murder I feel is immoral. but some murderers wont see it that way. Perhaps they believed something, and saw something that we don't. What gave them this idea to kill in the first place. Self-defense is okay I guess, but you'd have to have put a lot of force into your self defense to kill. Says you are capable of it.

There's euthanasia too. Is it moral or immoral to help someone end their life. If they are suffering from a terminal illness, is it so bad. There are places around the world you can't do it. Places that you can. It's a bit of a taboo. It seems that it's okay to put animals out of suffering but not humans....and why is that?

Anyway...there are all kinds of things that happen, that whether they are normal or not, or valued or not....well some are, and some are not moral.

What is moral to you?

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From Pomoworld: Let it crumble

Everything is approaching its' pinnacle. These elections will be the biggest joke in history, we know that. These wars will accelerate and kill more, we know that. Our economy will collapse, we know that. Our whole solar system is rapidly changing, we know that. Our entire system of how we "live" here on our Mother Earth is crumbling, so let it crumble. Real change cannot come about if any part of the old system is left intact. So, let it crumble. Do not use your energy to focus on all the negativity and how fucked up it all is, rather see this as the necessary first step towards our new paradigm. It is through the upcoming chaos that a new time will arise. It may seem scary and hectic at points, but we know that we have the power of creation on our side. We are going with the flow of the cosmos, whereas "they" are going against it; we are clearly on the "winning side".

I personally know I am here to raise the human consciousness as much as possible before the shift, and that is what I'm trying to do. So as we move our focus away from the "victim" state and raise our vibrational rate by realizing that we have all the power within us to change whatever we like, the new paradigm will come into clearer view. I am not suggesting, however, that we just sit and meditate on happiness while people are outside screaming. Everyone of us who is aware of this process has the personal responsibility to "free" as many minds as possible. Not by force, of course, but by Love. Lead by example, as they say. Show them that we indeed have the power within us and that Love is the only Truth. The simple transition from "victim to victor" will do the trick. People need to know that they should not and need not rely on anyone else, for anything. Yes, some people seem "hopeless", but don't stress, it is not the quantity of consciousness, rather the quality. And the Law of Allowance comes into play here. Everyone has free will, so let them do as they want. You are simply a tool for them, and if they discard you now, then maybe the next time around they'll listen to some other form of you.

This is all covered in the book, "Handbook for the New Paradigm" which you can have sent to you for free at No More Hoax's.com
It's worth a look, and very well may change your life.

We are all points of awareness in the human consciousness, so lettuce try to encourage as many other points to become aware as possible, and that shall be our mission.

We ARE God, We ARE Creation, We ARE Love... so let's start acting like it.

The question following from this:

Do you or have you experienced this process to be hard on your mind as you let go of old ideas? I am learning new things and in the process am having alot of emotional fucked up ness.. excuse the word.. but if you read my blog .. the fuck its.. this is where I'm at.. What is wrong with me?!!!!!!

And then the response:

Absolutely. My mind is and has gone through so much this past year and it's really hard to keep things straight; mostly because a spiral isn't straight. As for you, there is nothing wrong. Our minds have been conditioned for centuries to think one way, and we are now, very quickly, unlearning all that ish and remembering all the good stuff. It's a process, and one that you can trust. Things are so confusing these days and there is so much information floating around, it's hard to know if you're going crazy or or the world is. But the thing is, crazy doesn't exist. And more importantly, wrong doesn't exist. The real question is, "what's right with you?", and the answer is everything. You are evolving minute by minute and you won't be able to see the reason for all these changes until it has come to fruition. Things may seem very bad at one moment, but in the next it all makes sense. This time of chaos is just one moment, one age, and the next will bring understanding. Until then, go with the flow. Creation is on your side

This one's quite interesting too....

Another of the documentaries I've watched this week is called the Human Footprint.

It basically gives you an idea of the consumables an average human gets through. How much food and drink...how much sick....how much shit....how much bog roll. They've even delved into the average amount of times we have sex in our lives. Of course, some of you sex crazed maniacs out there will have it far more than the 4,239 amount of times I'm sure.

Anyway it's quite interesting to see the whole of our lives mapped out in front of us. It also pains me to say, that for now, this is all life for us is.....sex and stuff!

