If there is no such thing as knowledge and truth, then there is little need for education

That was the title of my philosophy essay which I spent the best part of the week doing, finishing etc etc. I got to a point where I had so much that I wanted to say that I ended up not writing enough, because had I started to go onto something else, I would have gone onto another tangent altogether, and gone way way over. There are a couple of dodgy bits where I simply had to do something to fit it into the next paragraph.....

I would like to thank the amazingness with all my heart, because if it weren't for the amazingness I would never have even had any interest in this is in the first place, and it would have proved very very difficult. In fact, something he quoted to me in a MSN conversation once a long time ago became very very fitting in the beginning that I had to use it. Felt a little on the cheeky side, but I'm sure he wont mind. I'll give him as much credit, if not more than myself, because like I said, if not for him, theer would have been no interest whatsoever in the subject. Also, he got me a book that helped me massively!! I've even been reading it properly since finishing my essay, because the bits that I flicked through were so good.....and it will help me with my dissertation too =)

So...on with the essay then..........

If There is No Such Thing as Knowledge and Truth,

Then There is Little Need for Education.

What is knowledge? What is truth? According to the [Collins Essential English] Dictionary (2003), knowledge is ‘1. the facts or experiences known by a person or group of people. 2. the state of knowing 3. specific information about a subject.’ (page u/n) The Dictionary’s definition of truth is ‘1. the quality of being true, genuine or factual […] 2. something that is true […] 3. a proven verified fact etc’. (page u/n) But is there really such thing?

In essence, evident from the above definitions, knowledge is the acquisition of facts; these facts may or may not have any truth in them at all. Facts are constructed of evidence, which can be, and often has been manipulated to quantify a point for the purpose of educating.

Taking the above into account, this study will reflect on the purpose of education, and whether or not the existence of man brings with it an existence of knowledge and truth. If man brings neither, then the foundation of everything is a lie, and therefore there is no point or need for education. Although it could be, and will be argued that even if everything man knows is based on a lie, as George Orwell wrote in his book Nineteen Eighty-Four “the lie passed into history and became truth” (page 37).

Perhaps when looking at education and man’s need for knowledge, is best to look at this with a more philosophical approach that the literal interpretation of knowledge and truth. Epistemology is the philosophical study of knowledge. Epistemology not only looks at so-called facts, but also questions how these facts are realized, or not as the case may be.

We know many things because science tells us that it is true. We know other things because religion tells us it is true. Some have faith in religion; others have faith in their ability to reason. Many people have learned to question things, and believe that there is more to know than what science and religion tell us. It is likely that what we do not know far outweighs what we know. Common sense helps us to understand many of the ideas and beliefs that we hold, but how much can science show us, and what can we comprehend? We tend to easily comprehend rational ideas, and we stick to the easiest explanation for this reason. It is unclear though as to weather the easiest explanation always contains truth and provides us with knowledge. (Curtis 2008)

For this reason education cannot solely be about passing on knowledge to children. It is uncertain what knowledge is. Knowledge is about creating moral beings, and giving them the opportunity to understand the world, rightly or wrongly, as we believe it to be. Should a teacher teach what we know, or what they feel they should teach? Teachers are unable to decide. Instead teacher teach what the “experts” tell them is correct.

Teachers like the vast majority of people have feelings and senses. The vast majority of people live their lives relying on their own minds and five sense abilities: sight, smell, hearing, taste and touch. But are they completely reliable? When we loose the capability of one sense, the remaining senses respond and alter to combat the loss. If we can loose a sense, we can also be tricked by our senses. Our brain is constantly working harmoniously with our senses to guide us. Even our senses can let us down on the occasion. A classic example of which is a stick dipped in water. The stick appears to bend as it enters but in fact it does not. We know it is not bent as we have the belief and experience of scientific fact. However this example proves that sight cannot be completely relied upon.

A common and rather popular game on the radio involves a recording of a sound, or voice, and listeners guess what the sound is, or whom the voice belongs to. All listeners hear exactly the same sound, but everyone experiences the sound differently. Therefore many different people playing the game will have a different interpretation of the sound, and there may be many guesses before the listeners give the correct answer. This is another example of how the senses can confuse.

Of course, the latter example does not solely test the sense. It also tests the memory. The memory is created from the art of experience. In every moment of life we are experiencing. Some experiences repeat, others do not, but all experiences lead to the individual’s truth. Once a sound is heard it is passed into the memory as an experience. Therefore the sound a radio listener hears by the sense of hearing triggers the memory of the experience of what they have heard before.

Memories and experiences are stored in the individual’s personal filing cabinet. The personal filing cabinet begins storing information from the very beginning. John Locke believed that we cannot have knowledge without experience. Our experience is limited and therefore knowledge is also limited.

A stereotypical apple appears to have a green or red skin on the outside. The inside is much lighter, with a tough core in the centre. Through the experience of eating the apple, we know that it’s juicy and sweet on the inside, and it is edible.

If an apple is left uneaten, over a period of time it changes. The skin turns a brownish colour inside and out, becomes very soft, and it has a bad smell about it. So how can it be an apple? It is no longer recognisable in any sense as an apple, and yet we recognise it as being one. It doesn’t look, smell, or taste the same, so we must have had the experience if the rotten apple to know what it is. If a person had not had experience of a rotten apple, would they know that this is what it is?

There is also however Carl Jung’s idea of the collective unconscious, which would suggest yes. The collective unconscious theory implies that each individual already has the knowledge and experience of everything that has been, and everything that is happening. As we do not recognise that we know everything already, education is a tool to trigger the memory of experience.

However, this raises questions over the content of our education. If there is such a collective unconscious, then why during schooling do most children not suddenly have revelations, and are suddenly flooded with a wealth of knowledge.

Children do not tend to question what they are taught in school. All evidence can be manipulated, and if a child is presented “facts” with evidence, manipulated or not, they will be embedded with false beliefs. Therefore they may be unable to gain access to the collective unconscious, especially if the two sets of knowledge conflict, and challenges the child’s perception of reality.

If the above were to be “true” then Plato’s cave theory is still rather relevant, although it may have changed somewhat. It would be relevant to today’s climate, but perhaps not how it was seen previously.

The soldier dragging the prisoner up the hill is often seen as the teacher. The prisoner is thought of as the child resisting knowledge. Maybe the knowledge that they are being given by the teacher in this case challenges the ideas of the collective unconscious that the child has access to before they are educated with false beliefs. The teacher of course eventually brings the child out of the cave.

If Plato’s theory is changed slightly, then the shadows on the wall in the cave are the collective unconscious, while above and beyond this is the individuals experience. Previously the shadows on the wall though are much more known of as a false reality. In this case, could it be that the teacher is the one producing the shadows on the wall for the prisoner to see? If this is the case then the prisoner follows many challenges along the way.

The prisoner’s own mind and hunger for knowledge and experience, through modern technology, could light the pathway out of the tunnel. ‘In this new world of pedagogical plenty, children and adults will be able to dial up a programme on their home television to learn whatever they want to know at their own convenience’ (Bruer 1993 as cited in Postman 1995). There are a huge amount of documentaries available on television now, and also the Internet is expanding at an alarming rate, allowing access to everyone all of the time, as Bruer acknowledges. In the case of ‘Little Eva’ a child not being able to sleep, ‘she can learn algebra instead’, or in the case of ‘Young John’ he could decide ‘to learn the history of modern Japan’. Through technology both Little Eva and Young John will have access to ‘the greatest authorities and teachers on the subject’. They will be able to learn independently, and be able to learn what interests them. They may also have access to the same piece of evidence interpreted in various different ways, and whilst perhaps not having complete knowledge (unless the memory and content of the collective unconscious is triggered) they will have a more informed belief system.

Many though will find their own journey a struggle, but there are now many more ways than ever before to gain experience. Taking the above into account, the only education a child really needs is the ability to read, write and do basic maths equations. Then as Rousseau believed education would be about educating an individual. As John Locke believed, education is about making children want to learn. So if children are given the tools and means to do so this will enable them to discover and experience for themselves. (Curtis 2007)

If this discovery is completely virtual, it raises the possibility of a somewhat virtual reality. If everything can be found and learned from a virtual learning centre, then is it possible that everything we perceive is programmed into a virtual reality? However, from the size of some virtual machines that only produce a small amount of a virtual world, it can be determined that it would need a very big computer system to produce the world and universe in it’s entirety. Replicating life as we know it seems like it is almost impossible. However, it could be said that if we were living in a virtual reality, or The Matrix, it is highly unlikely that “human kind” would be able to see it, or even know anything of it’s existence. Again allowing us to question our own knowledge.

If our perceived reality were only to be a virtual reality, would the virtual reality be purely experimental in order for some other being to see what they have created. Would they want to see what we would do if left to our own devices. Or would everything we see and do be controlled by this other being? Would there be a point to the exercise? It sounds inconceivable that we have been programmed into a virtual reality; there is a lot of detail in nature. Has it been created for our viewing pleasure? (Rucker 2008) This sounds rather pointless if life and reality is virtual and we have been born into it. We would know no different, and therefore only basics would need to be created.

The above is one of Descartes three rational doubts. Another of these rational doubts is that everybody creates their own reality. We are effectively nothing: non-existent, aside from a thought. It is only the awareness of our self that exists. Everything else is our imagination and the reality that we create for ourselves. As Descartes says ‘cognito ergo sum’ translated from Latin to English as meaning ‘I think therefore I am’. So we do exist on the level of thought. And perhaps on this thought level, we are freer to have beliefs, knowledge, and experience, than we are on a physical and five senses level.

A non-physical five-sense level is also available to us, and is not quite so limiting. The dream state. The dream state questions knowledge in a rather extreme way. Descartes believed that there is no distinct difference between dreams and our actual perceived reality. So it is actually possible that the dream could be the reality, and the reality the dream. It is impossible to know which is which, and therefore knowledge in general is very doubtful.

To acquire actual knowledge we must get things wrong in order to be able to get things right. Sceptics would point out that nothing is right everything is simply an opinion. We cannot know in the vast majority of cases that we have got something right, or wrong to prove otherwise. A sceptical approach is useful when deciphering what the true meaning of knowledge is, as it enables us to question, and go into more detail in the hope of discovering knowledge. If everything is broken down to its most basic level by the sceptic, then may we discover the truth, and gain knowledge.

There is a need for education, in the sense that it gives those who wish to a basis for which to begin they’re explorations. It gives others beliefs that they can build on as they gain more experience. Education is not just about schooling, education is a life-long journey of discovery. Education gives us the skills and the knowledge to accept or challenge what we are told, and thus the cycle continues.

In the life, believe, reality cycle, not all questions have simple answers. Some questions do not have any answers at all. We cannot know all there is to know, however, we also cannot know that we cannot know all there is. We cannot know that we know everything, and we cannot know that we know nothing. Human kind however is full of ideas, themes and beliefs, all of which are also following a journey. Key ideas may change over periods of time, and sometimes only very slightly. Whilst we develop these ideas further, we ourselves are developing further. We need to ask more questions, and answer those new questions with yet more questions, whilst still finding answers. The more we learn, the more we can learn, the more we can question, and the more fulfilled our knowledge will be; and so on and so forth.

REFERENCES

CARROLL R (2005) Collective Unconscious [web page]

http://www.skepdic.com/collectiveun.html (accessed 23/04/2008)

CURREN R (2007) Philosophy of Education

Singapore: Blackwell Publishing

CURTIS W (2007) Socratic Method of Enquiry and PLATO [Lecture]

De Montfort University

CURTIS W (2007) Rationalism and Empiricism [Lecture]

De Montfort University

CURTIS W (2008) Knowledge and Truth [Lecture]

De Montfort University

HAMM C (1989, 1991) Philosophical Issues in Education An Introduction

Basingstoke: The Falmer Press

KOHLI W (1995) Critical Conversations in Philosophy of Education

London: Routeledge

MORELAND J P (n/d) Epistemology and Skepticism [Recorded Lecture]

http://hisdefense.org/video/Moreland%20-%20Skepticism%20and%20Epistemology.wmv (accessed 17/04/2008)

MORELAND J P (2004) What is Truth and Why Does it Matter? [Webzine]

http://www.boundless.org/features/a0000911.html (accessed 22/04/2008)

ORWELL G (1949, 2000) Nineteen Eighty-Four

London: Penguin Books

POSTMAN N (1995) The End of Education

New York: Vintage Books

RUCKER R (2008) Fundamental Limits to Virtual Reality [blog]

http://www.rudyrucker.com/blog/2008/03/03/fundamental-limits-to-virtual-reality/ (accessed 23/04/2008)

WEBBER P (2003) Collins Essential English Dictionary

Glasgow: Harper Collins Publishers

I'm not who I was

Nor am I who I am.

Confused? I sure am, or am I?

How does one know when they have truly discovered themselves? The journey of discovery is most horrible, it's not easy. It takes time and much effort. When you feel like you are getting somewhere you uncover more things that make you question yourself.

I'm void and empty. I have little to say to anyone anymore....about anything.

It's been reflecting in my blog posts for quite sometime.

I'm completely frustrated in every which way......and I want out!

But there is

It's always there. It's always available to us.

We are so full of complete rubbish that we don't even realise it!!

Not enough space and no method

I began this post a few days ago...well I gave it a title anyway. The title was a line out of a dream I had, and as soon as it happened I just remember saying to myself I have to use that line when I wake up, and write something.

I had no idea what to write about though, and I was so determined to get cracking on my philosophy essay. So I abandoned my blog.

I think, well I know what I propose to continue with in this post.

Finding those all important words to say, and putting them together.

Time seems to limit everything. Time has consumed us, and as such, we no longer have a decent hold over our lives. Often sitting and feeling frustrated that so much time has passed, and yet we seem to have done nothing with this time. Time flies when you are having fun. Time also seems to fly (but not so obviously) when you want to get things done, but seem to be limited in some way.

Even when you know there are things you need to say to people, you are generally still limited by time. It only takes a matter of seconds on meeting someone for them to decide if they like you or not, and therefore you have to be fast in order to show your best sides. Or things in a relationship could be going slightly downhill, and you may only have a matter of seconds to say things that could make or break the relationship. If you cannot find the words in that small space of time, and you cannot find the way of putting them together, it could be all over.

So what do we do? We avoid things all together. Avoiding seems appropriate....until a little further down the line, when we realise that the fears we succumb to are nothing, nothing in comparison to what we could have done. People we could have saved. Issues we could address.

If only there was that space and method available to us at the moment it was needed.

Oh how I want to go away.....

Just for a little while. I'd love to go abroad for the summer. It would be amazing.....but where does one start when trying to find a job abroad. The Internet is a good resource, but I don't want to find something that means paying to get started, and I can't afford to do voluntary work. but I am going to keep looking over the next four weeks. I start my injections tomorrow, and hopefully in four weeks time I shall be ready for the trip to hospital.

I'd like a 3 month placement somewhere doing something a little out of the ordinary, that pays well enough for me to go to the US for two-three weeks in September. Where to start?!

A small tip

My parents went away for the weekend, and as it is customary to do I had a go at tidying on Monday morning, so it was all nice when they got back home. I am not a domestic goddess. I'm not at all tidy, and I find cleaning really rather boring.

However I gave it a go, I cleaned the kitchen first. I wiped the sides, emptied the dishwasher, filled the dishwasher, and went to put the dishwasher on. I searched through the cupboard for those all important dishwasher tablets, but couldn't find any. So in my wisdom, I saw the washing up liquid on the side, and figured that that did the same thing. Squirted a load in there and went about my business. On to the living room, getting the Hoover out and running around the living room sucking up everything around, and stuff and stuff. Then I waltz into the kitchen, Hoover in tow, and it was like an explosion of foam......all over the nice new wooden floor.

Dishwashers and washing up liquid just don't mix...don't try it, the outcome will be bleak!!

The family

So you've maybe read a few things about myself in here. How I've felt, what I've done, but I've not ever really given anyone an insight to my family. What goes on behind the scenes of the blog. So I thought I'd briefly just mention a few special people in my life, and give you a bit of background of who I am, and where I am coming from.

Most people, like myself, are a mixture of their parents personalities. But then this is because for your early years these are the people who have a fundamental impact on your life. These are the people that create you, and mold you and shape you. Every person is different, and every parent or set of parents has a different parenting style. Some smother, some let their children get on with things. There is no right or wrong way to bring up a child. At the end of the day it is whatever is instinctive to them. Many people will base the upbringing of their child on the upbringing of themselves. Others will realise that they hated the way their parents brought them up and try things a little differently.

Neith of my parents had what you might call an average childhood. Although in todays climate what an "avaerage childhood" is I don't know.

Mum
Mum's childhood was very different from my own. My mum (and uncle) were brought up by my Nan and my Grandad. Both of their parents worked when they were young, and for a long time my grandad was a bit of an alcoholic. Nan and Grandad worked to pay for his drinking habit along side the usual mixture of food and bills. My grandad though worried about things a lot, my nan was the more relaxed one. Of course the situation mum found herself in as a child has had an impact on her today. What saddens me is that she doesn't seem to have all that many happy memories from her childhood.

While Mum met Dad at quite an early age, it's clear that her childhood has had a profound effect on her today. My mum nowadays is a worry wart. She worries so much about everything, and while I find this incredibly annoying, I do feel sorry for her. There are so many things that Mum has missed out on because she is afraid. She is incredibly lacking in self-confidence, and yet if she were to let go just a little bit she's realise that there is so much more to her than she knows. I don't suppose mum would ever be brave enough to discover the route of her problems, but if she did I'd do my best to help.

For now though, she's happy with her material world, and I shan't knock it. She lives for decorating it seems. She's far more interested in the house than much of anything else. Although she's a cracking painter, and very creative, and there are some lovely pieces of artwork in the house that she has created.

This is another area where she is lacking in self-confidence. In this respect she is no different to anyone else. Most people do not believe that the masterpieces they create are up to much. This is because of the ego. And masterpieces can be anything from art to written work to speeches. Absolutely anything.