No time like the present

I think, being in the state that I am in in the moment, that it's about time. I said a couple of days ago that I feel like a teenager, and I really do. I seem to recall at some point feeling ever so lonely, and feeling that the whole world was against me. Like nobody knew me, and nobody cared. In a way I feel like this now. I've felt it for the past few days. Over the past week it seems that my mum has been been telling me what I do and don't like. What I do and don't do. What I am and what I am not. What I have and what I don't. And yet, she doesn't have a clue.

I don't talk to her. Mostly because my pride and ego get in the way. But sometimes, everything she does and says just irritates the life out of me. No matter what it is she is saying, or who she is saying it too. I just feel myself getting frustrated every second. I hide in my room mostly at the moment. It just saddens me that someone who should know you knows nothing. I get very little credit from her, and for some reason I have to be actively seen to be doing something before someone will notice. I've been told I've not bothered to look for a job. I've applied for a few. I've been told that I've not done any uni work....I have. It's just like the family have no faith in me.

Thing is, mum asks those silly questions. She asks things about Uni and work, neither of which I like to talk about. I know she is just trying to show an interest, but they are simply the wrong things. If I don't like something I want to shut it out of my mind from the moment I stop, until the moment I go back. So I don't want to be asked about what I did at work, or if I had a nice time at work. Chances are I did the same as I did every other day I was at work, and chances are, like every other day it was pretty pants.

Nobody cares what my interests are. And when I say things like philosophy or nature, they just seem to laugh and throw it in my face. My nan thinks this whole philosophy thing is hilarious. Mum likes ot take the P a bit too. I know that this does not fit in with their life interests, but why can they not listen to what I like and why I like it, and respect that? I don't understand.

I've spent a lot of time with the amazingness, and we had many discussions as to why I couldn't speak to him. We recognised it to be my relationship with my father that was the problem. And it truly is. When I went to the football with him last week, I found it incredibly difficult to know what to talk to him about. I really really struggled. But it's not just my dad. Talking to my mum is just as hard. We have walked the dogs a couple of times, been out for a good 40 mins or so, and we've hardly managed to muster up a word to each other. Well...not unless it's some crap about how I have no money and I need to go and get myself a job and stuff.

I try this small talk stuff. This relationship building thing. Talkign about house decorating (because they are both really into it, and I am in the closet about it). Music, football, the dog, the weather.....but everything makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable. Worst thing about it is, is that I need to be able to do this for other realtionships in my life to work. I need to crack this problem, that clearly lies within me, to enable myself to build further real relationships, and not meaningless superficial ones.

That doesn't go to say that every relationship I have or have had has is and has been superficial. It just simply means that they are not real. They are not as they should be. Because I cannot communicate with the people closest to me, I cannot communicate with the majority of the rest of people. I can at face value, but as soon as someone means something to me, like the amazingness does, things just generally go a bit kaput.

It was when I was a teenager that I lost my close relationship with both my parents that I had as a young child. Therefore while I feel how I did then, perhaps it's the best chance I have in which to get those back.

Now then....to tackle that problem of that damn ego, and that pride..............

Dangerous knowledge

I have to say that I am a skeptic. I am a philosophical skeptic, and this is why the philosophy essay I wrote last week was such a good essay to write, and why I enjoyed every moment.

I think maybe the fact that the majority of people are blind is not such a bad thing. In most cases a bit of extra knowledge, the kind that challenges your whole idea of life and reality can drive you completely insane. Then what insane is I don't know. I think being insane is far better than not being insane. And I think the ability to sit and ponder on ideas and make up your own mind about them is the best way forward. Not believing what you are told, but yet believing what is true to you works in a much better way!!

Looking for knowledge though should be done with caution. Sometimes these quests will take hold of you, as it has done me, and you'll never be the same again.






I found this video today, and it's very very interesting. I've only watched up to about 40 mins in so far, and plan to watch the rest in a short while, but wow. What these people have tried to find out, and what it has done to them....I think it takes a very brave kind of person to attempt to find this out....and as such....I admire anyone who sets themselves along a path of discovery, and continues along it until the bitter end.

To clarify

While everything is on this never-ending journey, with all it's surprises, twists, turns, fascinations, and beauty. And beautiful it is. The whole thing is beautiful. It would be even more beautiful if the "Human Race" didn't exist. I do believe there to a be a lot more to that than what it appears. Admittedly, if the human race did not exist then nor would I, and I'd miss it all....but it's not so bad.

And I do have a positive outlook. Nature will take back what is hers. Thank heavens....because we have created a whole host of ugliness!! And if you think we rule the planet, think again, because mother nature is more powerful than you think. And the "human race" is no match for her.



Humans are not needed....the planet will survive and thrive without them!!

The human race

This just occured to me while writing the previous blog post, and I don't think it ever has before. Not ever.....

We don't generally refer to the dogs on the land as the dog race, or cats as the cats race, or mice as the mice race. In fact, we tend to refer to things in the animal world as families. The dog family, the cat family, the rodent family....Humans.....the human race.

Now am i just thinking too hard, or is there something in that?

THE HUMAN RACE

HUMAN RACE

RACE

We are in a race. Survival is a game. Survival however, is a game for everything. Not just humans. Plants and animals too strive to survive.

I am intrigued as to what this means.....it's one of those things that gets thrown around for centuries.....one of those things that everyone uses, that hides something more sinister so well...and yet when you think of it, it's so blatantly obvious. And then they also use the term "human kind" Humans are not kind. Not in any way, shape or form. This is clearly ironic in it's meaning. "Human nature" again something more sinister. Human nature is just an excuse for humans to behave in an awful manner.

We kill other humans for fun. We torture other humans for fun. We hurt people for fun. We do a lot of things for fun that animals and plants do purely to survive. We don't need to kill humans to survive. we don't need to torture and hurt to survive. We are a hideous species. Good heavens we even hurt our own family members!

The race it seems is a tough as it is long. And what's worse, is that it seems to me that it's not only against eachother, to be the last survivor, or to be the best and to win the race and control everyone....the race is also against nature. And we can't win against nature. We are not her. She knows exactly what she is doing....and we are dumb, and don't have a clue.

I've looked online, and see nothing about the significance of the term "human race" anywhere. Not that I really need to, when it's so crazily obvious. I hope I am not alone on this. This thing....this race....this race, game that we collectivly play and are part of and don't even realise, this is what will kill us all in the end.

And I don't just mean killing us in a physical sense...I mean this on every level!

How far can we go....

...in the name of Art?

I suppose it depends on what constitutes as art, and what doesn't.

I had an email today, you know the type...pass it along bla bla's. I'm not really interested in them anymore....another pointless thing in a long line of pointless things. But this one I did. It was about his guy's piece of art, in which a dog basically starved to death it seems. There is a petition to stop this piece of art being done again.

The guys name is Guillermo Vargas Habacuc the dogs name was Nativity.....

Personally I do not think that starving an animal to death, no matter what the reasons behind it is, is Art. It seems to me it is just another one of those instances where humans think they are the bees knees, and really....on the subject of the human race....that says it all!!

If you want to read the full story on this guy then here you go.

If you can't go a day...

...without thinking about someone, never give up.

That's certainly my view on it. No mater how you may feel about them, no matter what might happen, and what the future may bring.....never even try to remove the thought of them from your mind, and certainly don't turn your back on them.

Chances are you have been touched by this person. This person is very special. Even if you don;t realise yourself how special they actually are.

Just believe that they are. Never give up on someone, never forget them, and never shy away from how you feel.

Remember, everyone walks into your life for a reason. You can never really know why they are there, just know that they are. No matter how you feel about someone.......just keep believing in them!!

A never-ending journey

We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.

------------T.S. Eliott-----------

I think this is a lovely little poetic quote. It goes to show that everyone will always explore. And I suppose this goes for every level of exploration that there is. A personal exploration. An exploration of the mind, body and soul. An exploration of epic proportions around the globe. Every exploration is epic. No matter how hard or easy, or what it involves.

I found myself yesterday having a realisation that we are all, every single one of us, on a journey that never ends. The journey could be full of many surprises. I say it could, it is. It always has been, and always will be.

We are all part of something that possibly has no beginning, and surely has no end. For even if it were to end with an individual, the memory of that individual will live on, and remain, and so the journey continues.

I watch for the second time today the program Life After People, it's very clever. I first watched it about 2 months ago with the amazingness. It basically gives an idea of how much people are not really needed by nature, and how much it will flourish without.

But even if it did happen, even if everyone died off suddenly, or vanished, and nature did again take hold of the planet, the journey would not end there. In fact, I think from there it could be very exciting.