Mum has done the best she can for me, and although I rarely show it, I am very appreciative of everything she's done and everything she's helped me with in her own mummy type way. She's done everything she can for me, the best way that she knows how. And even though I'm not interested in hearing her nag nag nag, and am not her, I am like her in a lot of ways.

First and formost, she likes the finer things in life, and it has to be said that so do I. Although I am nowhere near as fussy as she is on most things, there are a number of things that I am fussy with. I'm not fussy on food as such, not the taste of anything, but I am fussy on the quality. I can't stand Tesco Value, or Asda Price things, because I am not interested in the cheapest of the cheap. Yet I will shop in Aldi quite happily; because it's cheap, and I don't feel like I am buying any old rubbish. Actually I have mum to thank for that because a few years ago she did shop at Aldi quite regularly. While Mum would take a 5 star hotel over a 3 star any day, I will quite happily camp. Although, when I camp I would like a good quality tent, and sleeping bag. Not just something dirt cheap out of Argos. I'm not that good at being a student. I'd rather spend the little bit extra on most items for a bit better quality, and a more luxurious (if there is such thing) living.

My biggest quabble about my mum is her inability to cope. She doesn't work, and has not really worked since my brother was born, and yet there are not enough hours in the day for her. Hoovering three times, tidying first thing in the morning and then a few more times during the course of the day, and then she wonders where the time went. She's not got confidence, and she's not built for doing too much because she gets stressed quite easily. I do not help. In fact I more than likely contribute to her stress, but I know that there will come a time when she will have no choice but to cope. And I have found over the last couple of years that if you try to help someone, it will backfire on.....them. The only person who can deal with anything really is oneself. If people help you, you begin to rely on that help, and when it is gone....all hell breaks loose.

Dad
Well, Dad......again he didn't have a typical childhood. He had lost both parents by time he was 16, and was brought up after that by one of his sisters. It seems that he jumped into marriage quite early on, and had been married and separated by time he met my mum. I suppose my dad had to grow up rather quickly in order to support himself, and coping emotionally with what he did must have been pretty tough. I am sure though that his parents would be proud of him now if they knew what he was doing, and could see everything that he has achieved.

Dad is the more laid back one of the two. In fact he was described by his friend today as horizontal. I often wonder how he manages with mum. I know I can't sometimes. She is a little bit too much for me. But Dad is very laid back, and lets most things go over the top of his head. He gets a bit on the frustrated side sometimes, but it doesn't often last. And I do admire the way he does just let everything go over his head. In fact I admire most things about my dad. He works so hard, very very hard. For the past year he has driven to London and back almost every working day. It's a long boring drive, and yet he does it for us. Dad goes to work purely to keep things ticking along. If it wasn't for dad doing his job, we wouldn't have a nice house. We wouldn't be able to do so much of what we do do. And I don't think Mum would cope with life as well as she manages to do with no so nice surroundings. This is not mums fault, it's just how things have turned out. Dad, alongside Nan is her rock, and she wouldn't be her without them. Maybe she's be stronger, maybe weaker, I don't know. She's got a lot of qualities, a lot of them she doesn't even realise. It's why I get so frustrated with her, because she never seems to fulfill her potential.

Back to Dad then, I don't know how he does it. I really don't. I don't like work. And it's not because I am lazy (although I am) it's because I cannot stand the day in, day out mundane routine, and monotony of working. It is however a necessary evil, and dad seems to manage it rather well. There have been times though when you can see that Dad is struggling a little, and some days I've really wanted to swallow my pride and just get up and go to work for him. Purely so he gets a break, and knows that the work wouldn't simply pile up. I don;t think he has an easy job either. He says it is, but it's well paid, and there is generally a reason why jobs are well paid.

Mum and I often joke about Dad being a miserable sod, but really he isn't. Dad does a lot of hard work, he does a lot of commuting, and doesn't generally get a lot of time for himself. One of us is always wanting something from him, if work doesn't, and for this reason he is a remarkable chap, and I do look up to him. In some ways I wish he'd been able to have a better childhood, and grow up at a more leisurely pace.

The hardest thing when it comes to my parents in general is that all three of us have had such different lives. Mine has been so different from my parents in fact that they are unable to understand how I am like I am, and I am unable to understand their view on things. I never had to grow up quickly. My life so far has not been disrupted by bad circumstances in any way, and yet it's never seemed fulfilled. I've got everything I've ever wanted. I've got no responsibilities, and on the most part everything is pretty plain sailing, but I am not whre I want to be. I don't really know where it is that I do want to be. I know it's not here, and it's not now.

My brother
I dote on my little brother, as do my parents. He's lucky in a way. Elliot, unlike me, will do anything for an easy life, so he'll just float along keeping people happy, and manages to somehow create a good balance between doing that and having his own mind and his own life. I prefer to have my own mind and my own life, but without the easy part.

He's 7 years younger than me, and he knows that I'm here for him whatever. There are of course many things that a young man wouldn't want to speak to his parents about. There are also things that he doesn't want to talk to any of us about, like your typical teenage boy, but he knows that I will do anything for him if ever he needs it.

He is the blue-eyed boy in the family, and why not? Why shouldn't he be. He's easy enough to deal with. Puts effort into his school work, and is bloody good at it too. Boys are easier than girls, and Ells is a classic example.

I remember when he was really little. He wont remember, but when he was and I used to get upset about something I'd always turn to him. He was only very young, probably 5 or 6, but at times when I was crying my eyes out unbeknown to anyone else, I'd drag him into my room, and he'd just sit with me. Haha, he never really know what to do either, but he was good. And still is. I think if I did need someone to talk to at any point he's still sit and listen.

He's clever and talented, and I believe that he will go far. He'll do very well for himself, and I'd happily let him come stay with me for a holiday when I go overseas. If he wants to.

I think he's a bit odd, but then boys generally are a bit foreign to me, and Ells is a teenage one too. He's a fantastic kid, and a brilliant brother too......obviously I am biased, but he's the best!!

Nan
Nan is fab too. She's pretty cool calm and collected. She thinks I am a bit odd, but then most people do. I do believe that she is a closet philosopher. She's pretty level headed, and keeps my mum sane. I think she's fab. She tries to give me tips on how to keep my mum happy, but I have too much pride to listen.



SO that's my family. I don't understand them, they don't understand me....and together we are on happy dysfunctional family. There are many more member that I'd give a mention to, really just my Gt Grandad and my Uncle, but I think this is enough for no

Thanks!

The night sky...

Is really rather beautiful dont you think? Perhaps you've never really bothered to look. To be honest, I don't think I had until just over a year ago. Why would you? It's just a load of darkness with the occasional little sparkle.

But it's the night sky that holds so much in it. It's full of beauty, delight and wonder. And I have to say I could now spend hours just watching the stars twinkle away. It's just full of magic.

Each star is different to the next. Some appear brighter than others, others you can only see while looking at a brighter star, it's truly fascinating. There is nothing like a clear night in which to lay and look out at the stars.

In my opinion there are no real words to describe it. For it's when you look out and appreciate the beauty of such things that you realise how wonderful things really are. Everything is wonderful.

Life is what you make it it has to be said. But beauty is in everything and everyone in some form. Every one of us has the opportunity to see and soak up beauty. It's a shame that there is barely anything anyone can do to encourage others to take a look every so often.

Appearances can be deceiving. When you look into the sky, and watch the stars you'd think that everything out there was so peaceful and lovely...but in reality, outer space is a clever reflection of what is going on inside your head.

Generally people have this front when you first meet them, they are seemingly nice. In general, people are not. This is because people shy away from things that they deem bad inside themselves. And inside their minds there are explosive things happening, destroying and creating. Much like space. It's looks peaceful, but there is constant destruction and constant creation. It's really rather wonderful. When you next watch a programme on space, just think for a few moments about the inside of your mind. You will see.

The beauty of people, and the beauty of space is much the same. You just need to look at these things in a slightly different way.

Living in the corporate fog.

Is it any wonder we are all completely mashed up. Constantly bombarded by all these corporate companies telling you to buy their product, eat their food, read their stuff. Corporate silly bods are everywhere, they employ lots of people that get treated like sh!t, and pay ridiculously low wages for doing a sh!tty job.

Nothing disturbed me more about corporate people and places than last night did.

I went to the football with my dad. I was rather excited as I've not been to the football for a good few years, and I've not really spend any length of time with my dad at any point. So I get my Chelsea shirt on, and get dad to wear his. I wait for Dad's mate to appear and drive, and as I as waiting I decided to put a t-shirt on underneath in case it was a little nippy when we got there.

All was fine and dandy, trip was good, a bit of a laugh, talking about buildings taking off (no, I didn't know what they were on about either) listening to holiday stories, and events that people can only laugh about. It was alright. I somehow managed to come up with a plan to all go by bus to the last game of the season. Which I am going to with dads mates......but not dad......

Anyway, I get there, and Dad & I go our separate ways, because we have to meet a bloke in the Hotel reception. So here comes this directing manager, loud and scruffy, a bit of a jack the lad as dad puts it, but who cares, he's giving us tickets. And then a colleague of dad appears with his son, who is autistic, but very very sweet. Loves football, and we found out that there is nothing he doesn't know about all the kings and queens. Anyway, he was eager to see the pitch and the players warming up, so they went straight on to the Speedie entrance.....and after finishing our drinks we followed along too.