I do not believe that our lives end when we die off. In fact, I think that that is just the beginning. That the life we have here is just a little, a nanosecond in the grand scheme of things. yes yes!!

I don't know if we will ever stop exploring. I don't suppose we ever will. And it's because the exploration can happen on so many levels, that I don't believe it will. I suppose it could, but I have a feeling that it wont....and I also have this feeling that it can only be a very good thing =)

I feel like a teenager

Admittedly, I'm not far past the teenage years, but at the moment I really do feel like I am about 13.

It was at the age of 13/14 that I got the delightful travel bug caught inside me. At the same time I was teenage, and regularly felt like the world was against me. I hated my parents, and every little thing they said or did really got on my nerves.

I blame this on the hormones. While ultimately how I act to things in any given situation is my responsibility, and I have the power to make a situation bad, worse, good or better, at 13/14 those hormones tend to take over the rationality of the mind, and it seems they are meddling with me yet again.

But I am not a teenager. What I am though, is a girl, who was confused, and I hate to admit angry 10 days ago. In fact any length of time before 10 days ago I was. Now though, my hormones are being meddled with, and I really have felt it.

I am donating eggs. I am currently on day 1o or perhaps 11 of my Supercur injections. The idea I think is that supercur takes over the hormones in the body and replaces them with hormones but in a different quantity, or stops them altogether. Not completely sure which one it is. I have to take them at the same time every day, because it may only take 5 mins for the body to start doing it's own hormones again. SO every morning i have got up about 8, and done my injection around 8.10.

At this moment in time there is a possibility that I could be experiencing what is known in the biz as a hot flush!! You don't get them as a teenager, true, but you get them in the menopause, and that is what my body thinks it is going through right now. It's no wonder that I'm angry and irritable at the moment. Simply waiting for the womanly curse, then I think I switch my treatment and inject in the evenings instead, start on the stuff that stimulates my ovaries, and then after that it's scans, and eventually egg collection.

Some people do not agree with the egg donating thing. Saying that it goes against nature. I suppose you could argue that there is a reason why a couple is infertile. Why that couple cannot have children. But they didn't ask for that. Just because they are infertile, doesn't mean they don't have a right to the most natural thing in the world for all species and all things. Humans, plants, animals. They all reproduce.

So perhaps having a child born using another persons egg, or another mans sperm does not seem the most natural thing to do. And I am the first to complain about humans becoming too clever for their own good, but perhaps, things like this were meant to happen.

Perhaps for evolution to continue there needs to be a slight mix-up. Perhaps science and man were supposed to make the progress that they have. I don't know for what reason, but just maybe it could be true......perhaps.

I have no problem donating eggs. I think it's a good thing to do, and I know that if someone wants to try having a child by means of someone else's eggs then they really do want a child. I've never been into children, never wanted them, and it's highly unlikely that I will (given my almost complete avoidance of things that create them). Therefor, I feel that donating is a respectable thing to do. I know that there are people who are desperate to have a child. You could say that they should adopt or foster. There are a lot of unwanted children on the planet already. If they want a child so much then perhaps they should have one of these. It's not that simple though. There are thing some women wish to go through. Not the IVF treatment, but the actual being pregnant and actual giving birth. The carrying of a child which gives the mother a child a special bond from the word go. I am very much in the opinion in this day and age that the person who loves and cares for a child is their mother, no matter what the genetics say.

There is no genetic modifying involved in this process. No playing God. All there is is a couple having a child that they really want, that they will love and cherish forever, and finally after possibly years of waiting, being able to have to have one.

Whoever may have a baby from my egg, I wish you all the very best of luck!

If there is no such thing as knowledge and truth, then there is little need for education

That was the title of my philosophy essay which I spent the best part of the week doing, finishing etc etc. I got to a point where I had so much that I wanted to say that I ended up not writing enough, because had I started to go onto something else, I would have gone onto another tangent altogether, and gone way way over. There are a couple of dodgy bits where I simply had to do something to fit it into the next paragraph.....

I would like to thank the amazingness with all my heart, because if it weren't for the amazingness I would never have even had any interest in this is in the first place, and it would have proved very very difficult. In fact, something he quoted to me in a MSN conversation once a long time ago became very very fitting in the beginning that I had to use it. Felt a little on the cheeky side, but I'm sure he wont mind. I'll give him as much credit, if not more than myself, because like I said, if not for him, theer would have been no interest whatsoever in the subject. Also, he got me a book that helped me massively!! I've even been reading it properly since finishing my essay, because the bits that I flicked through were so good.....and it will help me with my dissertation too =)

So...on with the essay then..........

If There is No Such Thing as Knowledge and Truth,

Then There is Little Need for Education.

What is knowledge? What is truth? According to the [Collins Essential English] Dictionary (2003), knowledge is ‘1. the facts or experiences known by a person or group of people. 2. the state of knowing 3. specific information about a subject.’ (page u/n) The Dictionary’s definition of truth is ‘1. the quality of being true, genuine or factual […] 2. something that is true […] 3. a proven verified fact etc’. (page u/n) But is there really such thing?

In essence, evident from the above definitions, knowledge is the acquisition of facts; these facts may or may not have any truth in them at all. Facts are constructed of evidence, which can be, and often has been manipulated to quantify a point for the purpose of educating.

Taking the above into account, this study will reflect on the purpose of education, and whether or not the existence of man brings with it an existence of knowledge and truth. If man brings neither, then the foundation of everything is a lie, and therefore there is no point or need for education. Although it could be, and will be argued that even if everything man knows is based on a lie, as George Orwell wrote in his book Nineteen Eighty-Four “the lie passed into history and became truth” (page 37).

Perhaps when looking at education and man’s need for knowledge, is best to look at this with a more philosophical approach that the literal interpretation of knowledge and truth. Epistemology is the philosophical study of knowledge. Epistemology not only looks at so-called facts, but also questions how these facts are realized, or not as the case may be.

We know many things because science tells us that it is true. We know other things because religion tells us it is true. Some have faith in religion; others have faith in their ability to reason. Many people have learned to question things, and believe that there is more to know than what science and religion tell us. It is likely that what we do not know far outweighs what we know. Common sense helps us to understand many of the ideas and beliefs that we hold, but how much can science show us, and what can we comprehend? We tend to easily comprehend rational ideas, and we stick to the easiest explanation for this reason. It is unclear though as to weather the easiest explanation always contains truth and provides us with knowledge. (Curtis 2008)

For this reason education cannot solely be about passing on knowledge to children. It is uncertain what knowledge is. Knowledge is about creating moral beings, and giving them the opportunity to understand the world, rightly or wrongly, as we believe it to be. Should a teacher teach what we know, or what they feel they should teach? Teachers are unable to decide. Instead teacher teach what the “experts” tell them is correct.

Teachers like the vast majority of people have feelings and senses. The vast majority of people live their lives relying on their own minds and five sense abilities: sight, smell, hearing, taste and touch. But are they completely reliable? When we loose the capability of one sense, the remaining senses respond and alter to combat the loss. If we can loose a sense, we can also be tricked by our senses. Our brain is constantly working harmoniously with our senses to guide us. Even our senses can let us down on the occasion. A classic example of which is a stick dipped in water. The stick appears to bend as it enters but in fact it does not. We know it is not bent as we have the belief and experience of scientific fact. However this example proves that sight cannot be completely relied upon.

A common and rather popular game on the radio involves a recording of a sound, or voice, and listeners guess what the sound is, or whom the voice belongs to. All listeners hear exactly the same sound, but everyone experiences the sound differently. Therefore many different people playing the game will have a different interpretation of the sound, and there may be many guesses before the listeners give the correct answer. This is another example of how the senses can confuse.

Of course, the latter example does not solely test the sense. It also tests the memory. The memory is created from the art of experience. In every moment of life we are experiencing. Some experiences repeat, others do not, but all experiences lead to the individual’s truth. Once a sound is heard it is passed into the memory as an experience. Therefore the sound a radio listener hears by the sense of hearing triggers the memory of the experience of what they have heard before.

Memories and experiences are stored in the individual’s personal filing cabinet. The personal filing cabinet begins storing information from the very beginning. John Locke believed that we cannot have knowledge without experience. Our experience is limited and therefore knowledge is also limited.

A stereotypical apple appears to have a green or red skin on the outside. The inside is much lighter, with a tough core in the centre. Through the experience of eating the apple, we know that it’s juicy and sweet on the inside, and it is edible.