So we go along to the not very quick Speedie entrance, and as we are about to walk in, some lady grabs us, asks to see our tickets, and then informs us that she can't let us in. We were about to go into a corporate area, and therefore Chelsea tops were not allowed.

I'm sorry, what?!

We had to remove our Chelsea tops before we were allowed any further. I wasn't aware that a corporate area at a football ground had a dress code that didn't allow football shirts of the team you are going along to support. There was also an issue with me wearing trainers and god knows what else was wrong with my clothing. Luckily I had a t-shirt on underneath, or it could have been a trip to London for nothing.

But really the cheek of it. I can't complain in some ways, I was subjected to the harsh reality of an all you can eat buffet before the game, and cakes galore at half time, and cushioned seats while watching the game outside with heaters beaming down on us all.

I can however complain in other ways. First and foremost, this is Stamford Bridge, the home of Chelsea FC, and it's a match day. Look around the whole ground. Everyone (pretty much) is wearing Chelsea shirts. The thing with these corporate places is that, in most cases, it's full of rich managing directors who are "entertaining" clients in the hope of a good deal. It's all about money really. So you end up sat with a whole host of toffee nosed wankers, who don't even support the team that you are there to watch. And that really pisses me off.

It has to be said that while in other parts of the ground fans were singing away, having a laugh and a joke, I was sat with a whole load of serious people who probably had no interest in the game anyway.....due to money money money on the brain.

The other disappointment of the day was the score. A 1-1 draw. We played Wigan, we didn't play to a very high standard, but we should have won. There are problems with Chelsea, big problems, we just aren't good enough anymore. We have lost and spark and flare we once had a few seasons ago, and that to me is painful. Man Utd will win this years premiership, and deservedly so. Chelsea of late have just been, quite frankly, boring!

I did put my shirt on in the toilets for the second half.....by which time I could no longer give a toss whether I was sat with the corporates or a bunch of football hooligans!!

Now here's the thing....

I hear things. I hear voices. Yes they are inside my head. Yes, I know, it's a little strange.

I've noticed this getting stronger and stronger recently. I think they must be getting louder or more frequent because I've not slept at all well of late. Maybe I'm supposed to actually listen to the words I hear and do something. I am not sure.

Since I can remember, I have seen things while I've been laying, drifting off to sleep. And it's not just normal things, it's all sorts of things. sometimes lots, and sometimes not. The other day I had been trying to get to sleep for a fair amount of time and nothing as happening. And then things just appeared in front of me. Nothing scary, just shapes and things moving around, doing their thing. I know many people see things as they are going off to sleep. My mum sees faces, and then she knows she's about to get to sleep. My great grandfather sees people at night.

I see all manner of things. I've even looked out my window whilst laying in bed and seen a wolf in the sky. I looked away a few times, and looked back and it was still there. Is it my imagination? Is it something more? I think it has to be something more.

Recently I've been more aware of me hearing things while I've been going to sleep. And I've heard some really interesting things. They are definitely voices and not just thoughts in my head. They have all manner of different voices. Male, female, voices I recognise, voices I don't. I'm sure I should be writing thses things down. Remembering them somehow, the mind is wiling, the body just isn't.

My dreams have disturbed me somewhat of late too. And I wake up and wriggle around so much. I remember mostly nothing. The occasional snippet, but what is it that's keeping me awake at night, and when I do sleep, wakes me up?

Of course it's my other bit rumbling around inside me, telling me to listen. Listen hard and listen good. If only I knew what it all meant. I suppose the trick is to just listen. I have decided to sleep with my little light on now. I have a pad on my bed, and a pen, and so I can make notes if I wake up at silly hours. I can also jot things that I hear down before I fall asleep. Even if I do it with my eyes shut.

If I manage to work out what any hidden messages are at all I shall of course put them here.

What is god?

Notice the question is what, and not who. I do not now, and never have believed that god is a who. God to me is an it. And I have frequently said that god is something more powerful that our minds can comprehend. It's a force.

God is contained withing everybody. everybody possesses god, everyone can be god, and everyone can be one with god. The trick is to believe it. I know it' hard. It goes against everything you've ever known. That's why a while back I said to forget everything you ever knew.

Over the past year I have questioned many things. I've gone over the easy stuff. The nicer stuff. The amazingness taught me a lot more than I actually know. Some of the stuff that he taught my mind simply couldn't get it's head around, and so in a sense it went in one ear and out the other. But actually it didn't. Each little bit of info that I seemingly have forgotten has been stored somewhere, and is simply waiting for a chance to come out again.

My drama teacher at school said I had a special talent. I remembered lines and recited them a fair few times. But he told me I wasn't like most people who remember lines. He said it's like I store them far away, and they get triggered to the front of my mind effortlessly when I need them to. And in a sense this is what has happened to me on the most part throughout my life. I've taken things in, and they seemingly go in one ear, out the other and whoosh. But for some reason I retain the majority of things that I need to know. And when I need them they generally come back to me. I'm not saying it happens with everything, but dejavu happens rather frequently.

Anyway, what evidence do I have that god is a force? Or that god is in me, you, anyone?

I don't. What evidence other then the bible is there that there was a god in the first place? Well I suppose there's most likely more than what I have to support my claim. My claim is based only on my thoughts about things, and most of these thoughts have come to mind after having spoken to the amazingness. The amazingness in case you haven't gathered is very knowledgeable.

I believe that the bible is symbolic. It's just one big metaphor, but it has been used to spread a lie. To control, to overpower...everything. Everything bad in this world seems to have come from "God" who performs all these so-called miracles in people's lives. Is it not possible that people can do things themselves? That anything a person has achieved through hard work cannot just be their hard work? It's always a work of God. God did this, God did that....did "he"? No! God did nothing. You did it. you did it all, because you are God.

Now my argument may sound a little self defeating, but it isn't. God isn't this powerful man in the sky that might occasionally help you out if you ask nicely. God is within you, follows and performs you every move, every action, and every reaction. Why can't people learn to take credit for the things they do? "Thank you god" is often said when something good happens. These people though are thanking something they believe to be living in the clouds watching over them. Instead they should be congratulating themselves. The god inside does not need a thanks. It doesn't need thanks because it knows how you feel. It knows that you thank it, and that it has performed well. It knows, you know, it is you.

This is why it's a force that most cannot comprehend. Most do not believe in themselves. But believe in God. It's tragic, and it's one of the reasons that there are so many miserable people living on this little planet. People all over the place are repressing themselves without even knowing it. Is it any wonder that people are filled with egos that like to feel sorry for themselves. You are believing in something that's inside you, and yet not recognising that it's you you should be believing in. This is partly how the ego came about. How we have ended up with a spirit and an ego. There isn't really room for both. The ego is the devil in you. It's what holds you back. Keeps you stuck on red...occasionally having a play and letting you get to amber. It's the spirit, GOD, that lets you get to green. It seems to me that more people believe in the devil than anything by not giving themselves a chance.

The more you believe in yourself instead of a metaphor the more you will be able to achieve. Give yourself more recognition and more credit. It can be done easily if you try hard enough.

I've not had a clue what's been going on over the past 18 months. In fact I've not really had a clue for a few years. I still don't. I am learning though. At least giving this learning thing a go. And I'm not letting myself get bogged down with everyday grime.

Read the bible. Please tell me how any part can be true. So much contradicts too, but nobody ever seems to notice. It's symbolic. It's a metaphor. Learn how to read it properly, and then believe in yourself. PLEASE

Runner beans

Did you ever do that experiment at school? The one where you grow the runner bean in a glass with wet cotton wall. After a few days a shoot would appear. The shoot would always grow "towards the sun" so if you turned the runner bean over, and the shoot was facing downwards, the shoot would grow around the seed, and back upwards again. And you could keep turning it, and it would spiral, but would always grow in whichever direction the sun was.

The vast majority of plants grow towards the sun. In fact I think they all do. Generally plants start underground and work their way up above ground. I suppose, so plants the sun, which gives them energy is their God. It's always like they are striving to reach it. To be noticed. To get there first.

We are of course all stars. I think we forget that. Does a plant ever think about it? Ever think what the meaning of life is? I think the life of a plant would be far more difficult than we imagine. Just like we can't choose our relations, they will always be related whether we want them to be or not, a plant generally doesn't get a say in where it is going to grow. It all depends on the planting of the seed. A plant doesn't have freedom to roam, it can't walk around and look for shelter or for food if there is non left in the soil. It has to hope that it will rain before long to give it much needed energy.

Having said that, I am unsure as to whether a plant thinks, it might do. I don't know if plants communicate, they might not have to deal with a whole lot of rubbish from other plants trying to steal their patch of land. I'm not a plant, I don't know how it feels to be a plant. To be grown to look pretty, and then chopped up to be given as a present.

What I was initially thinking is that they grow towards the sun. And each plant is just as beautiful as the next. We can appreciate plants, lots of different looking, shapes, sizes and colours...but yet, we can't appreciate the person sitting next to us because they are different. A plant is still a plant, a person is still a person.