If an apple is left uneaten, over a period of time it changes. The skin turns a brownish colour inside and out, becomes very soft, and it has a bad smell about it. So how can it be an apple? It is no longer recognisable in any sense as an apple, and yet we recognise it as being one. It doesn’t look, smell, or taste the same, so we must have had the experience if the rotten apple to know what it is. If a person had not had experience of a rotten apple, would they know that this is what it is?

There is also however Carl Jung’s idea of the collective unconscious, which would suggest yes. The collective unconscious theory implies that each individual already has the knowledge and experience of everything that has been, and everything that is happening. As we do not recognise that we know everything already, education is a tool to trigger the memory of experience.

However, this raises questions over the content of our education. If there is such a collective unconscious, then why during schooling do most children not suddenly have revelations, and are suddenly flooded with a wealth of knowledge.

Children do not tend to question what they are taught in school. All evidence can be manipulated, and if a child is presented “facts” with evidence, manipulated or not, they will be embedded with false beliefs. Therefore they may be unable to gain access to the collective unconscious, especially if the two sets of knowledge conflict, and challenges the child’s perception of reality.

If the above were to be “true” then Plato’s cave theory is still rather relevant, although it may have changed somewhat. It would be relevant to today’s climate, but perhaps not how it was seen previously.

The soldier dragging the prisoner up the hill is often seen as the teacher. The prisoner is thought of as the child resisting knowledge. Maybe the knowledge that they are being given by the teacher in this case challenges the ideas of the collective unconscious that the child has access to before they are educated with false beliefs. The teacher of course eventually brings the child out of the cave.

If Plato’s theory is changed slightly, then the shadows on the wall in the cave are the collective unconscious, while above and beyond this is the individuals experience. Previously the shadows on the wall though are much more known of as a false reality. In this case, could it be that the teacher is the one producing the shadows on the wall for the prisoner to see? If this is the case then the prisoner follows many challenges along the way.

The prisoner’s own mind and hunger for knowledge and experience, through modern technology, could light the pathway out of the tunnel. ‘In this new world of pedagogical plenty, children and adults will be able to dial up a programme on their home television to learn whatever they want to know at their own convenience’ (Bruer 1993 as cited in Postman 1995). There are a huge amount of documentaries available on television now, and also the Internet is expanding at an alarming rate, allowing access to everyone all of the time, as Bruer acknowledges. In the case of ‘Little Eva’ a child not being able to sleep, ‘she can learn algebra instead’, or in the case of ‘Young John’ he could decide ‘to learn the history of modern Japan’. Through technology both Little Eva and Young John will have access to ‘the greatest authorities and teachers on the subject’. They will be able to learn independently, and be able to learn what interests them. They may also have access to the same piece of evidence interpreted in various different ways, and whilst perhaps not having complete knowledge (unless the memory and content of the collective unconscious is triggered) they will have a more informed belief system.

Many though will find their own journey a struggle, but there are now many more ways than ever before to gain experience. Taking the above into account, the only education a child really needs is the ability to read, write and do basic maths equations. Then as Rousseau believed education would be about educating an individual. As John Locke believed, education is about making children want to learn. So if children are given the tools and means to do so this will enable them to discover and experience for themselves. (Curtis 2007)

If this discovery is completely virtual, it raises the possibility of a somewhat virtual reality. If everything can be found and learned from a virtual learning centre, then is it possible that everything we perceive is programmed into a virtual reality? However, from the size of some virtual machines that only produce a small amount of a virtual world, it can be determined that it would need a very big computer system to produce the world and universe in it’s entirety. Replicating life as we know it seems like it is almost impossible. However, it could be said that if we were living in a virtual reality, or The Matrix, it is highly unlikely that “human kind” would be able to see it, or even know anything of it’s existence. Again allowing us to question our own knowledge.

If our perceived reality were only to be a virtual reality, would the virtual reality be purely experimental in order for some other being to see what they have created. Would they want to see what we would do if left to our own devices. Or would everything we see and do be controlled by this other being? Would there be a point to the exercise? It sounds inconceivable that we have been programmed into a virtual reality; there is a lot of detail in nature. Has it been created for our viewing pleasure? (Rucker 2008) This sounds rather pointless if life and reality is virtual and we have been born into it. We would know no different, and therefore only basics would need to be created.