No matter what each individual believes they have a right to believe that. They have the right to have feelings and fears and hopes about things. They have a right to be treated with as much respect as the next person. We all receive energy from ultimately the same place, and we all started off in the same way. We all started from a little bit of star dust.

We are all unique, while at the same time not. We are all different but also the same. We are collectively the human race, so why can't we all be humane? Why do we have to point out faults, bit moan and hate? Maybe plants do it? Nobody knows, but generally it doesn't seem that way. I jsut wish to know why we can't appreciate others the same way as we appreciate pretty things.

Complaints.....

Now then, a couple of days ago I had a complaint. A COMPLAINT!! So I am apologising right now that my blog has been a bit.....well, shall we say a bit tedious and boring of late. I've been a little on the miserable and tired side of life, with nothing in me except misery and lonliness, and that seems to have reflected in my waffles. However, I shall ensure that the juicy stuff begins to flow again.....from.....TODAY!!

Do No Harm

Okay, so the link to the Do No Harm site has been sat in my web links for quite some time now.

I just wanted to mention it properly in it's own blog. Because it's a very very good idea, and a fantastic message to spread throughout humanity.

This is what the website reads:

We seem to be living in a world that is getting less hospitable every day. Look closely at any endeavor our species has engaged in and it appears we are unaware of the harm we do, we ignore the harm we do, we intentionally do harm for our own gain, or sadly in some cases we do harm for our own pleasure and enjoyment.

Has no one taught us to do no harm?

If we haven't been taught to do no harm, we see no harm in doing harm. We cause harm and shrug it off. We cause harm and laugh about it. We cause harm and brag about it.

Sadder still, our children bear witness to our actions and never learn to do no harm themselves. Above all else we must teach our children, by example and instruction, this basic moral principle of life.

We must begin to make better choices and treat each other, the other creatures who share this planet with us, and this planet we call home with greater respect and compassion.

We believe that the first and most basic moral law is, "Do no harm." Because we can feel pain and suffering, we can imagine the pain and suffering of others, and we can act accordingly to minimize the harm we cause.

What does "do no harm" mean? Ultimately it means to give thoughtful consideration to our actions. “Do no harm” simply means to consider how our actions may affect the world we all share, to be compassionate in our dealings with all creatures, and not to thoughtlessly despoil our planet.

Doctors are asked to “first do no harm,” why not lawyers, businessmen, religious leaders and politicians? Why not us? Why not now?

It sounds like a simple idea because it is a simple idea, but it may be effective over the long run. Will “do no harm” solve all the problems in our world? Perhaps not, but this is an effort to decrease the suffering in the world and to increase the kindness.

We hope that “do no harm” becomes that little voice that guides our actions.

And we hope you will join us and spread the message "Do no harm."

Show everyone you care and use “Do no harm” to sign-off in your correspondence in place of "Best Wishes", "Yours" or "Regards."

That's the idea in a nutshell....if we all had a little ore passion for compassion then we'd be able to Do No Harm without even thinking about it. Where did human nature go so wrong? What made us think we were so brilliant, and fantastic, and better than anything and everything else.

When you think of the world, we are nothing. We are nothing in comparison to things such as nature. Especially in the Western world. There is something far more spiritual in the Eastern world, but in many parts it's till full of humans that think they are fantastic. We aren't.

When you look at animals, we have hunted them for years. And yet many species still survive. It's a wonder at the rate we humans work that there are any animals left...except of course the ones we breed ourselves to munch on later.

Now then, there's been a lot on the news recently, especially in my area, about farmers who can no longer afford to rear pigs. Is it any wonder? Is this not the worlds way of getting back at us. How can a farmer possibly eat an animal that they have reared?

Anyway, this is not about vegetarianism. This is about people thinking they are everything. Nature is clever. People are not. People are spoon fed, people are horrible, and people are just people. Nothing any more special than any gust of wind, plant or creature.

Please please do not hurt another's feelings. It wont get you anywhere. Not now, not ever. Just be nice as you can. Do one thing everyday that scares you. Do one good deed everyday for whoever you shall meet!! x x x

Never give up.....

On your dreams and desires. If you want them, keep chugging along. Keep going through all the hurt, pain and torment. And when you feel that you can't possibly go anymore, keep going anyway.

The way I see it there are those that do nothing. Those that give it a go. Those that FIGHT.

It's only those that fight that get to where they want to be. Of course the fight has got to be a fair one. No trampling on anyones toes trying to get to the top. It's just not good for anyone, not even you. No. I am a firm believer in the Do No Harm outlook. The idea is simply to do no harm.

When I say fight, what I mean is fight the urge within you to simply give up when things get a little tough. A few days ago giving up was all I wanted to do. But I know I can't. I can't give up on anything, because if I were to give up at this moment in time, I would simply end up with nothing. Nothing at all.

I have this feeling that if I can fight, if I can get somewhere against all the odds, then it can inspire other people who feel down to keep going. And if one person is inspired to fight by another, then so be it. Then the world can be so much better.

There are things I want to do at the moment. Things I want to say. Apologies to spread, and thanks too. There are people I want out of my life completely, and people I never want to leave my life. Some people are a burden. They are those pretend friends that are around when they want something from you, and only then. And the world is full of pretend friends. If you find a real one, give yourself a pat on the back!! It's real friends that give you strength. Real friends that inspire. And real friends don't always seem to be conventional friends...but you know they are real. They are the most important people that will ever walk into your life, and hopefully will never go back out the door.

I was speak to a random person last night I happened to stumble accross through the means of the Internet. He moved away from his hometown. It was at this time when he found out who his real friends were. He said that once he had gone he called his "friends" three times. If none of them got back to him he simply deleted and discarded their numbers. Only one or two ever came back to him, that's how he knows.

Back to my point. Those that do nothing are those that think. Those that think about what they want to do. Those who come up with all the ideas. Those who have intentions, and the intention is as far as they get. There are those that try. Those that have their intention, and set about their intentions, but come accross a stumbling block and stop. There are those who fight, who simply keep going and going and going. Red, Amber, Green.

I've certainly been a red, almost always have sat on amber, but I believe that I will find the fight inside very soon to go green against all the odds. And I'm not talking about environmental issues.

Good times await past every hurdle. There is so much to be gained, and yet if you give up, you can only gain nothing.

That's my outlook today, and I will be sticking with it for a very very long time!!

Could this be true?

Could the most evil thing to roam the earth possibly be the feeling of hope?

The only thing I can really see that it does is prolong the agony of something. I wish to never hope again. Instead if I have a gut feeling that something can go well, I shall believe that it will. Not hope....BELIEVE

Believing is so much stronger than hope. Hope in my mind has some element of doubt to it. Belief doesn't it. If you believe something you believe it, and you will believe it until it is proven that your belief is false. You may think they are the same thing, but I don't think they are. Hope can be easily knocked off the post and lost...Belief will only leave when it goes. It wont come easy, it will be harder to shift, but so much more worthwhile!!

Of course believing is harder to do than hoping, but when you can crack it, oh yes, it's so very much more worthwhile.

I do believe that I just said the same thing twice. Gives it more emphasis this way!!!

So...........GOOD LUCK!!

Thank you thank you

This is a thanks to whoever left a comment on my previous entry. Whoever you are, and however you stumbled across my blog, I appreciate you taking the time to send me such a message. It has really lifted my spirits, which was much needed this evening.

Thanks!!

Oh gosh, is this what I've come to.....

For the last couple of weeks I've been relatively miserable. Not in a really terrible way, just in a sense that something is missing terribly from my life. It's not a what though.....it's a who.

I know it sounds ridiculous, but for the past at least 10 days, all I seem to have done is sat at the laptop and periodically clicked on the "reload live bookmark" button, just to see if a certain someone has posted any new bulletins. Just really to get an inkling of that person in my life. True I have called a couple of times, and we have spoken, but I find it hard to know what to say. I think the worst part is feeling that I should have so much to say, but never really having the courage to say anything. It's not liking picking things back up with an old friend (which I am finding increasingly difficult anyway), it's like a horrible longing for the right words to come along, and to suddenly be in deep conversation and be able to talk for hours.

Not only that, but this someone has been through an awful lot since day one. None of which, no matter what they have done, was deserved. Nobody deserves to be and feel what they have done. More than anything I want to be able to give this person back exactly what they have given me. A new view of the world, and a new outlook on others.

While a lot of people who have entered my life have been a continual disappointment, there are a slight few that haven't. A very very slight few. In fact, I think only three or four, one of which is them. Trouble is, while they haven't been a continued disappointment.......well I've not exactly shown my best side to them. How can I expect someone to be at their best, when I am not showing myself at my best? Thing is, mostly they have been. And there have been days when some slightly harsh words have been spoken between us, but I know in my heart somewhere along the lines it's just because they/I care.

I've never been in this deep with anything or anyone. Or longed, rightly or wrongly, to be around someone so much, and yet not known how to deal with it. So I've done all I know how, and that's read what they have to say and on the occasion left a comment. Just sitting and waiting for something else to read, so can use my imagination for a few moments, and just feel like they are talking to me, as often has done before.