The above is one of Descartes three rational doubts. Another of these rational doubts is that everybody creates their own reality. We are effectively nothing: non-existent, aside from a thought. It is only the awareness of our self that exists. Everything else is our imagination and the reality that we create for ourselves. As Descartes says ‘cognito ergo sum’ translated from Latin to English as meaning ‘I think therefore I am’. So we do exist on the level of thought. And perhaps on this thought level, we are freer to have beliefs, knowledge, and experience, than we are on a physical and five senses level.

A non-physical five-sense level is also available to us, and is not quite so limiting. The dream state. The dream state questions knowledge in a rather extreme way. Descartes believed that there is no distinct difference between dreams and our actual perceived reality. So it is actually possible that the dream could be the reality, and the reality the dream. It is impossible to know which is which, and therefore knowledge in general is very doubtful.

To acquire actual knowledge we must get things wrong in order to be able to get things right. Sceptics would point out that nothing is right everything is simply an opinion. We cannot know in the vast majority of cases that we have got something right, or wrong to prove otherwise. A sceptical approach is useful when deciphering what the true meaning of knowledge is, as it enables us to question, and go into more detail in the hope of discovering knowledge. If everything is broken down to its most basic level by the sceptic, then may we discover the truth, and gain knowledge.

There is a need for education, in the sense that it gives those who wish to a basis for which to begin they’re explorations. It gives others beliefs that they can build on as they gain more experience. Education is not just about schooling, education is a life-long journey of discovery. Education gives us the skills and the knowledge to accept or challenge what we are told, and thus the cycle continues.

In the life, believe, reality cycle, not all questions have simple answers. Some questions do not have any answers at all. We cannot know all there is to know, however, we also cannot know that we cannot know all there is. We cannot know that we know everything, and we cannot know that we know nothing. Human kind however is full of ideas, themes and beliefs, all of which are also following a journey. Key ideas may change over periods of time, and sometimes only very slightly. Whilst we develop these ideas further, we ourselves are developing further. We need to ask more questions, and answer those new questions with yet more questions, whilst still finding answers. The more we learn, the more we can learn, the more we can question, and the more fulfilled our knowledge will be; and so on and so forth.

REFERENCES

CARROLL R (2005) Collective Unconscious [web page]

http://www.skepdic.com/collectiveun.html (accessed 23/04/2008)

CURREN R (2007) Philosophy of Education

Singapore: Blackwell Publishing

CURTIS W (2007) Socratic Method of Enquiry and PLATO [Lecture]

De Montfort University

CURTIS W (2007) Rationalism and Empiricism [Lecture]

De Montfort University

CURTIS W (2008) Knowledge and Truth [Lecture]

De Montfort University

HAMM C (1989, 1991) Philosophical Issues in Education An Introduction

Basingstoke: The Falmer Press

KOHLI W (1995) Critical Conversations in Philosophy of Education

London: Routeledge

MORELAND J P (n/d) Epistemology and Skepticism [Recorded Lecture]

http://hisdefense.org/video/Moreland%20-%20Skepticism%20and%20Epistemology.wmv (accessed 17/04/2008)

MORELAND J P (2004) What is Truth and Why Does it Matter? [Webzine]

http://www.boundless.org/features/a0000911.html (accessed 22/04/2008)

ORWELL G (1949, 2000) Nineteen Eighty-Four

London: Penguin Books

POSTMAN N (1995) The End of Education

New York: Vintage Books

RUCKER R (2008) Fundamental Limits to Virtual Reality [blog]

http://www.rudyrucker.com/blog/2008/03/03/fundamental-limits-to-virtual-reality/ (accessed 23/04/2008)

WEBBER P (2003) Collins Essential English Dictionary

Glasgow: Harper Collins Publishers

I'm not who I was

Nor am I who I am.

Confused? I sure am, or am I?

How does one know when they have truly discovered themselves? The journey of discovery is most horrible, it's not easy. It takes time and much effort. When you feel like you are getting somewhere you uncover more things that make you question yourself.

I'm void and empty. I have little to say to anyone anymore....about anything.

It's been reflecting in my blog posts for quite sometime.

I'm completely frustrated in every which way......and I want out!

But there is

It's always there. It's always available to us.

We are so full of complete rubbish that we don't even realise it!!