This feeling, this awful sense of void, nothing, love and grief, emptiness, frustration, longing, and even happiness I feel is tearing me apart. It's complete nonsense really, and yet so overwhelming. Emotions can be that though can't they. They can be overwhelming. And no matter how many times I tell myself they aren't real, they are a figment of my imagination, it's all in my head, and one person does not require to have all these crazy feelings in association with another......It's that poxy ego that ruins everything.

It was a while ago that they told me they were broken. I said "no, you're not broken, you are just temporarily unfixed". What on earth is temporarily unfixed. How stupid a comment was it. I was trying to be helpful, and supportive, but without really doing anything much. Of course broken is broken. I figured temporarily unfixed was with a view to actually being fixed. Well broken things get mended. Broken is broken. Either way it can be dealt with.

The thing I long for most, I really really long for, is just a chance to hold that someone in my arms and just say thank you. I've said it a lot, but thank you never really seems to me to be enough. I want to do something incredibly extravagant I suppose, and just want them to know how it is that I feel about them, and what they have done for me. Even if the feeling is not reciprocated, it doesn't matter.

Thing is at the moment I cannot bare to see them, whilst longing to do so. I'm a bit on the emotional on-the-edge side. One moment I'm happy, the next incredibly sad. I can't even really bring myself to speak to them on MSN, when that's the easier way to communicate.

I suppose I am writing this with a view to them maybe having a glance, but I don't really want this to be th way that my feelings are shown to someone. I'll make gestures and stuff and do things but gosh. Even little things that I have done, or tried to do, to me just don't really cut it. When I said to them "I love you" I truly whole-heartedly meant it. They do in fact mean the world to me, and so much more. In fact I shall try to put it in this way. If we were both in a multi-storey building, and I was at the bottom, and they were at the top....If the building were on fire, or going to collapse, I'd rather not just simply run out of the building, I would in fact prefer to go to the top to be with them at the end, or at least die trying.

If I sound incredibly mental for thinking of doing such a thing, well then I am. I am, and I'm proud of it. Being mental isn't generally something to be proud of is it. But What really is a definition of mental. And in fact could you be mental? And more over, everyone is mental in their own right, so therefore who is anyone to judge my mentalness.

By the way, at the time of writing this, this was their latest blog post...Mother.

This person has such an amazing bond with his family it's uncanny. And when one walks into their house you can feel this weird lovely warmth all around. I shant say much more about the family, just know that I wish my family was like this one. By the way, their sister is included in my three or four. And yes she is special, and very hard-working, while at the same time very loving, caring, and everything a mummy should be. I'm not saying that mine isn't. I do love her, but she is very different from me, she's very uptight, and can't cope with much, worries even more than I do about everything, and is very much too much for me.

This is besides the point. I have digressed from my ramble. I expect if anyone is reading this, you are in fact very bored now, and probably were before I'd even started. I am not in a healthy frame of mind at the moment, and I find it increasingly more difficult to keep picking myself back up off the floor. Well really I can be so low that really I should say Earth's core...if it does actually have one.

I've been writing over an hour. I've smiled, and I've cried. My only little escape from this whole thing is sleep. I can't read anything, it all goes back to them...even the book I am reading, I read little bits, and I think, oh that's what they said, and reading beyond that point is useless as they are forefront on my mind, and I have no idea what I have read.

I'm not depressed, in essence I just miss them terribly, and yet am petrified of what will happen when I get the chance to see them...even just communicate a little. It's bizarre. It's horrible. I've had butterflies for days. Everytime I look at my phone I feel sick. Everytime someone signs into messenger I feel sick, and everytime I refresh their blog I feel sick. My belly just seems to be churning around in circles.

Please be advised that I only think of this person very highly, and will never have a bad word said about them. So if you want to say something, you can, just make sure it's nice. A bad thought about someone will come back and bite you on the bum.

Do I have anymore to say on the matter. Oh how I wasn't so confused.

It's like something I have read that someone else has written.....

Isn't it ironic that the one person who gives you strength and courage is your one weakness.

It's not ironic, I think it's an unwritten law personally, as in almost every case where strong emotions are involved............

This is what I deserve....

I suppose, if this is the collective unconscious, well it just could transpire that it will go a lot further than being sat in a notepad in my bedroom for my eyes only. I suppose in one way it should be for my eyes only....afterall, these are my wishes. But why not share these with others? Afterall, someone might see, and think to themselves that maybe they might like that too.

So here is my list. Only 5 or 6 things......in no particular order...........

A fun and enjoyable job for this summer...

Finish uni with a first level degree...

A relationship, a proper one...

To travel lots and lots and keep travelling

Enough money to live comfortably

And finally, some acknowledgment that someone somewhere is reading my blog.



That's it. If I were to get those I'd be very happy indeed. And I do deserve to be happy. I deserve nice things. I've been miserable for years, and it's about time I did something, and had something to really really smile hard about.


The trick is to believe it, and knock my ego into shape. Bloody thing......

I refer you...

... to a previous blog post, he who analyses too much misses the point.

Now then, back in September I would say yes, if you analyse everything, you will find that there is more to everything than you think and you are not going to like what you find. Or you will miss the point of what you are reading, watching, listening to. Mum had mentioned this to me while I was talking about happiness. I was telling her that you can't be truly happy unless you have been really really low, suffered that kind of thing. Which the amazingness had mentioned to me early on in our intertwingled lives.

I was thinking about hope. I wondered if I would in fact ruin it by really delving into the word and the thought. Who knows. I'll probably do it though. I found out last night that some things should be analysed. Some things, when analysed make more sense than if they are just taken at face value.

I am reading a book at the moment (yes, it's a surprise to me too) called The Moses Code. I do not know what possessed me to buy it, I just did. I don't even know how I came accross it, but before I knew it I was on amazon buying it. It claims itself to be "The most powerful manifestation tool in the history of the world". Now I don't wish to turn all magical, and simply get everything I ever wanted on a plate. I do wish to work a little to achieve some stuff. I do not wish to posses people either. I know what I want....I made a list of five things that I really really want. The list at this moment in time is not important. Nor is the fact that it's a book of manifestation. I was talking about analysis.

The writer, James F. Twyman, starts the book by going into detail about the story of Moses. Really analysing it, he goes quite in depth. And you know, there is a lot of stuff that I've never been able to pull apart before, because I wouldn't know where to start myself. No doubt I'd pull it about all wrongly. But now I've sat and I've seen how someone else does it, I think to myself, yes I can do that. It's actually really rather simple.

Analysing and interpreting, well this can lead to knowledge, and of course this leads to power. The amazingness has said so plenty of times. I knew he was right from the beginning....theres just some small part of my mind, somewhere alongside that ego that thinks I am worthless, that is always saying no. I'd love to shut my ego up. Because it doesn't believe in me. I am worthy, I deserve to have a moment to use my brain, I deserve to be happy, and mostly I deserve to be free.

Sweet wrappers

How often is it that you actually even think to look at the inside of a wrapper, since those Treo days when they had games and things on the inside.

Well today I did just that. I bought a bar of galaxy, and the inside caught my eye.

This is what it said.......

Falling into that beautiful thing called Love
(Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love.)

ATTRACTION, FLIRTATION, EUPHORIA, DOUBT, THE TRUTH (The longer the better)

... And so you dance around it. You draw it out. You tease towards love.

This is pure physical poetry. It's the thrill of communicating by give and take, the simple charm of tugging at another heart and waiting (hoping) for a response.

It's the improbably joyus celebration of going absolutely nowhere for a long, long time ... all in the anticipation that you're actually on your way (slowly tiptoe-ingly) to somewhere truly marvellous...

It then says Galaxy Never stop falling in love. Which kinda ruins it a bit. Of course it's talking about the chocolate bar, why else would it be on the inside of the wrapper. But that's besides the point.

Love is a strange thing. And I don't mean to go on about Love at all, the amazingness did it already today. Read what he said about it.

I was just wondering to myself. How does one flirt? I mean what is it that you actually do to flirt? And on the process of falling in love, well how do you recognise that it's happening? And how do you stop it before it actually happens? Can it actually be stopped? And can people manipulate you, by flirting, to fall in love with them.

Emotions I suppose are created by humans, so I guess humans can mess about with them. I suppose it goes back to what I was talking about yesterday with people being powerful. I mean why stop there. Why just have power over someone in a normal everyday sense, if you have got the guts to do it and are evil and conniving enough, you can really really mess someone up.

How many days does someone have to sit holding back the tears. You know the hope is there. There is always hope, but does there come a time when you have to admit defeat? But then again, if you loose hope do you loose everything?

What is it that hope does that makes thing difficult seem a little bit easier? What is the reaction that "hope" kicks off?! I suppose, depending where you look you will come up with different answers. We'll start by looking at the dictionary for now.....The Oxford Essential English Dictionary:

Hope vb hoping, hoped 1 to desire (something), usually with some possibility of fulfilment: you would hope for their cooperation. 2 to trust or believe: I hope I've arranged that. >> n 3 a feeling of desire for something, usually with confidence in the possibility of it's fulfilment: the news was greated by some as hope for further interest rate cuts. 4 a reasonable ground for this feeling: there is hope for you yet. 5 the person, thing, situation, or event that gives cause for hope or is desired: the young are a symbol of hope for the future [Old English hopa]

What I want to know though is how hope came about, and why it is hope we look to when all else fails. I'll have a look and find out......more on this hope stuff soon.

Drip drip drip

Little April showers.

Well day one of April, and no rain. Frankly I am disappointed. I just fancy a nice big storm. Wind, rain, hail, flash floods....you know your everyday kinda stuff.

Pleasant weather is simply not on....haha.

Oh people moaning about the weather does my noodle in. I think weather is fascinating!! I came across a book about weather in Tesco's yesterday and I would have snapped it up fast had mummykins not been there moaning that it was a waste of money that I don't have. BUT IT'S WEATHER!! I love freak weather. Anything really. I don't mind a bit of sun, but only a day or two, or else I think it gets boring. Rain is the same, unless it's "good rain". Wind is alright, that never gets boring really, it changes direction and speed you know.

When I was younger I knew all the different types of clouds, what they meant. Same with fog. I think there are about 10 different types of cloud and four fog. If I remember rightly. Storms and hurricanes and tornadoes, that's what I want to see. All over the place.

So yes, people that moan about having rain and cold and wind.....get over it. It's such a British thing to do. Moan moan moan. Don't moan about something you have no control over please. Oh, there are places in the world where people would love to see a bit of rain. So they might just have some water in a pond closer than the 5 miles they have to walk to get to it now.

Argh.

Gandhi 1 - Lineker 0

As an avid reader of the amazingness I've just had a look at his blog, and read his latest little entry titled Ghandi quote.....

So it reminded me of a bit of a dilemma that Leicester is facing at the moment. In case you don't know, there is a proposal to erect a statue in Leicester City Centre. The problem is of who. Now the bronze statue possibilities have been whittled down to just two. Gandhi or Gary? While the names are somewhat similar, they are of course very very different.

If you don't know Leicester, while it's not the most attractive city in the UK, it is fascinatingly very culturally diverse. It's possibly the best feature. There are so many religious groups and varying communities with various different sets of cultural norms and values, and yet it's rather harmonious. The majority is pretty much the minority, and I think it's fantastic. Especially as WASPS (White Anglo-Saxon Protestants) are close to outnumbered. Maybe you don't agree with this being a good feature. I don't really care.

Gandhi has been proposed to represent the cultural diversities of the city. And for being such a great man. For doing so much for humanity. He's been a symbol of peace. Fighting for what is right without using violence. He is one of the few people that, as that is all that's needed, to put todays cultural climate and acts of unnecessary violence to shame. Leicester MP Keith Vaz said Gandhi's "philosophy of brotherhood among those of different religions and ethnicity should be honoured and celebrated. A statue of Gandhi will be an excellent symbol of Leicester's commitment to diversity." I think he's VERY right.

Of course a few of the WASPS have complained. Thinking that this again is something for the Asian community. Gandhi was from India, and therefore a statue should be erected in India, not Leicester. There are many local hero's including the man himself Gary Lineker (who would even prefer the statue of Gandhi). Gary Linker started his footballing career at Leicester City, and we can frequently see him now on saturday evenings presenting Match of the Day, and as the smiley big eared Walkers crisps man.

Now then, I think a statue of a man with a big grin and big ears, (lets face it he'd be wearing a suit, and holding a ball in one hand, and a packet of crisps in the other) in Leicester city centre would just look painfully wrong. Can't knock the man though for his sense of humour; Linekar said: "As far as a statue of me is concerned, frankly I think that is best left to other people to decide. Clearly the cost of such a statue will be a factor and perhaps the extra materials required for my ears would make the statue too expensive!” Well said!

If people want a statue of him in Leicester, then maybe they should raise the money alongside Leicester City FC and place a statue of him around the grounds of the Walkers Stadium where he'd fit in rather nicely.

Gandhi all the way. He such a great philosophy of life. And I don't know how there can be such a fuss over it. Again another thing that shows just how awful western culture is. One thing I disagree with on the Gandhi thing is his thought that a western culture would be a good idea. Scrap it is what I say. Go a little further eastern, a bit more magical, open minded, loving and peaceful. Western society it seems needs to take a leaf out of Gandhi's book. Nobody in the west is going anywhere fast!!

Comparatively equal

I am no better than you, as you are no better than me.
I am no more powerful than you, as you are no more powerful than me.
I am no greater than you, as you are no greater than me.
I am no more beautiful than you, as you are no more beautiful than me.
I am no funnier than you, as you are no funnier than me.
I am no more intelligent than you, as you are no more intelligent than me.
I am no lazier than you, as you are no lazier than me.
I am no happier than you, as you are no happier than me.
I am no crazier than you, as you are no crazier than me.
I am no stronger than you, as you are no stronger than me.
I am no braver than you, as you are no braver than me.
I am no more respected than you, as you are no more respected than me.
I am no stranger than you, as you are no stranger than me.
I am no healthier than you, as you are no healthier than me.
I am no more important that you, as you are no more important than me.


And the list goes on. I need to listen to myself on this one. I need to listen to myself 99% of the time. But everyone is equal. The amazingness is generally right, and on this one he is too. There are those that will stamp all over over you, abuse you, hurt you, patronise you, put you down, and rip you apart piece by piece until you have nothing left. And although they may make you feel as though you are absolutely nothing compared to them, you are. These people do not deserve you, and you do not deserve them. For everyone is equal. Everyone is a part of something big and great, and because everyone is part of something big and great, they too are big and great.

I have a feeling that people put others down because they are so insecure in themselves that it's the only way they know how to combat this. It's all in aid of power. But rememebr they have no more power than you do. The hierarchical system was designed by an insecure member of the human race to combat their own insecurities. With this system they could become powerful and mighty and much more important than everyone else. And the system still follows us around today.

People do incredibly dirty things to get to the top. Really dirty things, just to have power. And it disgusts me the way some people are treated in the name of power. I myself am ashamed to be part of the human race. There is so much injustice, and it's the people that don't trample all over others that get the brunt of it. This of course is designed by so-called powerful people. The insecure members that get so much out of kicking someone else and making them feel as tiny as possible.

If you only do one thing in your life, no matter where it is, who it is, just calmly tell one of those "powerful" people that you are just as "powerful" as they are. no more, no less. Because just that will knock them as much as they have knocked you. And then there will be some weird mutual level of respect. It's very clever.

The whole is greater...

...than the sum of it's parts.

I randomly found myself watching Red Dwarf last night. I was more interested in keeping the dog quiet as dad had already gone to bed than the program, but my word, the telly might as well have been turned up about a thousand or so decibels because it shouted at me. And stood out like a sore thumb. Well had it been an image of a hand with a sore thumb it would have anyway.

I just went "WOW" and repeated it to myself over and over until I could actually make a proper note of it. It's a perfect quote, if from a rather bizarre source, but hey, the amazingness always says that randomness is the key. And I do believe that he is right. I generally believe he is right, but he generally is!!

So the quote then...I've had a look, many people have said it, but it possibly goes back to good old Aristotle, although some people have said that he could be paraphrasing it from someone else. The origin doesn't really matter at this very moment. It most commonly is used in business to help motivate team working. The whole is greater than the sum of it's parts. I suppose in this context means you get more done if you work together as a team.

I have thought though.....there's definitely a hidden meaning to this one. Well I say hidden, if you ask me it's blatantly obvious. And how nobody noticed it I don't know. If you are a whole person you function so much better than you do as a split person. And no I'm not talking about schizophrenics and so called "normal" people. I am talking about being really complete. Being able to follow your intuition entirely. Being in touch with yourself. Loving your self and only yourself unconditionally, with no exceptions. This is complete love, and not divided. Harmonising with your emotions, and most of all marrying up your mind, your spirit and your body, and recognising and using them in this lifetime as one entity. The left and right side. Everything wholly. Accepting who you are, and accepting everyone else, in their entirety.

Try it sometime. It's such a beautiful and perfect quote, and wholly motivating in every sense. It's simple yet effective.

Be complete. If you are complete then who knows what's waiting for you around the corner. It's bound to be something rather special.

Hopes

Highly motivated achievers find the strength of their motivation in the power of their imagination. One of the wonderful aspects about human imagination is that it can see things not as they are now, but as they can be; it can foretell the future, based upon our beliefs and expectations, in an almost uncanny way; it can draw the colorful mental images that we hope someday to turn into reality. Imagination is the beginning of creation.
-Denis Waitley

Thanks to Cindy at Where's My Guru for this rather excellent quotation.

I read a question asked by a random person on a random website that I stumbled accross recently. They asked - Does consciousness create reality or does reality create consciousness?

Of course everyone can have their own view on this, and feel free to comment if you agree (or don't) but I feel myself that consciouness creates reality. Surely there is no reality if there is no consciousness. Everyone creates their own reality, with a little love and a little belief, and a lot of imagination and hope. It is hope that keeps people going. Hope that someone will recognise their achievements. Hope that someone will love them for who they are. Hope that someone will notice them standing there. Hope that things will be okay. Hope that the sun will come out tomorrow. Hope that they will find something or someone worth fighting for. Hope that they will recognise that this person is them. Hope for better times to come.

The list of things people hope for is endless.

It is when we loose hope that life fails us.

Keep your chin up, it will come soon, just believe!

Times they are a'changin'

Quite literally.....the clocks go forward tonight....

And I'm loosing sleep over it!!

If I had.............

£10 for every penny I'd be a very very rich lady!!

Supermassive black hole

Okay, so here is what the lady said. She reckons that there is a super massive black hole in the centre of our galaxy, The Milkyway.

Now then, I have pondered on this a little since watching Universe last night. A black hole is created from teh death of a star, a rather large star. The gravitational pull in the centre of a black hole is so great that even light cannot pass through, hence the black hole. A computer program was designed to track stars, and show the way that these stars rotated or orbited around a certain area in the universe. Now because of the stars orbits it is believed that there is a black hole in our galaxy. I was thinking about this while watching the program. Thinking to myself that we are orbiting the sun. Which happens to be at the centre of our galaxy. If there was a supermassive black hole in that area then surely that black hole would have an effect on earth, and all the other stars and planets, and I would imagine that we'd get orbit the black hole, rather than the sun. It does however seem that this delightful black hole is in fact dormant. It has run out of fuel to be able to suck anything else in. Not so super anymore are you black hole.
But it could be given some energy of some sort and start sucking things back in. BRILLIANT!! Gasses and things go it's way please.

I also was amazied that Andromeda is moving towards the Milkyway rather quickly. A few hundred million miles an hour I think it is. Andromeda and the Milkyway will collide at some point. I got quite excited, and decided that I really want to watch it. But it's not going to happen for a few billion years yet. What a dissapointment. The exciting news is that this other galaxy Andromeda is much bigger than ours, and has a working supermassive blackhole in the middle. Now the collision will be kicking our one into shape by colliding with it, thus creating a super supermassive black hole.

It's all so perfect isn't it. The universe so it seems one vibrant happening place to live. Shame the excitement doesn't come to Earth all that often. I feel we've been swindled out of our money somewhat. This show is boring!! Hehe

A link to the past

A link to the past,
But this is not the legend of Zelda
It is the legend of life.
Lying alone in the void,
The emptyness, the dark.
Pondering on the flashes;
Brightly coloured lights behind
The eyes of the unpredicted.
Surrounded by silence
Hearing the voices
The voices of now, then
And the flow of time.
Asleep or awake?
Both and all together
Thoughts and visions of
Days and dreams left behind.
Can't keep up with the race
Can't wake up from the deep
Can only manage to open up
And let light cover the darkness.
Days gone create new themes
New journeys, new opportunities.
A link to the past,
A love to the future.


I believe that the best time to reminisce about the past is as you are lying alone, falling asleep. The past never leaves. It is possible, if you are thinking about a past event when you fall asleep to dream of it, If you can visualize it in your mind quite vividly, feel that you are living each moment of it. If you do it right you can dream away the pain. You can re-live a past experience and make it more positive. Achieving in your sud conscious mind what you were unable to achieve consciously. Although the reality wont change, and you'll be where you are at, you can learn a lot from re-living something like this. This can often break old habits, and leave you wide open to new experiences. If you learn from your dreams it is possible to use this lesson when you come up to something similar in your wake. So, there we have it. That is what this means. If you learn from your past, without dwelling on it, it paves the way for a bigger and brighter future.

The soundtrack to your life

A song or piece of music has been created for every moment of someones life. At any given stage you can guarantee that there is a song with words and melodies that will fit exactly. And in many cases there are more than one. If you can't find anything in the vast musical abyss then I suggest writing your own song, which will of course be perfect to you anyway, and that is maybe the best way to do it.

Songs and magical moments. There are the cliche moments, like 'our song' that you share with a loved one, and the first dance at your wedding, and erm, your funeral too. But There are so many more moments that you will have that will have just as much of an impact.

I'd say, for every good thing you experience attach a song to it. Then every time you hear that song it will remind you of that experience or achievement and leave you feeling happy, or proud, or any other positive emotion you felt when you experienced it. If you use music in the right way it can really uplift your soul.

I don't have problems getting an erection.....

Nor do I need a bigger penis, or bigger tits or bigger or better anything. I don't need things to enable me to have sex 10 times a day, or to make me last longer. I'm quite sure that if I wanted sex 10 times a day I could have sex 10 times a day!! Nor do I require a sodding fake rolex watch. I have a watch that tells the time....it's not a rolex, but I do believe it does the same thing?

I can't understand all this spam stuff. Do people seriously make money from sending out such complete and utter shite? Do I really need the same emails from the same people every day? I do believe that in some cases it is possible that if you keep advertising your services then somone will go, okay, maybe we do need thins, but what?! Not today, or in fact ever, am I going to read a shitty email from a gimp that can't get it up himself trying to tell other people to buy a load of stuff so that they can't either. FUCK OFF!!

In case you hadn't noticed, spam emails that I get repeatedly really annoy the hell out of me. Just stop it and give it a rest.....

Fighting brain battles

I've got one part of me trying so very had, and another part fighting every effort I make. The result is like a clash of the titans somewhere in the middle ground, Armageddon I think. Some bits get through, some bits don't. Ultimately, the battle will be won by the strongest side, and that is the scary part. The winning part ((hopefully) will be the part with all the effort that I believe in so much, I feel it when it's working, so I know it works, it actually works, and I believe in it. Occasionally my confidence in it gets dented a little but it doesn't take long to make it up again. And I'll keep trying and trying and trying until I can try no more. And the only time I can't try anymore is when I am no longer alive. While there is fight in me there is hope. I hold the hope dear to my heart, and alongside that hope is the hope of you. The scary part is if this fails. It wont, I know it wont, I know I am well on the way to overcoming my weaknesses. Resisting temptations to take the easy way out has not proven too difficult, if a little inconvenient. I shall take baby steps, baby steps, so that I can take in each little accomplishment, and wear it with pride like a medal. For everytime I overcome is a step closer to the end goal.

I'm not moving

If things are going to happen, and the person that this is aimed at knows exactly what it is I am talking about here.

My promise to you is that I will not go anywhere until it has happened and it is over. I promise. And I'll tell you why in person. I have a whole lifetime in which to do what I want. And I figure, if I wait, you can come with me everywhere I go, which means you'll share every step of the adventure, the journey, to here, there, everywhere and far beyond.

You are wonderful, and no body will ever be able to take that away from you!!!!!!!!!!

Two sides to every story

There's two sides to everything, at least. Some things and stories might have three or four, even more sides.

But can only one side be right? Or can they all be right? I expect the side that's right is the side that people didn't know about in the first place. The unknown side.

Think about it. If everyone says what they saw, and yet nobody actually saw something in it's entirety from an angle that showed everything in complete detail. For this we'll take an attempted murder as an example. Say a couple arguing, and things get a bit out of hand, and someone ends up getting hurt.

Now then We'll also say that this argument was happening in a street, and there were witnesses, all standing different distances away from the couple, all standing around in different angles. Now the couple are arguing about something. Each person hears roughly the same thing, but some are too close to understand the shouts, some are too far away. Now this couple could also be making reference to something unknown to everyone else. So therefore the witnesses could in fact take words out of context. Suddenly the man falls to the floor. He's been stabbed, by his partner.

So the witnesses come forward, they are all interviewed. The man's partner is interviewed, and because the man survives he is interviewed too. Lots of work go into the investigation by police. They seem to have everything they need from witnesses, with a few discrepancies here and there. Even the CCTV can't show exactly what happens, but nonetheless it seems like an ordinary case of man cheats on woman, woman gets revenge.

Everything is gathered, and it goes to court. The defendant, victim and witnesses are all questioned and cross examined. Stories seem straight, none get caught out while being cross examined, because they all believe that what happened happened in their head. There's not enough to go on for the jury to say whether the defendant is guilty or not.

You see while everyone thought they could have seen the man's partner stab him, what they didn't realise is that all she did was lift her arm to give him a slap around the face. There was a passer by that nobody noticed lurking in the shadows, who was well out of sight of the CCTV. He had a knife, and as the wife went to slap her partner, the man lurking in the shadows threw the knife, which conveniently landed in an area of the man, which the witnesses, from where they were standing, could likely be where she stabbed her partner, and yet she didn't.

So you see the other man got away. She gets found guilty of attempted murder, and goes to prison for a crime that she did not commit.

What I am trying to say is that things are not as they seem. Look at something from every angle. Try not to think about it, but most certainly do not judge. If you think you have seen everything from every possible angle, check again, I bet you haven't. The truth is often hidden. Even if someone only speaks the truth, the likely hood is that this is their truth. And not absolute truth. Because you see everybody interprets the same situation differently, and quite often, this is never the same as the next persons interpretation, or the last persons interpretation.

Another persons interpretation or opinion should not be judged however. For if you judge someone, someone else may judge you. It doesn't matter if you agree or disagree, because there will always be a hidden side anyway, but as it's hidden, there is no casting vote. As the amazingness says to me often, there is no wrong, there is no right......it just is!!